Tinnitus for 15 Years and Habituated, Screwed Up Big Time

This is my first time posting on a tinnitus forum. The reason I'm doing it right now is because I think I might have dug my own grave this time around. I am in a really bad place and it might be reflected in my writing.

Short story about my tinnitus: Got it out of nowhere when I was about 10-11 years old, I am 26 years old today. For years it fluctuated, changed pitch, volume etc without any logic to it. The spikes always gave me panic. It eventually always went back to baseline after a few days and baseline did not bother me much because I was habituated to it. Maybe because my tinnitus was more low pitched and not screeching.

Fast forward to my past months. I am in grad school and should start my master thesis in January. Recently I got diagnosed with a couple of physical health issues that caused me great distress and sadness. I have been to more ER visits than parties these last couple of months. I developed depression coupled with anxiety and can barely function in school or in society.

I was so fed up with my health that I suffered a breakdown and decided to go on an all night bender. This was almost 3 weeks ago. I drank a ton of alcohol and called up some friends and we went to a nightclub (You might see where this is going).

I remember walking into the club and it was a dance floor with a separate section that you could sit and have drinks. The venue was loud as in you had to raise your voice to talk with each other, but not loud enough to be painful. I was pretty drunk at this point so it might have been louder than I thought. We stayed there for about 2 hours, with me barely going to the dance floor, just sitting by myself and getting drunker and drunker. Left the venue without my ears ringing or feeling painful.

The next day was completely fine, apart from my massive hangover and worse anxiety/depression. No ringing ears, nothing at all. About 2 days later I woke up one morning with a high pitch hissing in my ears. Did not think of it much because it always resolved itself. It has now been 3 weeks and still has not subsided, my depression and anxiety is through the roof. Tinnitus keeps getting worse and worse for each day and I don't know what to do.

We all know what usually happens, we try to replay the events that might have caused the tinnitus. Did I stand next to a speaker? Was I in a "quiet" area? Did someone shout in my ears? Yadda yadda yadda. Was my tinnitus noise induced? If so, why did I not hear it the day after? Why did it creep up to me after several days?

This is the longest I have gone with a spike, if it even is a spike. University does not pause because of my tinnitus and I am falling behind.

I am sorry, I just wanted to vent. This might be my first and last post because at this point I feel that suicide will be the only option for me. If every day is about barely surviving then I don't want to be alive at all. My health issues and now worse tinnitus has tipped me over the edge.

Thank you if you read my story and I wish you all the best of luck in the future.

Please do not repeat my mistakes.

 

I'm not an expert on this so take this with a grain of salt.

Based on what you said and what I've been researching myself, you've probably tensed up your muscles in the upper region (neck, jaws, face, etc), include the ones that can affect tinnitus to unbelievable amounts over the course of these 3 weeks and it's most likely also stressed out your nerves. If you have chronic tinnitus, the muscles being tensed can trigger your spikes and relaxing your muscles can cause this to baseline your tinnitus.

Obvious I would avoid getting drunk unless it's ONE can before going to bed, try some neck and jaw stretches routinely and start jogging for a hour a day, even if you have to walk the majority of the time.

Take heart, it sounds like you have a chance since it's only recent and has proven to get better at times.

 

We all have those thoughts. It’s important to move forward. The fact that you’re on this forum shows that you want help and you want to find a way to adjust and feel better. There are tons of people on this site you would be happy to talk things through with you. I’m 17 with terrible tinnitus to the point where it’s louder than my tv, iPad and pool in the background. I can say that I don’t really care about it. There are times like (5 mins) where it seriously has me down. Hold on to the times where it doesn’t have you down and you’ll start to feel better.

 

You need to go right now to see an ENT and discuss with them what happened and start all the tests for your tinnitus. They might give you prednisone or something else to help lower it. This will also make you feel better.

Second, you need to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional. Your anxiety and depression is making your tinnitus worse and creating a vicious cycle. It seems that you are very suicidal right now so it is very important you go see someone ASAP. Majority of facilities at colleges have mental health offices and programs you can take advantage of right now.

You are also only three weeks in with worsened tinnitus. Tinnitus spikes can last up to a year before going back down so it doesn't mean it is permanently worse. @Bill Bauer has much information about this.

Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

A lot of tinnitus friends have suicidal thoughts including myself when the T is hard to bear.
Please calm down and give yourself sometime to habituate and face it.
We have many members here going through the similar route like you.
We have many success stories like @fishbone or @billie48
They will give you some advices to face adversity like yours.

 

It might still be a spike. Check out
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/poll-how-long-do-your-tinnitus-spikes-usually-last.23110/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/poll-how-long-was-your-longest-spike.22099/

 

jack , I agree with a lot of what you are saying. I will also say that PRED might not be as effective, because 3 weeks has passed. Also, pred can cause side effects, jitters as well and this can possibly ramp up the tinnitus. Everything else you are spot on.....

 

Hi Emrox,

I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Tinnitus can wreak havoc on us and I know just how bad it feels. what is done, is done. We need to work on getting better. When I have horrible spikes and just craziness. I simply make use of sound therapy. I normally don't use it all that much, but there are times when I will do it, because it eases the brain and lets it listen to another sound and not just the tinnitus.

last night I went to my martial arts class and it was packed and it was VERY loud and I was a bit worried. They were hitting boxing bags and speed bags and it was very loud. I for sure thought that I would get a monster spike. As soon as I got home I utilized sound therapy and been using it today as well.

Sound therapy is not meant to be loud at all. It's just a friendly/soothing sound that can calm the mind. Loud sound/emotions frustrates the brain/mind and that can ramp us the tinnitus and make it worst. As @Jack Straw mentioned, do go to a facility if you need help. I use sound therapy a lot when I go through a very stressful or loud situation.

I hope things work out for you

 

Had a spike lasting three weeks recently, started with being busy and overstimulated, and believe that as a result the tinnitus it was high, consequently I wasn’t sleeping well and was anxious - when my adrenaline is high, my tinnitus is too (unless am too busy to notice). It eventually calmed down to baseline.

Had a noise related spike lasting a few weeks at one point too where the hiss was very unpleasant.

I try and do the following in those instances:

- Everything you can do to sleep, then stay busy, then another good night’s sleep.
- Go for a walk in nature as much as you can.
- Read digestible stuff, watch comedies.

Basically rest and distract for a few weeks and that should get your anxiety down and make it easier to either manage the tinnitus or to ascertain how intrusive it really is and start to cross the next bridge.

You are human and didn’t screw up.

 

How is tinnitus a temporary problem? How insulting. It is a permanent solution to a permanent problem. At least be honest.

 

The spike could and most likely is temporary. Hence suicide right now before the one year mark is a permanent solution to temporary problem.

 

How is one year temporary? Would you say to a soldier being tortured by ISIS who has every opportunity to take a cyanide pill and end the torture, it's a temporary issue? Who are you to decide what's temporary?

 

Is one year temporary or forever? Comparing physical torture to tinnitus is not a good comparison.

 

Found the mild tinnitus sufferer.

 

If you want to make this a pissing contest, look how long I have had tinnitus and look how long you have had it. Additionally, I can't mask my tinnitus unless the noise is louder than 80 dB. I can hear it everywhere....

Just because I can deal with my tinnitus better than you doesn't mean yours is worse than mine. Look at @fishbone. He can't mask his ever and yet he would disagree with you as well.

 

I would say that, by you having it so long it has helped you to deal with it. As you and I both know it takes TIME to get a grip on the tinnitus. You have fought it for so long and kudos to you for being a warrior. I know how these people feel, it's a tough road. I am making good use of ear plugs in the gym and in the martial arts studio. No way tinnitus stops me from doing my training....

PS- Fitness and training is my life. I am passionate about it, at the same time I never say that people have to do what I do. Do what you like to do, but for sure do something that is safe for your tinnitus and have it shift the focus away from the ringing, that's the key right there....

 

T can't be compared to being burned alive. When one is burned alive, it can't last for long. T can last for decades. So it can only be compared to being burned alive for decades to come.

 

It's hilarious and sad the level of ignorance. Mental torture is way more effective than physical torture, everyone knows this. Sound is a form of mental torture.

 

It sounded like your T started off like mine. I went to a concert, had ringing in my ears that went away after a few hours (no big deal). Fast forward 3 days... I was listening to head phones (very low volume)... Afterwards my T went through the roof and stayed permanently.

So guess what happened? The concert broke my ears but not bad enough that it caused tinnitus... While my ears were quietly trying to heal itself.. Just the lowest volume off my headphones became the final nail on the coffin. It's like having a scab where you continuously picked at it and now it's broken through the skin.

How I wished I could turn back time and quarantined myself in a quiet room until my ears healed

 

BTW my phone auto corrected "tinnitus" to "tetanus", it says that word doesn't exist... We are invisible

 

@coffee-girl An old friend of mine once had a dog he named Tetanus. Now if someone will just name their pet Tinnitus...

 

Too bad i just named my puppy Millie...i definitely should've named her Tinnitus but then i would be avoiding her

 

Sorry to hear of your suffering. I can relate to those dark and hopeless feelings when my ultra high pitch T first hit me in the middle of the night, and then severe hyperacusis soon followed, making every normal sound piercingly hurtful. I was in a mess with both condition and yes, dark thoughts with the big 'S' word was dangling in the tired and stressed out plus depressed mind all the time. I am glad I didn't proceed with doing the unthinkable to myself. Today I live a happy, normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. I wish to share with you my success story where I share many helpful strategies that have helped me turnaround. Don't despair. Good days will come. You have suffered acoustic trauma which may take a few months to settle down. But good life will be back. You just can't see it yet at this low and suffering phase of tinnitus when your limbic system is ruling your senses. Have a good read of my story below. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

I went to a loud concert once and I had mega tinnitus for 3-4 months! Don’t give up. It might take few months or even a year or two. I have read many times here that after going to a club tinnitus subsides after 3 months or so...

I know you feel it will not go down but trust me, I was in your shoes and it was like hell! Eventually it subsided.

 

I am doing similar thing as you, brother fishbone. I went salmon fishing today in the most violent rapids of the salmon river in our Canadian province. We had a lot of rain lately and so the rapids are in full flood mode and the deafening roar of raging water was too much for the ears to handle for 8 to 10 hours of fishing. We need to be prudent to protect our ears for long exposure of loud sounds. So there went in the ear plugs and I was happy to catch my salmon regardless of what T would do any day. No way I will stop doing my favorite thing despite T being very loud today or when it starts blasting most mornings when I wake up. Funny today when the plugs were in, all I could hear was the mad scream of Mr. T. He must be very upset that I wasn't on my knee because of him screaming to the top of his lungs. Lol. Perhaps that was the case when my T was new and within the first year or two. But today it had lost its power and tyranny over me. The heck with T. I am going to enjoy my life heaven or hell.

 

As usual mutual respect and admiration....