To Those of You Posting About Suicide, or the Ideation of Such:

I'm no stranger to these feelings. Even before tinnitus. Trust me, I can relate and understand with complete hopelessness, lack of self worth and wanting to end suffering. I have some experience with this (I am also not religious). Right now I am suffering extreme grief from a significant loss. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I want to die. I'm not going to preach blind optimism. I'll be real. So listen:

1. Everyone dies. We all get there eventually. What's the hurry? Make the best of it while you're here. We only get one chance.

2. There is a vast chasm between life, and it's experiences, and our expectations of such. We live in a time of fairly little danger, or threat to our lives on a daily basis. There are no promises of long life, and good health. This is not guaranteed. You are not a victim. Do not victimize yourself. You are experiencing the human experience. We all suffer to different degrees and with different things. Perspective matters here.

3. No, you may not be "cured". But you will get "better". Whatever shape "better" comes in. Habituation, disappearance of symptoms, reduction of anxiety. Across the board, the vast majority of people get better in some way.

4. Time. Yes, give it time. Another symptom of modern society is that we want instant results. Stop thinking about it and go LIVE. Do that, and it will get better on it's own without you realizing it. Even if it doesn't, at least you haven't wasted any of the valuable time you have left on this planet to make yourself happy or do something meaningful. Don't stop living. That's the worst thing you can possibly do. It will only exacerbate your symptoms also.

5. When someone takes their life, they are actually taking it away from other people. I'm not saying you should live and suffer for others. I'm saying, you should consider that you are valuable to someone. And your loss will hurt them immeasurably. If you have love in your life, family or otherwise, put everything you have into it and let them know how much they mean to you. If you don't have that (like myself), go out and build it.

6. Your life matters. You can do anything you want with it. Do something stupid, fun, meaningful, meaningless. But live regardless.

7. Let people help you. Your loved ones, people on this board, etc. When you are suffering, you will determine who the people that really care about you are, and the ones that will ditch you once you become inconvenient. Cut out the negative ones and cling to the positive ones. This filter is to your benefit. Everyone falls and fails at some point. You are allowed to fail and recover. The only true failure is when one stops trying.

8. Life sucks much of the time. Remember, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Don't make yourself suffer needlessly. Life is a cycle of ups and downs. Trust me, I don't like this any more than you do. It makes you wonder why do anything at all. I'm struggling with that myself right now. I'm carrying pain right now that I don't know how I will endure. But I will not make myself suffer any more than I have to.

9. Seek therapy. This is what it is for.

 

Excellent points...

 

As one who has also been there, I must also say that your post is very well written. I have added it my list of go-to articles when trying to assist others on this forum.

I also would like to express my sympathies for your loss.

 

> Everyone dies. We all get there eventually. What's the hurry? Make the best of it while you're here. We only get one chance.
Because I don't want to deal with this ringing bullshit.

>No, you may not be "cured". But you will get "better". Whatever shape "better" comes in. Habituation, disappearance of symptoms, reduction of anxiety. Across the board, the vast majority of people get better in some way.
I swear this community has some serious repressed Stockholm syndrome. That's what happens when there's no treatments and you're expected to never see one.

>Time. Yes, give it time.
Except I don't want to. You know why? B E C A U S E I D O N 'T W A N T T O D E A L W I T H T H I S R I N G I N G B U L L S H I T.

>When someone takes their life, they are actually taking it away from other people.
Someone's suffering so much they kill themselves. They must be in the wrong. Clearly.

>Let people help you. Your loved ones, people on this board, etc.
Hey that's brilliant. Why didn't I think of this? Oh yeah thats right because they can't do anything about it.

>Life sucks much of the time. Remember, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Suffering is optional? Some people here are insufferable...

>Seek therapy.
No thanks I like having money


Well there you have it. The first post here I actually had to dissect to show the many, many flaws. Be impressed, it's impressive.

 

I don't want to die but I am Sure the lack of sleep thanks T will get to me eventually

 

There’s no shame in having to fight every day, but fighting every day, and presumably, if you’re still alive to hear these words or read this interview, then you are winning your war. You’re here. You might not win every battle. There are going to be some really tough days. There might be several tough times in any given single day, but hopefully, this will help somebody to think, ‘This isn’t easy; it is a fight, but I’m going to keep fighting.

 

1. Everyone dies. We all get there eventually. What's the hurry? Make the best of it while you're here. We only get one chance.

>> Yeah everyone dies, so it shouldn't be a big scandal if someone suffering wants to make it happen earlier because it's going to happen anyway. Why prolong the agony?

2. There is a vast chasm between life, and it's experiences, and our expectations of such. We live in a time of fairly little danger, or threat to our lives on a daily basis. There are no promises of long life, and good health. This is not guaranteed. You are not a victim. Do not victimize yourself. You are experiencing the human experience. We all suffer to different degrees and with different things. Perspective matters here.

>> When I am assaulted by sound then yes, I feel victimized. You don't get to decide how I feel. Also I don't remember choosing to be born, I didn't sign up for this experience.

3. No, you may not be "cured". But you will get "better". Whatever shape "better" comes in. Habituation, disappearance of symptoms, reduction of anxiety. Across the board, the vast majority of people get better in some way.

>> And then there's the small percentage of people who stayed the same or got worse. For that minority group, it's understandable if they want to end their suffering especially if it's been years.

4. Time. Yes, give it time. Another symptom of modern society is that we want instant results. Stop thinking about it and go LIVE. Do that, and it will get better on it's own without you realizing it. Even if it doesn't, at least you haven't wasted any of the valuable time you have left on this planet to make yourself happy or do something meaningful. Don't stop living. That's the worst thing you can possibly do. It will only exacerbate your symptoms also.

>> Some sufferers can't just live their lives normally or even semi-normally. There are those who had to quit their jobs, changed careers or worse, gone on disability. Life is noisy because people create noise.

5. When someone takes their life, they are actually taking it away from other people. I'm not saying you should live and suffer for others. I'm saying, you should consider that you are valuable to someone. And your loss will hurt them immeasurably. If you have love in your life, family or otherwise, put everything you have into it and let them know how much they mean to you. If you don't have that (like myself), go out and build it.

>> We are not obliged to live for others, though I make exceptions for those with minor children. Parents need to hang on for as long as they can because they brought another life to this earth. But of course, who am I to judge their pain?

6. Your life matters. You can do anything you want with it. Do something stupid, fun, meaningful, meaningless. But live regardless.

>> Yeah I can do anything with it including get rid of it should I want to. I didn't sign a contract saying I have to stick around if I don't desire anymore to do so.

7. Let people help you. Your loved ones, people on this board, etc. When you are suffering, you will determine who the people that really care about you are, and the ones that will ditch you once you become inconvenient. Cut out the negative ones and cling to the positive ones. This filter is to your benefit. Everyone falls and fails at some point. You are allowed to fail and recover. The only true failure is when one stops trying.

>> People want to help but there isn't really much they can do. This is an illness, and there is still no cure.

8. Life sucks much of the time. Remember, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Don't make yourself suffer needlessly. Life is a cycle of ups and downs. Trust me, I don't like this any more than you do. It makes you wonder why do anything at all. I'm struggling with that myself right now. I'm carrying pain right now that I don't know how I will endure. But I will not make myself suffer any more than I have to.

>> If suffering is optional and if someone is suffering then they should be able to opt out. And oh cut the BS on how suffering is a choice. Otherwise there would be no need for painkillers. Some kinds of pain are simply too much. If someone slowly burns you alive right now, you will suffer and no amount of positive thinking can change that.

9. Seek therapy. This is what it is for.

>> I did. The hospital was too noisy though and made me more stressed than I was before I visited. The shrink also didn't know what T and H are so it was hard to take advice from her when she didn't understand what I'm going through. Also quite expensive. Sufferers who lost jobs might not be able to afford to go.

So I'm going to be truthful here. Few of us will end up committing suicide. It's either because it does get better, or it gets worse but survival instinct won't let you kill youself. I know it was the only thing that kept me alive the first few months after I got T and H last year, and also the first few months after a major setback this year. Now, I'm much better and also back to enjoying life again so I am not actively suicidal, but I know that if things go badly again, I'd go back to wanting to kill myself. But I also know that I won't most likely do it.

The reality is that many people in this world who are suffering badly for whatever reason (not just T and H) and wishing to die every single day still manage to live through decades of misery and pain until their natural deaths.

 

I have GOT to stop coming to this site!

 

I come here just so I know I’m not suffering alone. Bad, bad day today. But never, ever suicidal. Life’s for living. As best one can in these circumstances.

 

@tiniturtle you can erase point number 9

 

Oh.. I can not blame you @brownbear for not wanting to return ... for it is people like the red-cheeked, bizarre one who enters to support the issue of suicide. Strange how those who want to live but only pretend they want to die encourage those who experience despair to follow their desperate wish to enter that Dark and Irrevocable Path.

I thought THIS >>> TT forum.... was meant to be one meant for "support" ::: as in.. NOT to support suicidal ideology but rather to try to instill hope where the haze of tinnitus has dimmed it. Of course, sufferers are encouraged to relate honestly how they feel and despair oftentimes leads to thoughts of suicide but are we to encourage those to high-dive into death?? So many good, decent and well-meaning people who willingly share their heart-wrenching stories (take a pure soul like @billie48 for example) to try to illustrate to suffering members that all is not lost - even with the most severe cases of tinnitus in addition to having suffered the departure of loved ones. I have read all his (@billie48 ) posts under the thread "Tired of Suffering" - they are borne out of the most difficult experiences and if one can use his sterling example of strength and determination as inspiration, then surely others can as well and he is the true definition of a winner. I wish every member would take the time to read all those Success Stories and one day, you may be able to add yours to the growing number.

Face it people... no one REALLY wants to die, they only wish the cessation of their pain - no matter what form it takes. If there can be coping mechanisms as described in Success Stories thread -- those highly helpful and supportive members who try to dissuade desperate people from doing away with themselves fully realize that all is never lost; there is always hope if one's grip upon patience and inner fortitude persists. There is always something to look forward to tomorrow and the future presents infinite possibilities.

@brownbear - Thankfully in the TT forum, the understanding, supportive and encouraging reinforcement members receive in this forum far outweighs those negative and detrimental posts which are scattered throughout. Sadly, there will always be those in a support forum who should not be present.

@tiniturtle - You are a winner ! I could not have written a better post had I tried.

Wishing all who read this a peaceful day with much hope.

Sincerely,
Barbara

 

Goodbye

 

I’m not sure if I would say ‘far outweigh’. You only have to look at the ratings the ‘red cheeked, bizzare one’ had for her post. Does it make those people who rated / or do rate just as bad? I’m not saying I agree, otherwise I would have rated myself, but in my view, when it comes to this forum, that type of ideology is a lot more common than one might think. This is not the first, and certainly won’t be the last time, where threads containing the word ‘suicide’ will appear.

 

Haha. Yeah you are one of my favourite contributors! How come so passive aggressive? You don't know anyone that you slate on this forum yet seem happy to do so at any opportunity.

 

You're probably gonna want to mention users or quote posts if you want people to know who you're talking too.

 

Here's a testimony that I am fairly sure will surprise a few.

At onset, and prior to my surgery, I had important hearing loss and catastrophic T. I obviously had suicidal thoughts, and seriously researched assisted suicide. I also talked about it with some of my family members. They categorically rejected any discussion about it, which made me sink further and further into hopelessness, helplessness and depression, leading to more suicidal thoughts as I felt I was trapped. Their reaction fueled my death spiral.

Thankfully, in my desperation for support, I ended up talking one-on-one to my father, who understood the predicament I was in. As hard as it must have been for him to say it - and to mean it - he told me he would unconditionally support my decision, should I decide that I wanted to end my suffering.

This show of support for ending my own life felt like a big relief to me. From then on, the feeling of being trapped went away: I knew there was a safety valve I could pull on at any time, and that I would have someone next to me to help me go through it. That gave me a lot of strength to cope, because I knew that if things were going to get worse, I wouldn't have to suffer: I finally had a way out, and that did wonders to my morale.
It also gave me the strength to move forward with my surgery, in spite of the chances I was incurring for making it worse. Again, I now had a safety net and a way out.

I can honestly say that the support I received for my right to die ended up saving my life. I understand it's very unintuitive, but denying this support can actually accomplish the opposite of what you are set to do.

I don't encourage suicide, but I do respect one's right to end their life, and I do feel that being obtuse about it is counter productive, to the point that it can move sufferers closer to suicide, rather than moving them away from it.

Something to think about.

 

I am not suggesting the word "suicide" or discussion about..should be verboten... but the support and encouragement for this final desperate act should be. Also... perhaps in agreement are those sadly misguided people.

 

I read your post with interest. I am curious... did you discuss the subject with your mother? I am assuming she was present in your life but I do not know whether this was the case at the time.

 

I didn't, simply because of happenstance: I had a one-on-one opportunity with my father first. Once I had my "way out", I felt relieved enough that I didn't need to push any emotional burden further onto anyone.

 

>Members that aren't like Lex far outweigh members that are like her
>Her comment got more agrees than yours.

 

Calling another poster “bizarre one” and saying she should not be on TT . . . I have been on other forums where similar statements would be considered violations.

As members of a support forum, we should exercise empathy and support one another. Recognize that often the things we write come from our own pain and are shaped by our life’s specific experiences. Had Lex lived your exact life, perhaps she would share your views. If you were to step fully into her life, perhaps your views would change as well. Our personal perspectives matter.

Unlike some other members, @Lex has never made me feel unwelcome — even when I disagree with her views or ask her to clarify a point.

For me personally, I do not see this issue as black and white. I see merit in points made by both @tiniturtle and Lex.

I also think there is a difference between pushing suicide and pushing support of the suicidal. I very much relate to @GregCA and his experience. I think acknowledging and respecting that someone wants to end their life due to their pain actually serves to acknowledge just how much pain they are suffering. And sometimes that is what we need.

 

I respect that and Greg's experience. I myself have told my dear wife about my suicide ideation during the worst time when I had no way out but suffering. I could see the pain on her face. While she didn't openly suggest that she would support my suicidal ideation, she at least didn't yell how selfish bum I was. Her passive expression of pain and seeing how much knowing my intention has harmed her gave me a strong alert that she would be devastated for life has I pursue my dark intention.

Saying that, it is a total different situation here on TT. I have to remind everyone that as good as we are here to help out struggling members, we are total STRANGERS to them. We don't know the struggling memebers as intimately as their loved ones. We don't suffer as hell as them if those members decide to pull the trigger or jump. It is a world of difference for us to openly support and agree that they should X themselves if the suffering is too much then their loved ones. When new visiting members come here for help when they have strong suicide ideation, they come here with the idea of wishing to live and wishing to find some reasons or support to live. It is an unwritten intention. Otherwise why even bother to post here. Many suicides happen without seeking help. So it is safe to assume that the unwritten intention is to seek some reasons why they shouldn't do the unthinkable.

With that in mind, a support forum can only do so much to help avert the tragedy. Everyone tries their best to present his/her advice based on their experience and background. No one can be sure that it will stop the suicide. But we try nevertheless. But when someone in the support thread actually tell the poor soul to go ahead to do the unthinkable as he/she wishes in the position as a total stranger to this person, is that really what we should do to a desperate member in a support forum? If such tendency is allowed and such types of posts unchecked, this will definitely tarnish the reputation of the support forum. My humble 2 cents.

 

I agree that we should not tell members to commit suicide. Likewise, we should not tell anyone who is suffering that they should not be here on TT.

But did she specifically do either of those things? Her response to the author is her perspective filled with “I” comments. Unless she is specifically telling a poster that they should commit suicide, she should be able to share her personal perspective.

Actually, I think it’s good to read her view. To see that she is still here, despite severe hyperacusis and previous suicidal feelings. That she is better and back to enjoying life again according to her post.

To someone in the depths of despair, that is worth reading.

 

In The US, there's only six States with assisted suicide. California has the 'End of Life Option Act.' This Act is only for the final stage of life - under six months. In California or any other States, tinnitus alone is not listed as an end of life. All States believe in survival mode practice for those with S 11 to C5 tinnitus which can include IV drug injection in a specialized care unit. I can't give my opinion on end of life and I won't go into reasons why. I do believe in survival mode practice.

A password code is needed to enter certain medical sites including AMA sites which allows non doctor healthcare management to enter. Discussed in these sites is those with very severe tinnitus and having other major disease issues causing very severe tinnitus will not habituate. It's stated and discussed within code entry medical sites that those in a medical occupation who talk habituation for those with serious contributing disease are doing more harm. There are paragraphs of reasons why. There's also other professional sites where anyone can link to that say the same. I had provided links.

Showing love, caring, support, and care ideas is ideal. All on this thread and most other threads do this.

 

That sounds like pretty interesting stuff. I hope people here on TT can become more aware of this stuff.

 

@threefirefour Thanks for the honest reply. Most that post here are able to adjust and often a time will come where they barely hear the sound, if at all.

Many with very severe tinnitus, that of a very loud fire alarm, who don't post for long are in the 5% minority. Sometimes those with very serious T accompanied by serious disease are told that it will get better and that they can habituate. This is why I said that we really need two boards. I getting near that 5% and I have been told by all my doctors, there's nothing they can do. So I'm in survival mode. There's no one posting on this board daily that's in the C5 percent.

A few, some, where their situation can improve ( the majority) or did improve don't want to hear about those with progressive disease. That's understandable, it's human nature and they need to stay positive. So there's nothing wrong with saying you will improve, but it is wrong to make a blanket improvement statement which would include those that need a safety survival mode.

I been to nursing homes and specialized care centers and surely hospitals where horrible suffering is present for severe disease. Sometimes because of needed drugs they have severe tinnitus. They can't be taken off these drugs. This is life and sometimes one will get a suffering disease and tinnitus along with it.

10-15-20 years ago before I had to retire, we had health employees with a second employment. They posted mental care and encouragement blogs / messages on cancer, psych or disease medical boards and were paid by a society association that were either for profit selling a product/service or a non profit. Other employees posted for credits. Others posted to attain or keep other health awareness employment.

 

Dwell on T and it will consume you... Live your life the way you always have and T will move into the background. I have ringing in my ears which is not pleasant at times but im not blind and still can move around and hear most things. Dont have cancer or life threatening disease so im still OK....The less I think about T it fades into the background... Live and dont dwell on the T and you still can have quality in your life....

 

@william adams I agree that is true for 90 -95% of those with tinnitus. For the 5% with catastrophic tinnitus up to C5 their T won't move to the background. I glad that you don't a disease that may interfere with your tinnitus. You had leg surgery. I need left leg surgery because all central veins are dying. One major vein is already dead. Just one more of many condition/diseases.

Bless you
Greg

 

I am by nature a suicidal person, I can remember ideating pretty seriously even when I was 12 or so. Interestingly I am not depressed (visited 3 different psychologists and a psychiatrist in the recent past), I just see it as a (pretty extreme) coping mechanism. I actually have means for a peaceful exit right in my home, in case I need them.

And I was on the verge of using them when I suddenly developed new sounds in this January. Still not quite sure of the cause. Some kind of noise trauma, either due to a super long dentist session, or headphone overuse. I actually told my parents&friends that I love them but I just cannot manage any more and will leave soon.

A few months later I noticed that 1. I'm still alive 2. these thoughts now seem absurd. The new T noise is still there, in fact I recently had a spike (due to weed). But I am coping just fine! A human being is a marvelously adaptable creature and with T, time is a great healer.

In short: even if you feel actively suicidal right now, as I have been, chances are excellent that in just a few short months all this will be just a painful memory. The only way to find out is to wait. You can always kill yourself later. I also hate this kind of syrupy shit but in this case it's actually true.

 

That was what went through my mind too during the worst time. I add more to that during the 'wait' period. Why not try live life by 'finding joy amid the pain' and by 'living life abundantly to bury or balance out the pain of T'. During this wait time, the heck with T whatever it wants to do high or lo. Just do masking or find distractions of all sort. That loud ringing will not kill you if you don't react negatively and emotionally to it. Of course it is near impossible to do initially. But neuroplasticity will happen over time so it is possible for the brain to get less traumatized by T over time. In the meantime, go out explore the world and pursue your 'most wanted' list of things you wish to enjoy. If after this period is over and life is still unbearable, you can always go back to the old path as quoted above. Honestly I tried this path for a few years. The T bully just ran out of steam to 'cook and fry' me emotionally while I enjoy my life positively ignoring the sound and its crazy spikes (which can be heard above the jet noise during my travels and above the raging rapids in the wild salmon I fish). The heck with T now, high or low. I kick its butt with positivity. It is now just a paper tiger in my life.