Too Scared to Live, Too Scared to Die

This nightmare has been going on for 6,5 month now. I'm trying to taper Xanax. I'm down to 0,375 mg a day. But I get so scared. Scared T & H will return full force. I know I can't deal with that level of noise. Every day I wish my life would just end. But it can't. I can't leave my children behind. Thank god I'm such a coward and not able to hurt myself. I wish this would all be over.

I have a meeting with my cardiologist coming up this friday. She was the one that prescribed my the meds that caused my T and H. She'll probably now wants me to get on new meds to prevent heart failure, an ace Inhibitor. I was at work for an hour today. That is all I could manage.

Oh God will this ever get any better? Please help.

So sorry to post such a negative story

 

Thank you so much Glynis. I now have my headphones with rain noise from the My Noises app on and am a bit calmer. I'm already taking Mirtazapine for depression and see a therapist every week. Unfortunately she doesn't know very much about tinnitus.

The meds and my heart condition are making me so tired it is quite hard for me to live a normal life and find distraction. My heart condition alone keeps me from running, swimming, biking, well, all exercise besides walking. I feel quite trapped in my body especially when adrenaline is racing around and I would love to run to get rid of it.

The tinnitus is something I got on top of failed heart surgery. I am finding it really hard to adjust. The surgery was supposed to make me feel better. I hoped and worked really hard for that for two whole years. Instead it got worse and now I have tinnitus on top op that.

Life is so tough right now.

 

I have a pacemaker too. My sinus node wasn't functioning properly after I had a hybrid ablation for persistent atrial fibrillation. The original surgery (the hybrid ablation) took eight hours and I've probably been administered so many ototoxic drugs it is a miracle my tinnitus didn't react earlier. All hell broke loose after I took anti arithmetic drugs for five weeks.

I wish I could go back in time because my original problem wasn't nearly as bad as the problems I have now.

 

My operation was to create scarring on the heart tissue to stop my rhythm problem too.
Unfortunately hearing aids won't help. I only have hearing loss in the very high frequencies.

I really want to visit the Tinnitus and Hyperacusis clinic in London and do TRT with them but have no idea of the cost and or waiting list. I really have to get some guidance for I feel like I'm drowning in tinnitus and misery on my own.

 

You may want to look into Lamictal for your depression. It can be stimulating at first while titrating but then you should calm down. Of course you would have to talk with your doctor to see if it would be good for you. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Thanks Jason, I'll ask my paychiatrist about it.