So I'm writing this out of pure desperation. I am here on a 2 week vacation, well close to the end, and I've had the worst time of my life. Before going I was not in a good state, but I was managing somehow. I was basically going because I wanted to relax and let my T to settle a bit, the previous years have been good in this regard. Just on the first day I got woken up by this loud ringing in my left ear, a new tone out of nowhere. And still after two weeks it's here, not only that it's gotten worse. My left ear as always the good ear, I've had loud hissing in that ear which has been slowly getting worse, but I didn't have much tonal tinnitus. Now there is an actual tone and in silence it gets really really loud. And even when not in silence I can very clearly notice it, like when listening to music on low volume. And then the following days I was exposed to a theft alarm in the store, which was loud obviously. But as if that wasn't enough, the next day I went to cycle for a bit and got caught in a storm and a lightening strike nearly hit me, but the noise was deafening. So all that resulted in tinnitus in my right ear getting louder as well, no new tones but definitely louder and it's raging when I wake up, whereas before if I masked it during the night it stayed calm. So my days are spent just in agony and I have to force myself to actually get out of bed and go outside. And just today another setback. I used to windsurf as a kid so I figured I might try to rent a windsurf for an hour and it seemed like a good idea. But it was actually the worst idea, there was too much wind and waves and I kept getting thrown in the water, which wouldn't be so bad but every time I hit the water I could feel this loud rush of water entering my ears. Not sure how loud it gets but it felt pretty damn loud when I hit the water and the water hits against my ear drums. I was miserable and my right ear actually felt painful after I was done. And just as predicted I now have additional hissing in my right ear that's even louder than my already louder T in that ear. Who knows what addition damage I've done by falling in the water that many times. And it was all my fault for going in the first place. So here I am, having the worst time of my life when I'm supposed to be having the best. My ears have not been this bad ever and it just keeps getting worse. Sorry to complain so much but I really wish I was dead just about now. Honestly it's not like I have something to live for, a life of some sorts.