L along the way

This am first time ever I woke up and T was a strong wind. The harshness of the ring was down for 20 min. It felt like heaven. Then the strong T returned. I just wish it was a little less loud that’s all. I was able to meditate and relax prior to my latest worsening. Stay on your path.

-l along the way thank you. You are stronger than you know. As grim as I sound I don’t share everything on here. I’m not good company either. This is all I have. I cannot be well inside my house. I cannot do anything. It hurts my ears. Thank you so much for sharing. You inspire me to try and live.

The only way I known is to go out and live. What ever happens happens but what is happening is that it’s getting worse. I know you have it hard too. I have become a big pain to my mom and dad and family. It’s like I’m in a fire burning flames are getting stronger and everyone is saying talk about something else.

You inspire me to be better. To keep trying even though the tank is empty.

I keep repeating negative things, it is so much better to keep repeating positive things. I feel silly repeating the same complaints. Please don’t feel silly we need a daily reminder of your hopeful quotes. I beg of you to keep repeating. Every time I read your quote it helps me. Rest time and hope. Everyday is a new day, just breath and go with the flow.

Love brother.. really.. i appreciate you a lot man!! Well.. i got a new quote yesterday evening.. maybe the new mantra is just "tomorrow".. lool.. i was in harsh t pain.. and that same feeling about how am i going to bare bla bla. That's also a thing.. i hope somehow even with the t.. my mind can somehow stop the mental activity around it..

But yeah.. then i said to myself.. okay.. just maybe.. tomorrow it's magically gone. Well.. today is tomorrow, and it's not gone.. but even if it be a lie.. maybe it helps to just keep saying that every evening.. maybe tomorrow it will all be gone.. it sounds almost childish.. but maybe it helps.. and who knows.. there have been people with all kinds of things who gotten mysteriously healed agains all odds

@4Grace ;) i've been on the drinking tour last weeks.. every night. Day before yesterday, at night, i wanted to get an extra pair of blankets, and just fell straight on the ground while walking, cuz i was drunk. Next day hangover.. i mean.. what kind of a lifestyle is that.. especially in the long run..

Yesterday i switched it up.. no alcohol, and took 2 sleep meds, which did the trick. I guess, i kinda conclude now.. sleep meds are a better choice than alcohol..

I love you brother. I feel this. You are not alone in your suffering. You are not alone. My heart breaks for us. I am there on the floor with you. Hope for a better day.

❤️ I wish I had words for you. I wish I could help you. I’m sorry for being so negative. It’s my reality it does not have to be yours. We are all different. Please stay positive. Day at a time.

@4Grace thank you, thank you. I can feel your struggle, but to me, what you share is not negative, it's sharing about your struggle.
I'm trying to learn to not be ashamed about feeling down or low. I mean.. of course i don't wish to feel down.. but if that's what it is.. well.. then that's just the sad reality for now. I keep hoping for change, indeed day by day friend

@L along the way you are loved and understood. We understand. I understand. If you do not worsen easily you will be okay my friend. In time you have a very good chance of being okay.

@4Grace Thank you, it's heartfelt dear friend. I don't want to complain or try to contest in any way.. but when i read your words.. that this is pure suffering.. i had similar things going through my mind.. this is suffering beyond suffering. Oh man.. i dunno i'm exhausted.

I think the only sensible thing to do.. is trying to not hold on to psychological stuff.. finding some ways to relief the psychology of it all.. and indeed.. i feel like i'm living on hope. Day to day.. wishing it may be a good day dear friend

@L along the way - I do wish my family would understand. It would help just a little. I pray for us.

But in the end.. that kind of a lifestyle is not wellbeing promoting. But for now.. it helps me to fall asleep, but indeed.. i hope for a better tomorrow, where i can just sleep easefully again

About the mindset.. so well.. it fluctuates.. sometimes i just feel overwhelmed, and there is just the t pain and suffering, and i just want to be out of it. But it's also true that i keep inspiring myself every day with positive messages. I don't know.. it's contradiction, but there is both sides

But it's true.. that without hope of it getting better.. this is no life. My only interest in life now is: wellbeing, to be able to feel comfortable in my own skin. All other things don't matter so much anymore. So yeah, i do keep telling myself.. plenty of rest, nature, distractions, day by day.. it can get better

The knot for me though is.. i mean i can copy all kind of wise words.. but to keep it real.. we/i just want to live a life which is.. easeful.. pleasant.. sense of wellbeing.. so well.. words of inspiring teachings.. if it's not my own real experience.. what is it really worth (for me). And that's also the difficulty with painful t..

I've always been interested in philosophy and nature.. but the difficulty is.. how can we find a way of wellbeing, when there is painful t.. damaged nerves.. i haven't found an answer yet. Other than, repeating.. hope with time & healthy lifestyle, positive inspiration. But i don't know, it has been very harsh.

May Good God the mystery help us... finding strength & calmth & wellbeing.. some day.. some day.. going day by day... pffft.. for now it's just bad.. i appreciate you and all your sharings, it truly means a lot to me. Please wellbeing & calm with time dear life

Ended up with drinking booze... just to numb myself.. uff.. man.. it feels like such a struggle. I am inspired by encouraging words of hope, inspiration, patience, endurance.. but sometimes.. it's just too much, and i just wish to be out of it.. just wish it all would end..

It's a crazy rollercoaster, because i feel the t pain, but also thoughts like 'why is life so unfair', why it is this way, how can i deal/bear/endure this, etc. somehow i hope and intent things can calm down.. well and during the day.. i go for nature walks, but i also started playing more pc games in my free time.. just to distract and find some relaxation in that..

Pfft... the weather is nice.. but i feel a little hangover from yesterday.. i hope & pray for ease of mind, calmth. Trying to not get stagnant on the negative thoughts.. but i do fear it comes again, because this has been a pattern for a while.. but yeah.. i just try to not stick to it, and feel it's a new day. How are you doing bro?

Appreciate what helps you my friend. I would medicate if I could. I don’t want to encourage drinking but I so wish I could have a drink. Better than meds if it helps you sleep.