Paul Hrvat

1 year 5 months with tinnitus/hyperacusis. 53-years old . Sudden onset of tinnitus-very high-pitched constant ringing. A coworker just “messing around” caused a very loud bang. 1st 3 days headache & ringing, then non-stop ringing since then. I have become extremely “jumpy” at any abrupt noise; I can feel my heart clinch. (I then learned a new word at the doctor’s office- hyperacusis. Hurray!!) I use to be the person who never flinched, including the moment this happened. Day 5, I awoke 5 a.m., clawing at my ear in a state of utter panic.

Summery:

· Pray many nights that I don’t wake-up (I’m ready to meet Christ)

· Depression, anger, denial I guess the norm for any life altering condition.

· Found that some people act like you’re over reacting, even some Doctors I’ve seen, but we’re crying out for help to cope - not pity.

· Phonak-white noise ear- piece on lone from my great Audiologist (forget ENT’s once any physical cause is ruled out) Prescribed “Westone-Defendear”nver have had the chance to use this yet.

· Water-love it, need it, will move to it. The only relief I have had is when I’m near the ocean or a stream. Only the real pure natural sound works. I relax and yes have momentarily forgot about my tinnitus.

· Just when I think I have a handle on it (acceptance) I breakdown

· Grown men do cry! I think it’s cathartic to a point. But what I don’t like is, just last week I started crying for no reason, super emotional. I work were I have to keep the stiff-upper lip. So, I sometimes struggle to get through the day …not cool.

· I joke around and still have happy times but honestly feeling confused, trouble concentrating, at the end of the day it’s like oh crap seriously, this is with me the rest of my life?

Silver lining:

· I have totally reevaluated my life. Always the nonconformist and never for this world. That being said I now don’t care about a job title or a bigger pay check or my home or any possession. God, family, my dogs, nature (seriously look at nature like you’re a kid again)

· Cleaning up my act x10. The beatitudes, that man is who I strive to be.

· Tinnitus has put me in an altered state (zombie-like) and/or I have done this to myself to cope. May not sound positive but…

No one and I mean no one can understand what you’re dealing with in life unless they’ve experienced it. Whatever that stress, pain maybe. I’m glad for this forum because tinnitus is something not fully understood so were out on our own-doctors can’t save us, or even explain what’s going