A Moment of Sadness

Going back and trying to cover the whole situation with tinnitus in life, I still can not believe that this happened to me.

It was the most powerful, almost intolerable blow to life.

With this it is impossible to reconcile, everything happened so quickly and so silly that the mind simply does not want to perceive it. I did not know that such a hell exists on Earth. That something so cruel can outrage the fate of a man.

Literally for a couple of days the life of a young man full of hopes and plans turned into a horror.

Earlier I could admit that some justice, some "guardian angels" exist. There were situations when I dodged my troubles, and it seemed to me that someone invisible was keeping me on the path.

But after this incident with tinnitus everything collapsed. The world of illusions burned to the ground.
No one could have expected such an insidious and mean attack.

The time when this nightmare happened, it is impossible to remember without tears and mortal melancholy.

Recently I went to the city where my I spent my youth, my student years.

I remembered the time when nothing in my head was shaking. I remembered those walks under the moon when I was full of hope and strength. I remembered my friends and girlfriends.

Back then even in the most nightmarish dream I would not have been able to imagine what horror in the form of tinnitus life could be.

Where am I now and where are my friends from that time ?! No one would understand and did not believe now that this happened to me.

Tears streamed down the cheeks. I know that I have not reconciled myself, and I will never accept this demon in the form of a tinnitus until I can suffocate it.

Now I know how cruel life can be, that it will never be one and the other, that everything is half in the power of chance.

I live only with the hope of some discovery for a treatment or cure. It is necessary for me to believe that or I can't breathe.

 

I am an elderly man, apart from which this description of the morning of the realisation of mayhem fits me perfectly.
A very accurate description of a dreadfully sad reality, that very many of us have been forced to take on board.
Just hateful.

 

That is one of the most hard hitting raw posts straight from the heart I ever read..no BS, just straight goods saying it like it is.

Would you mind if I used your post in the book I'm trying to get out in the next 6 months or so?

It is called "Crippled by Sound", the uncensored truth about Tinnitus.

Just like you I always thought that this level of torture is something that a person dying from terminal illness might experience...probably hours or days away from death.
Not a normal, happy and able bodied person.

Actually even the person dying of terminal illness might be better off in terms of suffering, because there are substances available to numb the pain..but there is nothing available to lower the volume.

 

I'm sorry IvanRus.

 

Sad reality so many of us are going through

 

Wow! A very powerful post and one which many of us can sadly relate to. Tinnitus is a demonic condition which taunts is 24/7... no one could believe it’s cruelty unless they have experienced it. It’s a very tough ride indeed.