A New Year's Gift

Hello,

You can call me LovesWilbur. I am 31 and my first onset of T started a long long time ago. I have a low db hum in both ears. I can only hear it if I plug them or lay on a pillow flat. I actually was never bothered by them as they were never intrusive. However I am here because on New Years day I had another pitch show up. Out of nowhere the noise just appeared above my head, I guess you could say it's over my left year but it does not feel like it is in the ear but rather in the air. To me it sounds like those little teenager repellers that some grocery stores use to deter loitering (I think they make a high frequency squeal out of speakers).

I am only five days in and I have been devastated by this. I had so many stressful events occurring in my life from a job change, to house shopping and enjoying the holidays. I have never been good at managing stress. I have suffered from Anxiety my whole life and fighting off panic attacks was a monthly occurrence. I woke up on New Years day and what I heard the noise. I thought The TV screen was making it, but I turned it off and the noise remained. I dashed into my bathroom to see if I could isolate the screech and sure enough in the dead silence, it was there.

This has been the worst week of my life. Frantically trying find a cure and scared I would be locked inside this body, with company, for the rest of my life. I explored /r/tinnitus on Reddit. Big mistake. It was a negative vortex of stories that were comforted with "Too bad, you'll get used to it". After five days of hell, all I learned was they were probably right. I was pouring tears from my face. I swear to God I have never cried so much in my entire life. From age 1-30. It was all washed away in five days. Feeling hopeless and depressed.

I have the most amazing girlfriend ever. It's a shame we live so far apart but in spite of it all she has spent so much of her energy trying to comfort me. She has such a positive attitude and whether I want it to or not, it rubs off on me. She has been my shield in this war and I really need to give her a break. And that is why I am here. I really don't have much support as far as family goes as they live so far away.

So far I have been to a GP and a Dentist. My dentist knows of my history with bad TMJ, she actually has mild T herself that she attributes to her own TMJ. She referred me to a oral surgeon but as everyone here knows, it is mostly hopeless. My GP found that my inner left ear was inflamed and had fluid, so she is running me through the basic T beginners package; Steroids for inflammation, Benzo so I sleep, Anti-biotics, Nasal De. I know how small the probability that this will cure me will be, but at a small shot of maybe lowering my new T to the same volume of my old T's would be nice.

So far the sleep has been the hardest thing for me. I can count on two hands the number of hours of sleep I have had this week. And I am lucky if I am using all the fingers. I just wrapped up work today and start my new job Monday. As hard as this week has been, I know I am in for rougher roads. But the sleep. Man what I wouldn't give for just 6 hours of beautiful sleep. I have spent the week crying, researching, feeling depressed, hopeless. I am sure you have all been here and I know it will get better with time.

I am 31 and I dread the fact that for the better half of my life I have an annoying little shit floating above me, shooing loiterers away.

I have found a bit of solace here. It's a bit of a roller-coaster in here. Reading how new advancements are doing, and then learning how they are not as promising as anything since the 70s. But I have found many of your stories to be inspirational and really hope that someday I can be the one to tell people who are panicking that I don't even hear their T any more, and if I do, it means nothing to me. I don't want to sit around waiting for habituation or waiting with false hope. I know I have a lot of rough roads ahead of me and I come here hoping that I can find a fraction of the support my amazing girlfriend gives me. Just to help her out (because I am a wreck). I never thought I would be posting on a support site. Ever. But here I am. Welcoming me to you.

I plan on being in it for the long haul so I look forward to getting to know some of you.

Thanks

 

Hi LovesWilbur,

Welcome to the site.

Upon reading your message, the first piece of advice I would give you is to take back control! By admission, I was guilty of this as well at the outset of my tinnitus. Remember, tinnitus will not kill you, like cancer for example! Here is what is happening to you right now: your mind is in panic mode over this ringing and as a result, it is causing you anxiety and stress, coupled with the other events now happening in your life as well.

Hopefully, whatever you GP prescribed will help you move forward. It is a gradual process, but ultimately your mind will reassure itself that tinnitus is a nuisance, but not a showstopper. Also, you have a great support system in your girlfriend and have a bright future to look forward to.

Good luck!

 

Thanks Mike,
I will take your advice to heart. I am not as worried about T killing me as much as I am being locked in a cage with it. Hell, if T kills you then we would all know that it's coming and it might almost be easier! Na, after reading around here the past few days I understand the card I was dealt. Playing that card is the trick. Baby steps though, if I can find some ways to sleep it would be a great start. Most of the day I can block it out (Well more like during my commute and shower). I have tried breathing exercises and meditation, they seem to be getting me almost there, albeit sometimes a little later in the night I would like, but staying asleep and dealing with that moment you realize it is still there when you wake up, man that's an awful feeling.

 

Wilbur,

Yes, like I mentioned, your mind perceives it as a threat because it's new and our body's natural inclination is to defend itself against an intruder. However, eventually, your mind will acclimate to the noise and it will not trigger those alarm bells that cause stress and anxiety as a consequence.

 

Thanks for the insight. This is what Tinnitus.org is about correct? TRT? I have good things for people who are in right mindset.

 

Hi Wilbur,
I feel your pain. I know exactly how you are feeling at present. I'm around 3 months into my onset and my t changed majorly around 1 month in. Likewise i was really stressed at the time of my onset and was due to start a new job, which in the end i rejected because of my situation of not being able to sleep etc. In hindsight that was a massive mistake because it just drew more attention to my t during the day.
I also had some minor anxiety issues present before my t onset like yourself. I tend to have an overthinking /wha-tif mindset. i recommend not reading about future treatments etc
I feel like I'm just breaking out of the stage you're presently in, where you have formed a negative emotional mindset to the new sounds and how its going to destroy your life or severely impact it etc
My recommendation to you would be to surround yourself with sound 24/7 set just below the t, don't listen out for your t. I'd personally recommend a theta/delta brainwave mix at night that you can stream of youtube. These background beats in the mixes are designed to make you sleepy. Keep up breathing and guided meditation to.
Also like yourself i have a wonderful partner living interstate from me at present who i hate dumping all this continually on. Are you planning on moving back close to your partner soon?
Best wishes,
Anthony

 

Thanks for the advice Anthony. I will look up some of those brainwave mixes. When you say you your T had a major change a month ago was that for better or worse? I really do worry about my new job quite a bit. It's a 9-5 situation which is not what I am used to. That requires a healthy sleep schedule and I am struggling just to sleep. I was able to find sleep last night but with the help of 1mg of Ativan. So it's not much of a victory. But it was the most sleep I have had in a week. I am praying this Prednisone treatment will at least lessen my T to something more bearable. Some people have had luck since they got on the regiment pretty quickly from onset. I was 5 days past, hopefully it's early enough but I really don't like getting my hopes up. My girlfriend and I are in a tough situation, we live far enough away to where we can only see each other about once a month. She own's her own business and I am stranded in a tech hub city for now. I don't think she could support me and her family if I were to run to her. I really wish I could take a year or so off life and just learn some hobbies and stay busy in stress free environment. That would ultimately help me the most right now. But we need $. Thanks for your kind words, it's nice knowing I am not alone and I know things will eventually get better. Somehow.

Did you eventually get back to work?
LW

 

I'm familiar with ativan as i was also on it for a few days before substituting it for a stronger drug in a different class. Its great that you are able to find sleep on benzo's. I didnt find any real relief but ativan is far better than valium from my experience.
I understand the importance of sleep in a 9-5 job. This was the reason i was reluctant to start my new role at the same point of time where my tinnitus took a turn for the worse. I'm now unemployed wishing i was back at work. Anything to stop thinking about it.
I hope the Prednisone treatment works for you. It was never offered to me as a treatment solution.
Even though you don't see your partner on a regular basis because of distance, it's great to see that she's being really supportive and compassionate in your situation.
Best wishes,
Anthony

 

Thanks Anthony,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. One thing that is certain for me is during the day when I am staying busy I can ignore it. I hope you find some sort of relief and hopefully some work. Best wishes to you!
LW

 

Remoreron 15mg to sleepier works for me, bilateral pulsatile tinnitus 11 months