Can't Forget My Tinnitus for One Second Unless I'm Busy

I feel so frustrated and like a huge failure.

I'm over 4 months in now, and I still cant take my attention away from the tinnitus for just a few seconds even, when doing something relaxed like watching tv or a movie, paint, surf on the web, or read a book. I keep hearing from people, that I need to distract myself by watching tv or listen to low level music, so I can forget the tinnitus, but my mind seemingly does not work like that! I still hear /listen to my tinnitus all the time, even though I am trying my best not too.

From what I have read online, it seems that most people can take their attention away from it for a least a few minutes when they have had tinnitus for some months? Me.....I can not And I just think.....What is wrong with me?!

My tinnitus is fairly mild, but I still fail at ignoring it

 

I have a diagnosis of slight ADD, could that be the reason why I am failing in ignoring the T? I dont take medication for my ADD. The diagnosis is fairly new.

 

Yes, I am VERY MUCH bothered by my mild tinnitus, even to the point of being suicidal. I try to take comfort in the thought "that it could be much worse" but it does not really help me. Just becomes someone has it worse does not take away my feeling of suffering.

 

After they have had tinnitus for several months, many people experience a reduction in volume, pitch, or intensity (or in all three). I think that you haven't experienced this because you had attended that music festival... Goes without saying that I might be wrong. The reason to not attend events like music festivals is to allow yourself not to have to wonder about things like that.

 

"thanks" for bringing up the music festival which I haven't thought about since it ended. Just another worry to add to the big bag of worries I already possess.

 

Sorry to hear about your problem, I'm new to this and also have trouble coping, but we must be patient, learn how to relax, and change our thinking when T is present. Physical exercise is also very good. If you haven't tried it, I'd suggest reading and learning from a CBT book and/or workbook, which are effective in explaining and reducing anxiety and other negative thoughts not just for T but just about anything. I also use a simple breathing exercise, which takes only 3 or 4 minutes, and this will reduce your tension. It's not a cure, but it's a start on the path to recovery.

One thing I have learned, since this began for me, is that our ears are connected directly to the central nervous system. Something has caused our hearing perception to go into a stage of warning, or high alert, which signals danger to our instinctive animal brain, called the amygdala, thereby causing this anxiety, panic, etc., and the only responses which can occur in this part of the brain are fight or flight. The trick is not to ignore or try to stop the tinnitus, but to slowly and steadily redirect our tinnitus-related thoughts and reactions, to a different part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, which is the human brain, and eventually the tinnitus will not be perceived as a threat, the T beast will be declawed, and it will retreat. Knowledge is power, and once you understand that T cannot be a threat without fear, you'll be on the road to recovery and normality much faster. I'm not there yet, not by a long-shot, but there are people who have successfully done it and there's no reason we can't, as well.

 

After only 4 months, my T was still very intrusive and was on my mind 24/7 too.
It has now been 12 months and it has faded to the point to where it is easily masked by everyday noise and I go most of the day without thinking about it or hearing it. I hope it continues to fade, but even at this volume it is very manageable

 

I made that comment in the hope that you won't repeat what I believe was a mistake. If you will stop giving yourself new acoustic traumas, there is a chance that eventually you will heal.

 

I've found that when I allow myself to be distressed about how much time I spend thinking about tinnitus, it just creates a feedback loop of distress.

When I cannot redirect my mind or attention, then I try to sit in equanimity with my awareness: I think to myself, "okay, I am really aware of my tinnitus, that's what my mind is doing right now, and that's okay".

It is very easy to become our own biggest critic and pile heaps of unrealistic expectations on ourselves, compounding our misery.

I've been very aware of my tinnitus for a significant amount of the last decade -- and yet, as unpleasant as that's been, it hasn't actually stopped me from achieving anything. From an external, material point of view, my life is easier and more comfortable than it's ever been, I've been able to progress in my career, start a family, learn new programming languages, learn how to ride motorcycles, get better at skiing, etc.

 

My T was constantly in my thoughts for the first two months. I began TRT therapy at that point and hat helped me to progressively stop thinking about it. Best wishes with you adaption to this difficult condition. - Trebor

 

Hey @TheDanishGirl, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm already more than eight months in (so twice as long as you) and I only very rarely forget that I have T. Mine is also fairly mild, probably even milder than yours. I've always had somewhat of an obsessive personality, where everything has to be perfect and perfectly within my control. So when the T started it was really difficult for me to accept that there was now something distressing in my life over which I had no control. So there is really nothing "wrong" with you if you struggle to ignore it.

It really takes a long time, but I feel that I'm slowly pushing it to the background. I find that the best activities to forget about T are things that entirely occupy both your mind and body at the same time. For example, when I am working I find it hard to forget about T, and when I am lifting weights in the gym I also think about it. But when I'm playing a competitive tennis match, I often realize afterwards that I went the entire match (an hour or more) without thinking about it.

I really think you should give it some more time. You are probably tired of hearing this, but four months is a very short period of time when it comes to this condition. Even though it's been difficult at times, you've still somehow found the strength to make it this far. Hang in there, there's a good chance you'll feel better at eight months, and even better at twelve months.

 

Was it an acoustic trauma? Did her tinnitus spike following the festival?

Spending all day in a quiet house is not guaranteed to cure tinnitus. You could take every precaution to avoid any noise above 75dB, and still end up with louder tinnitus due to an ear infection or virus.

Sandra also (bravely and admirably) dealt with benzo withdrawal and anxiety. Those challenges can complicate the habituation process.

@TheDanishGirl I am seven months in and tinnitus is still very much on my mind. Even when I'm enjoying myself and doing a good job ignoring the noise, it's as if I can feel the anxiety-driven thoughts lurking in the back of my mind. The anger that this happened, the sadness that it's changed my life, the worries that it will get worse.

I think of it like a dark cloud. I still have sunshine, but the cloud is always there. Sometimes it blocks the sun and sometimes it doesn't.

I cannot recall, are you doing CBT? It's been a huge help to me.

Editing to add: one of my friends with severe tinnitus and hearing loss told me the first year was very rough for her. Habituation doesn't happen over night, unfortunately, and sometimes it takes a year or more.

 

Even when it doesn't spike, the only way to be sure that the noise had no detrimental effect is to hear silence. As long as one doesn't hear silence, one doesn't know whether one would have been hearing silence if not for that noise exposure.

 

She says her T is mild, so I think that even if her T would be milder, she would still be botherd by it, so I don't think that's the problem.

And I don't think that the music festival made her T worse.

 

It didn't. But it could have interfered with her T fading.

 

Sorry I have not reacted to your posts. I don't have the energy to answer you all, but I will say that I have read them and I appreciate it.

Right now I am going through a period where I don't want to do anything to get better......I don't have the energy....I just wanna lay in bed and curse at the world and my life, and pray for this noise to stop

 

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time Sandra and hope this is temporary. I have been there trust me. Please read my post and consider trying some of the exercises. They will not make you feel worse and could help you to feel a lot better in time. They certainly helped me when I was advised by my Hearing Therapist many years ago and still practice them. https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/

All the best
Michael

 

So very true!

 

My heart goes out to you. I am about 4 or 6 months into my tinnitus. This last week has been very hard because I just keep remembering my T. I'll do something that makes me forget about it and then a thought appears "Remember what we wanted to forget?".

Honestly I hate it. But it is what it is. For me right now, I am reading around the forum and I have read quite a few things that have boosted my spirits. Here are some I've taken down to relax my mind about T.

"1. Its my inner ear noises.
2. They are perfectly safe.
3. Perfectly natural.
4. They've always been there.
5. My brain is capable of filtering them out."

"Yes, you have tinnitus. You are going to hear that from now on, its your new normal. Its fine, you'll forget it soon and focus on something else"

 

Damn, I have been feeling quite anxious today so sat down and watched a sad movie scene which is guarenteed to make me cry.....but now I cant stop crying and crying and the more I cry the more anxious I seem to get I thought and had really hoped my suicidal thoughts were gone for good but they have come back full force.....I dont feel I can control these thoughts Just feeling really devastated and scared right now.

I feel like a person or an invisible force is trying as hard as they can to push me off the cliff/ over the edge I am so scared that I am going to die....

I really try to enjoy myself, keep focus on something else then T and value the positive things in my life everyday, but still.....it does not seem to make a difference cause I still end up a blubbering mess

 

Sandra I understand completely. Back in 2002 I felt the same way. I hated when people would say it takes time. But now I say it because it happened to me. The tinnitus, while very intrusive and screeching loud, most of the time takes a back seat in my brain when I am busy.

You are going to be okay. Good days will happen more often. And those "thoughts" are very much felt by most people.

 

Have you tried the local park? Especially at this time of year with the wind rustling all the leaves. Think maybe if you find something to take your mind off it over time you may learn to

Feel for ya x