Could I Be Causing Some of This Myself?

Here's my story: I have pretty severe health anxiety. For months before the ringing started I had been incredibly anxious non-stop. First I thought I had a rare bone cancer that would give me 6 months to live after I found a hard lump on my sternum (it went away). I had a feeling of pure doom and was convinced I had it. After that, we adopted a puppy. Then vet told me certain parasites can be transmitted to people. The stool samples came back normal but I STILL thought "no way, they're wrong, I have to protect my family". I panicked read about it for days, called every vet I could, bleached everybody surface of my home, tossed all my area rugs, etc. I bleached my back hallway and thought I had bleach poisoning so I called my doctor, poison control every day for a week, etc. Then I got afraid of asbestos when I took out old carpeting. Again, called poison control, every professional I could, had the floor tested (it was negative for asbestos). Then my son started to have issues with his eyes and I called every doctor, took him in a ton, called nurses day and night, saw specialists. Pure panic. All of these things happened literally back to back to back with no break from panic at all.

Then, right toward the end of my son's issue, I perforated my eardrum! Ugh. It started to bleed and I was convinced the toy that went into my ear must have poked my brain or something super serious so I went to the ER. The doctor kept assuring me my brain was fine and gave me a prescription for... Neomycin eardrops!.. I have medication anxiety and usually question everything but I was so afraid of infection that I used the drops one time. Then I read they shouldn't be used with a perforation so decided not to use them again and wait until I got in to the ENT. I laid awake that night in bed reading all the horror stories of neomycin eardrops, how people have lost their hearing or developed severe tinnitus. As a health anxious person, I was terrified! I couldn't stop reading, reading, reading. So I was very anxious the entire following day. Sure enough, later that night, I started to hear a very faint ringing in my ears/head. So faint I had to walk away from the hum of the xbox and plug my ears to find it. I must have been subconsciously looking for it since I was so scared after all the horror stories I read. There's no way I would ever have noticed that faint ringing if I wasn't paying attention to my ears. As soon as I heard it I was terrified. In my kind, this was it. To me this ringing was a symptom of damage from the drops. The next day the ringing was much louder (and is still here, 2 months later).

I couldn't eat anymore, couldn't sleep, called all my doctors, have seen 5 ENTs, paid to talk to doctors online, called poison control, called the medication manufacturer, have continued to read horror stories and researched neomycin extensively. Now I'm to a point, because the ringing is in both ears, that I'm afraid the 3 drops of neomycin I used absorbed into the bleeding cut in my ear canal and is causing toxicity systemically. I'm in panic because I'm afraid the ringing means I'll lose all my hearing.

After reading on here about protecting hearing I started to get jumpy, every time my kids yelled or something fell I would get scared and irritable, convinced every sound could make this worse. Since then I've developed symptoms of TTTS to certain sounds, and sensitivity to noise.
All the ENTs I've seen told me how they used those drops for decades when it was all they had and they had not experienced patients suffering damage on full courses of the drug, that even though there are cases, it is rare, and since I only used one dose my risk was very low. They also all told me that the 3 drops absorbing into my cut could never deliver enough drug to produce ototoxicity via the bloodstream.

I've also developed tons of tension in my neck and jaw. I now have jaw pain and pressure for the first time in my life and of course my ears feel full, itchy, sometimes with sharp pains and my doctors say if my anxiety is causing jaw issues that can certainly cause ear sensations.

My brother developed tinnitus and severe TMJ after a long bout of health anxiety and I feel I'm on the same path.

So what do you guys think? Could I (or my severe pre-existing health anxiety) be causing a lot of my issues? Has anyone else dealt with this? Has anyone developed ear issues after reading horror stories and think you got yourself too worked up? This is so tough.

I'm afraid to take any meds, but I've improved my sleep and eating now, which is great.

Thank you in advance for all th the support!!

 

I think you should try to get your anxiety under control and get yourself out of being super fixated on your internal state to the point of hypochondria, and see where that gets you. I don't know if T is ever purely psychogenic or not; you had an injury, you had some drug exposure, no easy way to know how related that is.

You can't change any of that stuff, though, it already happened. You probably can change how you think which will change how you feel. So focus on the stuff you have some control over and try to ignore the rest.

 

Thank you for your response! I totally agree, I need to get a handle on my anxiety and I've started to see a therapist. I'm also getting massages and doing acupuncture (mostly for the stress relief).

I don't think my anxiety caused the ringing part but I'm wondering if the TTTS symptoms and the sensitivity to noise are caused by anxiety. I wasn't afraid of noise when this first started until after I read online about some T sufferers avoiding noise and reading how it can make T worse. I started to shy away from sounds and after a little while of doing that the TTTS stuff started and now noise sensitivity.

Two of my ENTs suggested that I may have always had ringing but my brain had tuned it out and since attention (with bad anxiety) was brought to my ears after the injury, the ringing was brought into the forefront. I have no idea if that can really happen or not. I've had ringing from time to time in the past after concerts or if I drank too much, but it never ever ever caused anxiety in those instances and it always went away. Perhaps it was there and I did tune it out. Who knows? One ENT said it was probably from the perforation but that has since healed and the ringing remains, plus it's in both ears.. but maybe it can perceived in both.

 

@StephanieLC i have experienced muscle twitches all over, but including TTTS, as well as mild hyperacusis, and in my case these symptoms resolved once I got a grip on my anxiety. You might also want to read up on magnesium deficiency and muscle twitches; being in a state of stress can deplete the body's store of magnesium. Oral magnesium supplements don't work out well for me personally, so I use epsom salt baths and a diet heavy on leafy green vegetables to address that.

 

It's relieving to hear your TTTS and mild hyperacusis got better when your anxiety lessened! Can I please ask what caused your tinnitus?
I am taking magnesium supplements but haven't noticed a huge difference, though I am sleeping better than I did at first and maybe that's part of it. I will try the epsom salt baths and adding more leafy greens to my diet.

Thank you so much!!