Daniel Has Lost His Mind, His Life

Discussion in 'Support' started by Daniel Lion, Mar 1, 2019.

    1. Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I am suffering so bad. The sound in my right ear is so loud and relentless. My life is falling to pieces. I'm struggling to hold on. I feel destroyed, my soul is aching. I love my kids, I hate my life now. I can not get a minute's peace...

      If it wasn't for the kids I'd kill myself. Don't know what to do anymore.
       
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    2. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Daniel, it kills me to see this level of suffering and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I wish more could be done to lift you out of the hole that you are in and give you some happiness back. Life itself can be such a cruel thing at times, but everyone gets tested by it and these moments of emotional torment are almost inescapable. Everybody wears a mask so we never truly know what others are thinking or feeling, but dig beneath the surface and you’ll find there are many who are fighting their own hidden battles. You are not alone and are loved by everyone here.

      All I can tell you is that I’ve felt suicides arm on my shoulder a few times, and one memory that will live with me forever is after I awoke from major surgery that had failed. I lay on the trolley thinking of ways to die and this feeling completely consumed me. I was as low as a human being can get and I no longer saw a future for myself, especially not a happy one. When my tinnitus became highly intrusive 4 years ago I felt every bit the same as I did back then. I quit my music career - the passion of my life - and became extremely sad and isolated. I had nothing and believed my life was no longer worth living with the torturous noises that I heard in my head. Every day was a massive challenge to get through.

      However, 4 years later and I have a daughter and my tinnitus no longer bothers me (by and large). The effect it has had on my life remains (the fact I can no longer just go to loud places without earplugs, etc) but I’ve made adjustments to accommodate it otherwise I would have gone crazy. What I’m saying is that life can change from one extreme to the other in a heartbeat, and we can’t feel the extreme highs if we never experience the extreme lows. No one can be happy all the time.

      Talk with friends and family and pour your heart out to them. It will help take some of the weight off your shoulders.

      Take care of yourself, Daniel.
       
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    3. Melike
      Studious

      Melike Member

      Location:
      Istanbul, Turkey
      Tinnitus Since:
      17 / 03 /2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most probably TMJD and neck issues that came with it.
      Exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.
       
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    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Thanks man. A lot of stuff is spiraling down. You're kind. Thank you.
       
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    5. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Thank you, thank you.
       
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    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Just cried for a good hour. That helps. Thanks everyone out there. My sanity which has always been dubious if I'm honest, has really just gone. I hold it together most of the time, but I guess the accumulative stresses of life... my relationship with my spouse, post cancer operation 6 days ago... I'm ok, cancer free, but had some of my tongue removed. When I read the news, which I try not to, I know children and innocent people suffer bad... I think I understand suffering now, and insanity. Not a bad thing for an artist frankly, but it's really been too much lately. Needed to let it out. My youngest wants to play house now...
       
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    7. threefirefour
      Rebellious

      threefirefour Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      5/15/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      140dB B R U H moment
      Treatment is basically right around the corner so at least wait until 2020
       
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    8. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      My wife massaged my head. I told her I loved her. I told her I hated her. it's true. She was happy, we've been fighting for days. I'm a broken record that keeps skipping, remember that with old records. This forum is the first internet site I've participated in. No Facebook, well I do have my Yahoo account, but have always stayed clear of technology and just did my sculptures. I'm trying to say... Thank you Tinnitus Talk. I'm sorry I don't have a credit card to bump you some cash, but I promise I will. This community is really helpful, never seen your faces up close... but feel the love... It helps.
       
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    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Dude you're awesome... I appreciate that. I'm gonna hang tight. Needed to vent. Love your avatar, I need to upload one asap, but I'm on my kids tablet and I'm a spazz. You my friend are rock solid. Appreciate your support. Sincerely.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    10. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Are tinnitus sufferers prone to kindness? Do people who suffer develop empathy for other beings? I'm not suggesting a statistical survey, but... I digress... my head's ringing... but my heart feels lighter... what a roller coaster... man 35 years of industrial work just blew my poor little ears to bits. What a schmuck, me that is. Now that I have tinnitus, I think of the soldiers now, and from past wars like WW1, those guys came back and come back from the front lines just torn inside out, and nobody gets it. Maybe it's a good time, or more fortunate time to be tortured, because the science is coming... I'll shut up... thanks again all of you out there.
       
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    11. JohnAdams
      Starving

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      here
      Tinnitus Since:
      it started.
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      hearing loss
      Take a deep breath and soldier on. You have my support.
       
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    12. JohnAdams
      Starving

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      here
      Tinnitus Since:
      it started.
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      hearing loss
      WHAT?! LOLOLOLOL! His avatar fills me with doom.
       
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    13. Bam

      Bam Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neck/stress
      Daniel I feel every ounce of your suffering my man. This monster has torn me a new one and then gone on to burrow deep inside my soul and basically take an almighty shit inside it. I too love and hate my family now. I too desperately want to live, but also urgently want to die. I too cry and cannot stop. I too cannot believe the depths of suffering this takes you too and never lets go. I too see the world through a new lens and it’s incredibly beautiful and incredibly hateful and lonely all at once.......

      But....

      These guys are right. @JohnAdams @threefirefour We may have a treatment soon and if it works that lightness in your heart is going to explode with unbridled passion and joy. You will be fucking reborn and having known the worst depths this life can take you to, in your new incarnation you will be unstoppable......the most amazing father, husband, friend, person ever. So keep suffering. Keep trying to be creative around this noise. Keep loving those kids more than you hate the screeching in your brain. Keep pushing when you’re exhausted. Keep the faith that the cavalry is on its way over the hill........It feels as if we suffer alone right now. But the day we triumph together may not be far off my friend.
       
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    14. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Wow... thank you.

      Your words mean a lot to me. Just had good dreams followed by nightmares.
      It's 4 a.m., I got 5 people in bed next to me now, 1 extra because a little cousin is sleeping over.

      BAM, those are some beautiful words. I'm gonna listen to you.
      TNX
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Thanks JA, nice to know you got my back. I got yours too.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    16. glynis
      Feminine

      glynis Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      @Daniel Lion,

      Tinnitus comes with lots of unwanted emotions and add lack of sleep and you can see why tinnitus can be hard to deal with as it takes away our silence leaving us with a horrible sound.

      The more you learn about tinnitus and what spikes your tinnitus and getting through the toughest times gives you the strength to carry on...

      love glynis
       
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    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Thank you Glynis, you're a rock here. Big hug. Tnx.
       
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    18. Sven
      No Mood

      Sven Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music
      Since all T is individual I can't say how yours is, but most of us have been where you are. Hang in there.

      During my last spike (which was permanent) I tried SSRIs for the first time and they actually helped. Not with the noise, but with my ability to cope. After a few months I could lower the dose as well and now I'm off it alltogether.

      Maybe that's worth a shot for you as well?
       
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    19. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I appreciate that, and have definitely weighed the pros and cons. My spike is permanent, it doesn't change, at least for over 1 year now, will have to count that out. When the tinnitus first hit after an ear trauma, I self prescribed Valium which you can buy freely here. I had no idea what I was getting into. When I stopped, I had no idea about tapering and withdrawal symptoms, and now I do, and am on nothing. I just had an operation, so for 1 week I was on meds, I feel like crap now and my tinnitus feels more intrusive, and it's really bad to begin with. I hope it will settle. Sven, I am feeling emotionally better now, but if the above mentioned feelings come back and are sustained, then I'm definitely open to medications, this time with supervision from a doctor who knows. I think when I can start swimming, and having my herbal saunas again, that will really help. I am just coming out of a surgery, was declared cancer free, and greeted by the loud ringing in my head. I'm gonna fight this one all natural for the time being. Thank you for your gentle words and good advice.
       
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    20. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Do you know the cause of this horrible spike?
       
    21. Bam

      Bam Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neck/stress
      This is one of my survival strategies. Swimming. Then sauna with multiple freezing cold showers to shock the body out of its depression. I’ve also noticed intense pain can quiten the T for a brief while.
       
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    22. TLion

      TLion Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      stress/loud concert
      @Bam
      I'm speechless. I really like this post!
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    23. Vicki14
      Panicky

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      Absolutely agree! Me too..... when the fibromyalgia isn’t kicking off! :banghead: X
       
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    24. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I know the suicidal feelings - still have them. But, I'm afraid of the dying part. I lost my Mom, my Dad is in a home, I have no kids and I'm isolated/alone. The T is a high pitched, fast sound for me right now and at the moment, I am wondering if I did something wrong with trying ot mask the T. I had a mp3 file playing on my phone - I don't know what to do half the time - sit in silence, mask the sound, where should the masking sound play and how loud and so many questions.

      There is supposed to be help in 2020 - I don't know if I can wait that long and what kind of help - what will it do and what will it do for each individual? It is so agonizing and the torture this T is doing.... I already posted on how to cope and I don't know what to do.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    25. Bam

      Bam Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Neck/stress
      Become one of the toughest c***s on the planet until we win this fucked up war one day and can finally rest.
       
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    26. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      It is probably not a good idea to have the speaker close to your ears.
       
    27. Starthrower
      Wtf

      Starthrower Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Surgery
      @Bill Bauer I believe the below was the cause of @Daniel Lion's spike.

      Many hugs of understanding @Daniel Lion. Being cancer free is a celebration and often the after effects for some cancer patients can be tinnitus. Did you have chemo or radiation treatments?
       
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    28. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      I was working with power tools in a closed space, in a ceiling, it was like being in a speaker. The vibrations and noise hurt my eardrum. When I woke up a few days later I felt a quivering in my inner ear, like a spasm into my brain. I went to the local doctor who gave me antibiotic pills and drops, because I had an ear infection.

      Sometimes I think I fractured my right ossicle bones, or bone, because when I swallow I get a clicking sound in the right ear. After a 30 hour flight to the USA six months later, the sound shifted to the inside of my brain, center. Now back in Laos, 6 months after flying, I say it's in the center, but leaning more to the right side. I did see an audiologist in the USA and have serious hearing loss, the line just goes down. They said I would be a great candidate for hearing aids. I'm afraid they would destroy my ears more, and I did have hyperacusis, and it has faded to a more mild form, definitely sensitive to sound.

      Bill, what do you think about that clicking...? When I swallow I get ear fullness. Do you think it's ETD, in my right ear? I kind of don't. I'm leaning towards on ossicle which scares me. Should I get a scan down the road?

      I value your advice, I don't know squat.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    29. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Used to see a sadistic acupuncturist from Korea who would literally burn me and drive needles into me... that distracts the mind from tinnitus for sure. Sticking to herbal saunas now and exercise... just don't have it in me now to be tortured... but there is always tomorrow.
       
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    30. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Daniel Lion
      Ape-like

      Daniel Lion Member Benefactor

      Location:
      se asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise trauma, hearing loss
      Sorry, back at you again.

      I'm going to the big city next week to see the ENT who operated on my mouth. I was getting rid of some precancerous stuff in my mouth, and going for a post surgery check up. I haven't talked to him about my ears, I'm gonna tell him everything I told you... They have MRIs, and CT scanning equipment, it's a modern hospital... What do you think... I have developed a fragile mental constitution and can really get ahead of my self with worry and stress. Anyways, I've decided to stay calm... Talk to the ENT, and if you have any hypothesis or ideas they are most welcome... It may be useful when I see the ENT.

      My brother told me to chill, and before the surgery, I was doing pretty good, I need to get back to that place... thanks for reaching out.
       

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