Dating with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis

Something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. I honestly feel pretty lonely despite support from my parents and friends.

I live in a big city so most people around here are super healthy and “extroverts” meaning most have super active social lives, travel a TON and in general have a life style that’s not really something I can enjoy anymore. Yeah I can wear ear plugs but I simply don’t want to put myself into loud situations in the first place.

My ideal partner would need to be understanding of all the setbacks and panic attacks I experience because they’re bound to happen. I also don’t want to hold anyone back from a life they should be enjoying. Within reason I can still enjoy life, but I don’t want to feel like a burden to anyone or their families. If my tinnitus is only going to get worse in the long run, might as well try to enjoy life a bit right now.

Dating is hard enough and filtering through people to find someone like this, especially in their 20s would be fairly difficult.

I had the thought of joining some sort of dating site for people with disabilities because I feel like there I may find someone more compassionate and understanding. Would this be inappropriate? I wouldn’t want to offend anyone with more severe disabilities. I honestly don’t even know what I’d be looking for tbh.

Thoughts? How do you guys navigate the dating world? I feel like if I had just tinnitus I’d be okay, but with hyperacusis in the mix it complicates things a bit. I could go on the usual apps and be open with people, but I doubt much will come of that. No healthy person wants to date a 26-year-old girl afraid of sounds.

 

I feel the same way, only dating is the last thing on my mind. If I’m to have any lasting happiness/peace in this world, the foundation of health must be shored-up.

 

I would only start dating again if FX-322 works with my tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Even if it did work I would still be worried about it coming back again and would still feel like a completely different person even if it does cure me.

I would still be worried about attending loud events throughout my life but I hope FX-322 should fix me and give me my life back.

 

Yeah I definitely agree with you here. My only thought process is, if these treatments and cures coming out turn out to be flukes, I’m not gonna make it. Tinnitus is bound to get worse at some point, same with my hyperacusis.

Might as well enjoy what little bit of life I have in me now while hoping for the best.

My health has been on a steady decline these last few years and my body seems keen on giving me problems typically experienced by the above 50+ crowd despite me being health and active. So who knows what’s next on the menu.

I just feel so dang lonely to be honest. It’s hard.

 

You’re still early on. Either the volume, your reaction to it, or both will, in all likelihood—despite the deep despair and betrayal you feel right now, get better with time. People like my mom have adjusted quite well. We’re just not there yet. I’m lonely but mostly because I’m in horrible psychological, and now physical, pain.

 

@Orions Pain
I believe that you can find someone who doesn't like going out too much, there are people with this kind of life style even in big cities!

You're not a burden, it's who you are and I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you despite of your issues.

My hyperacusis is extreme and I honestly don't think I'll ever have a date again, but if I get a little better and be able to do it, I'd search for a quiet person

Hope you find what you're searching for.

 

Could y'all that are looking start a ____ seeking ____ thread or would that be against the rules and/or too awkward?

 

Your mom has it too? Did she have hyperacusis at any point?

 

I honestly don’t even mind if someone likes to go out a lot. They can go without me lol. I just don’t want to be looked at like a freak when I pull plugs out at a moderately loud restaurant. I don’t want to be the “disabled” girlfriend.

This is why I was thinking of dating sites for disabled people. I just don’t see how any healthy person would want to date someone like me.

But I guess at this point I need to move past what I want and don’t want

How did you get your hyperacusis? I feel like mine is moving in the direction of worsening rather than improving and it really scares me.

 

I basically drew her awareness back to it. I’d say she has phonophobia out of kinship, but not hyperacusis. She’s never liked loud things, but they don’t cause her the same problems they cause me. She’s completely achieved habituation to perception but can listen to it anytime she thinks of it.

 

It's complicated, but if you think about it that's who you are now, you have to do it to don't get hurt, and someone who isn't a jerk would totally get it.

I'm not sure if mine was due to noise exposure or to meds, but what made it extreme was noise.

If you feel you're getting worse, the most probably cause is that you're not protecting enough, my biggest mistake was worrying about overprotection, protect yourself from what brings pain, you'll hear often that overprotection is dangerous but it's necessary, give it a try and see how it goes.

 

I’ve got the selfsame issue. I’m in a big city and before I got ear problems I positively thrived on the energy and was constantly out-and-about. But now I’m strongly considering moving to a peaceful small town. But it sucks because I’m young as well and I’m facing similar problems to what you describe. I hate always being scared of the next big truck or police siren. The honking’s the worst.

 

I can hardcore relate to aspects of this. I love where I live but I am definitely not the same person and cannot enjoy the things I used to. My roommate/business partner is from a small town and he wants me to move the business to his home town (which is also so cheaper than where I live) and I have considered it, but ultimately for me that would mean giving up on getting better.

 

Hi Manny, sorry you’re also in the same boat. My parents live in a quiet town about 2 hours outside of where I live, I think about moving home daily but my job/apartment are the last two things making me feel somewhat normal. Like the last string. But it sucks living somewhere and being afraid of the things that most people come to these cities for.

 

Wouldn't moving to a small town give you better chances of getting better?
I mean, it would be way more quiet, also less to worry about.

 

That last sentence is me to a T. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fully pick up the pieces if I move back in with my parents. Holding out for treatments but if those don’t come, I’ll have no choice. No point in staying here if I can’t enjoy the perks. It’s a city young people move to to have fun in. No one settles down here.

 

One time I thought about starting a parks n rec app where kids could input their game of play, number of kids needed, date and time and then i remembered pedos exist. I don’t know why this made me think of that.

 

I have reactive tinnitus. My house is very small and my damn furnace is directly under the vent that is in the living room and when it kicks on it is loud... My house is unusually hot so in the summer the furnace is set at 76 degrees and on probably 85% of the time. In the winter the furnace isn't on that much... But its annoying, my tinnitus prob gets 2 to 3 times louder when it's on...

 

I dated a lot even with severe hyperacusis. I even went to a very expensive restaurant with huge Peltor earmuffs.

 

I personally think it's too much to ask of another person, to take upon my huge struggles and compromises in life. I can't accept putting that kind of burden on another person, because regardless of love between two persons, it would be some form of burden living with someone with tinnitus and bothersome hyperacusis. Therefore I have given up dating completely (not that I was doing it all that much before).

 

Almost everyone has various issues similar to tinnitus. People still date.

Also, some people like or are wired to take care of "burdens"

 

There is a HUGE difference between "normal" life burdens and something as heavy as tinnitus and disabling hyperacusis, imo. But sure, there are people with huge restrictions on life who still date. It's just not for me.

 

I haven't seen anyone in 3 years.

 

Just out of curiosity, how were you able to communicate with your partner with the earmuffs on?

I just don't think that my personality, what I could offer to an other person, would compensate for the huge burden tinnitus means for me and others. The problem is me, but with tinnitus as the cherry on top, I'm continuing to head into a very lonely existence.

 

People with diabetes date. People with severe allergies date. Paraplegics date. People with Aspergers date. People with sleep apnea date. People with chronic pain date. If you have tinnitus and want to date you can give it a shot. Sickness does not make you inherently unworthy of love.

 

None of these people are afraid of noise (something that exists everywhere) from making them worse.

 

Except out of all of that tinnitus is the most that people don't care about and gets in the way of the others enjoyment. None of those would impact going to a bar for instance. I'd had friends passively annoyed that I can't do something loud (they don't show it, but I can see it), if I had Aspergers you'd bet they'd be way more understanding.

I feel like if I get a girlfriend, eventually she'll get sick of my shit.

 

I always had fears of ending up completely alone, with no family or support system. Tinnitus sealed the deal for me at 25 years old, my worries actually came true.

 

Plus you can bet your ass that they would try at least to some degree, to pressure you into loud events or family gatherings... sooner or later. People who don't have bothersome tinnitus + hyperacusis have no clue about how serious these conditions are and how careful you have to be.

+ I don't need yet another person in my life, who feel they have the answer to these conditions, by asking me "have you tried this, have you tried that, what if you did this/that?? Have you heard of this treatment (insert scam)?... it's tiring enough hearing that from family/friends. I know they mean well, but it's still tiring.

 

Thanks Orion. I get you completely. I, too considered moving back in with my parents for some time but ended up doing my best to retain my job and current general location (so far succeeding).
It is super tough. Sorry for what you’re going through.