Depression/Anxiety Over Losing Live Music

Ok here is a brief history. 2 months of T caused of too much loud music in one weekend. I would consider it mild to moderate. 3/10 but can spike up to a 5. All my hearing tests have been normal with no lose up to 8k. With those online high frequency tests I can hear up to 16k. My left ear has the tinnitus

My biggest fear is no more clubs. Now hear me out! I'm not talking about going there to get drunk and grind on some girls to shitty music. You see ovver the last couple years I have fell completely head over heels for house/techno music. Ya you can listen to this music at home but the energy of a club and a good crowd and dj is unmatched. I've fallen in love so much with the genre that I want to start DJing. I understand I will have to wear earplugs and will be purchasing some custom molded ER-25's before stepping foot in any club again. My biggest fear though is that I can no longer go to a club without my T getting worse and that I can no longer pursue this passion of mine. The depression and anxiety of this being stripped away from me has been alot to handle.

I know this topic has been done to death and there are people on either side of the argument. Some will say NO MORE CLUBS because even with good earplugs there can be issues from bone conduction and low frequencies. Then there are those that say they still go with protection and haven't had any issues. The fear of a permanent spike in T is a definitely a fear of mine. The depression and anxiety about having live events taken away from me may even be bigger. I want to continue to go see the DJ's I love and I want to pursue the passion of DJing myself. Am I completely insane to be thinking this with T??

 

I've known a number of people who have continued to go to live music without any worsening over a long period of time, it's a personal decision. I was never in to the coin scene, but I have been to a handful of concerts since my tinnitus got worse in 2010, always with earplugs of course, and no problems so far. That doesn't mean it's a good idea, who knows.

My best advice is to take a break from clubs, find a new hobby, and reevaluate in 6-12 months.

It's also the case that concert volume varies from ~90db to 135 or so. The low end of that is unlikely to be a problem for anyone, if earplugs are used... and the high end is probably unsafe for anyone, tinnitus or not, plugs or not.

 

Thanks. I do plan on giving my ears more time to recover before exposing them again. I do have other hobbies too. Muay thai is another big hobby of mine. Getting hit in the head haha. I guess I'm not choosing the right hobbies with T. I actually just got AM-101 injections the other day. Fingers crossed. Anyways I would probably use a DB meter inside to see.

 

I hear ya. That's why I make this post. The fear of worse T is definitely a factor. I sound less cautious then I actually am. Also it happened not from just one night out but a weekend of abuse. Friday,saturday, and sunday of loud music with no protection. Sunday night I went to a spot I normally wouldn't go to. More amateur dj's with no sound engineer keeping levels in check. It was super loud and was the straw that broke the camels back. I always assumed hearing damage would be more gradual. Learned the hard way. The regret from that weekend has been one of the hardest things to deal with.

 

Yes, it generally is, unless you stay in one spot where the noise can be so loud that it can break the back of a young camel in a matter of seconds.
I know of a case who was having T for years just because at a concert, moving around looking for a better spot, she passed by a speaker. "My ears remained there", she said. She is an ENT, BTW.

If it's any comfort for you, which i doubt, you are not the only one crying after clubbing and live concerts. IMO you may still go with protection once in a while, but being a DJ every night? Your are practically asking for it.
I also went at live concerts after the onset of my T, but with protection and I stayed at a safe distance. I even experienced "T recruitment", which is the disappearing of T after a concert for a few hours.

 

If I had it mild I am not sure I would risk it .

 

Funny enough I'm pretty conscious not to go hang out by speakers or even pass by them for a moment. Like I said I'm fairly cautious. What eats at me as well is that I was aware of ear protection and had been meaning to pick up some ear plugs. I just never realized it could be so instantaneous. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess but damn the regret I've been feeling has been big. On top of that it was the last place we went to that did it! We had been at a day time event earlier. Was fine. We then went and grabbed some mcdonalds and were debating going to this last place. We were literally on the fence about going and decided fuck it let's go. I keep running this scenario through in my mind. If only we had called it quits.....sigh. Oh and not to mention the fact that my friend told me the next day that they were actually selling earplugs at the show....

I wasn't planning on DJing every night to be honest. More of a hobby. Few times a month. Maybe once a weekend. Ya I get it though...I guess the only thing I can do really is test the waters with going out and wearing protection and see if it aggravates it. Tough decision.

 

I am pretty sure that that lady didn't realise that going through the crowd she will pass so close to a speaker even for a moment. It was an accident to be pushed that way. Like I said, she is an ENT, so not an idiot. It's not like she saw the speaker and said "Ok, no problem, I will pass by there".

 

Ya I'm not saying she was being dumb or anything....more reflecting on how being careful didn't do me much good.

 

Sounds to me that you were not really careful, that is protected the whole time, you were just intending to be careful. Did you pick up those ear plugs? No. You were just meaning to. Big difference.
Anyway, beating yourself up doesn't do you any good. It would just slow down the recovery. First step is to forgive yourself, no matter what you did or didn't do.

 

You're definitely right. I wasn't careful enough. Ya beating myself up about it has been hard. I keep reminded myself of how life could be different right now if I had just made a different decision. I know it's a waste of time to fantasize about this but damn it's hard not to.

 

The worst is when you are upset with yourself, cause you can't get away from that person, and be in peace. Yes, the theory says that the first step is to forgive yourself. Pretty hard theory to put in practice. But one day you will leave those thoughts of blaming yourself because you will simply get fed up with recirculating them. The reproaches will become one day just too old, too boring, too analysed before, too exhausted, and you will move on.