Have to Learn to Keep a Positive Facade

After two and a half months with my tinnitus, I have learned the hard way that I cannot let my inner misery spread to my family and friends. They can't help me and mostly have their own things to attend to. My outpouring of frustration and their inability to understand what's going on with me only leaves me with guilt of having ruined their mood.

So I have decided to forcibly keep my pretense cheerful. As it was bountifully before tinnitus happened . I know it's difficult, but I will try and practise.

God knows it might help the tinnitus, too.

You guys are the only people who truly understand what it's like to have tinnitus and I really feel for the ones who have it severely. What do you think about what I have decided?

I am praying for us all,

Shri.

 

I feel the same way for the most part but I talked to my therapist about it. It’s all about communication.

After months of ignoring my best friend and letting out a bit of frustration to her...I cracked. I decided to have a sleepover at my house because i wanted a sense of normalcy. During the day everything felt fine and it wasn’t until the evening that my mood began to shift. Nights are always hard on tinnitus sufferers so I was doing my best to stay composed. I started to silently cry on my couch with my best friend beside me before I decided to just take her home. The entire time I was in the car I was trying to apologize to her for that night and not being able to keep her because of my stress. I started to full on cry while I was on the road (it was like 1 am so no one was there). I’ll never forget what she told me “I’m your best friend. Friends are supposed to help each other through the tough times and we’re supposed to do these things together. If you have to cry Mat, just cry. There is nothing wrong with that. It won’t change the way I feel about you.”

By the time we got to her apartment, I started to seriously cry. I must’ve cried for 10 minutes in the parking lot of a senior care center at 1 am. She said enough to make me remember why God put her in my life in the first place. I remember I used to literally pray for a friend just like her. I was worried all that time about making my friends upset when all they wanted to do was help me.

If they are your friends then they’ll find ways to call you and to check up on you. It doesn’t matter how busy they might be. If they care for you then they’ll make time. Just surround yourself with positivity and it should come straight back to you.

 

If someone TRULY loves you and TRULY cares for you, then it's not misery for you to tell them how you feel. Now on the other hand, there are LOTS of people that carry the label(s) "Family/Friend"that have might have no compassion/empathy for your suffering at all.

I like your attitude a lot, you are showing courage and want to stand up to the tinnitus. At the same time, you NEED LOTS of support. Tinnitus can be a rough journey and I remember my early days like it was yesterday. I would constantly ask my mom about it. I wanted feedback from her. I would constantly ask my audiologist about it. I would ask about DB sound levels, I would ask all the time. By doing such things, it prepared me for what I was facing.

I got my tinnitus as a teen, this was when my world and life was just beginning. I did enjoy my life too much and Now I do have intrusive tinnitus, It is what It is. Seek as much support as possible. DO NOT bottle it up inside and carry inside.

Tinnitus can and will test your patience, it's a long road ahead. take things slow, line up the GOOD people in your life. Line up the things that provide VALUE to your life. Avoid negativity and negative people/places/situation. Last but not least be good to yourself, love people, help people and LOVE YOURSELF!

 

@fishbone, @katri, Thank you for the kind words.

 

You should feel like you can open up about your problems with those you love. Over time they can grow to understand. Firmly say 'no' to any overly loud situations that could harm you.

There is a balance to strike though. Our loved ones have limits. We should share our burdens without overburdening them. If a person is negative all the time they quickly become not fun to be around.

I think it's good to try and be positive but open up about your feelings. Cry on their shoulder if you need, sit down and have a chat, give them a big hug and tell them you're hurting.

 

I agree, i can't splurge too much on my thoughts about T...heck even around people with T I don't share too much. I guess it just doesn't feel like it makes much of a difference, at the end of the day everyone is absorbed by their own problems and they do the whole sympathetic routine and then forget about it 15 minutes later. Your only best friend in the world is yourself <3