Help! I Can't Stop Worrying About All These Things!

I've had T for about a month and a half now (and I'm only 20 and I'll be 21 next month, egads!) and I'm pretty sure it was caused by a combo of ETD in one ear, noise exposure over a long period of time, slight high frequency hearing loss from childhood that had never bothered me or registered with me before, and slight anemia that I've had off and on for five years now. My problem? I can't seem to stop worrying about my future!

I'm a musician so that's one thing to worry about. The only thing I'm lucky about is that my T isn't screeching or unbearably loud (though I'm WORRIED that one day it will be since you lose hearing with age). I'm worried that my career will be severely affected no matter what job I get.

I'm worried because I feel like this will affect all the other medical things that are wrong with me; I have glaucoma in my right eye, my right eye is completely blind (has been since surgery after birth), off/on anemia, and I need to have my wisdom teeth removed this summer and I'm worried that whatever the dentist does will make my T worse.

And I go to college about 8 hours away from home and so when I need to go home for holidays I have to take a plane and I'm worried that flying will cause a T spike so bad that I'll spend my vacations crying and depressed.

I'm almost starting to think I need to see a psychologist or a counselor or something! But I can't afford that on top of all my other medical expenses!

Help! I'm at a loss for what to do!

 

@derpytia, try not to worry so much about the future--try to live in the day. I know it's difficult but you can do it. Take one day at a time. It really helped me to see a therapist. It helped me get over my fear of tinnitus and the fear that my life is ruined. It's not. Your doctors can answer your questions about your other medical problems...

 

First thing. I'm not assuming I completely understand what you are going through. I wouldn't do that. Nobody should. But perhaps I can help a bit.

At this point you probably should take things one at a time. As a trusted counsellor has told me, it's no help thinking much about what the future may bring. Best thing is to take care of yourself now. Do what is needed in the short term, like working on your perception of the tinnitus. You've probably heard the term 'habituate'. Trust me that it happens with many, many of us. And since yours is not overly intrusive, be confident that things get better.

As for your career, it is my understanding that T is not uncommon among folks working in the music biz. You may need to take precautions and, OK, so maybe hearing loss makes it a bit harder to hear subtle high notes. Good, talented, hard-working people get and keep good jobs, in my opinion.

Lastly, a psychologist or a counsellor could very well be a big help. Perhaps there are services available at your school. Also, some in the field are compassionate enough to work at a reduced rate if they know you have limited funds.

Hope this help.

MikeA

 

@MikeA Thanks. Perhaps that's what I'll do when I go home this summer. I've tried going to the counseling services at my college but it is almost impossible to get an appointment there unless it's at the beginning of the year because so many people go there and there's only five counselors.

It's just very frustrating because I've had "disabilities" all my life and I've never ever let them get in the way of doing what I want to do. But this T is a whole other ballgame and it's like nothing I've ever dealt with before. But I'll do my best because I have no other choice. Hopefully time will be on my side.

 

Sorry to hear that you are suffering, derpytia. Time will definitely be on our side. Your tinnitus being so new a sensation, your body and your nerve are a bit overwhelmed now with the new stimulus. The trauma of T is causing your brain to function under the limbic system of fright or fight. Your brain will have many distorted thoughts about the future, called cognitive distortions. But you will not always think nor react the same way in a year or two from now. Why? A few years back I was overwhelmed with ultra high pitched loud T. Worse I was also attacked soon after by hyperacusis. All normal sounds turned glassy in quality, and were piercingly hurtful to my senses as if being drilled constantly by all sounds. I had to wear earplugs all the time, but the plugs blocked off all outside sounds, making the harsh T shrill so dominant and unbearable. I had to choose the lesser of two evils and there was no lesser choice between T & H. The brain saw no way out and it caved into relentless panic attacks, being that I was a panic prone person before T & H. So besides the horror of T & H, I also had to face the terrible symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks all day. I had to depend on meds just to survive each long, dark day.

I thought I would never recover from such 'hell' of a life. But never say never. I am here back to normal today, living an absolutely enjoyable and productive life. I even travel often as I am here in Hawaii on a vacation. Life is beautiful. If I had known that time and a positive attitude plus some CBT strategies would turn my sufferings around, I would have not spent so much time in total misery and trauma during the initial phase of T. So hang in there. Don't despair. You will be just fine in time as your T is not the most intrusively loud type. But you must give time enough time for the body to absorb the new sensation. I encourage you to read up all the success stories to give yourself some hope and comfort about the future. Take it easy and keep positive. God bless your recovery.

 

You are under a great deal of stress. This time of life is usually filled with stress, and adding tinnitus just makes it worse. When I was in college I felt my whole life depended upon what I achieved in college. The parents, profs and counselors only reinforced that idea which increased the stress to achieve. And the stress only makes the tinnitus worse or at least seem worse. I know mine is harder to deal with when stressed.

A wise person once told me to be gentle with myself. That was the best advice I have ever had. I offer it to you. Be gentle with yourself. Take a bit of time to breathe. Find a small amount of time everyday to quiet you mind---yeah I know it can't get really quiet with the tinnitus screeching, but what I mean is to find a time clear out all the thoughts in your mind and go to a place that is relaxing for you. The shower can be a great place for this as the water noise helps mask the T and the water can be relaxing. But there are many ways to do this. You can do a search to find different methods and one that works for you. There are also many relaxation techniques and some involve breathing techniques. Since you are a musician, I imagine that you already know breathing is important. A good counselor can help you with relaxing techniques.

I think this site has some discussion on how to handle airplane travel and T. I hope they help. Sending you gentle hugs.

 

Hey, just take things easy. Cross the bridge about the dentist when you come to it, I'm sure that won't affect your hearing. When you get on a plane T or whatever happens (blocked ears, pressure build up) always goes away. It depends on your hearing state how long it will take. I have a hearing loss and T and it took me about 2 hours to feel normal again. Which isn't that bad! And it was only because the flight was later in the evening! So try and get a early afternoon or morning flight to help with that! Its the least of your worries!

Your hearing will not affect whatever job you get, it might make things more difficult but you can invest in hearing aids which I find are quite good at blocking out T.

Remember that stressing yourself out actually makes T worse. My advice is turn on some soothing light music for about half an hour and just take sometime to clear your head and think things through. Organise all your worries and clutter in you mind, and then slowly start mending them and sorting them out, while listening to the music. If you really love music then surround yourself with it while you figure stuff out. (Keep it on low though)

Be strong, we all have times of feeling like this but don't let it beat you down! You don't have to be alone! Keep posting if your still worried! You can always talk to someone close to you like a good friend or family member.

Sending strength and support

 

I had to actually quit playing, and listening to a lot of music because of a bad 2 year spike (caused by loud music) and once the spike went down, any music would bring on the T almost but not as bad as the huge spike I had. In the meantime, I gave up playing instruments with metal strings. I discovered old fashioned 1800's style nylon string banjos (as in my photo) and very slowly started getting back into metal string guitars which didn't seem to bother me after about a 15 month break from music altogether. After deciding I better stick to acoustic music and mild amplification only, I took a chance and picked up my guitar again, I can still remember the T screaming between chords and I wondered if I was hurting my ears more. But I just played quietly to myself because I love music. I thought that would be as good as it would get and I was very happy just to be playing again. On this forum I discovered the method you've probably read about in my posts. Incredibly, since October, not only is my T WAY down and out of the picture, but I can again play my fiddle except on the high notes on the high string, and actually put a harmonica in my face and play quite loudly as long as I stay away from 2 notes at a time in the high register. One high note seems to be OK. I attribute this comeback to healing time and the (Back-To-Silence) method. I was a mess but most of all did not want to give up music. I came to the point where I did not want to wait for habituation any longer and I was lucky to read about this method which lets me actually combat T. Some people now on the forum think the same method may be working for them. Time will tell.
I'm 56, I've had T since I was 14. I used to worry too that, by this age, I'd be a lunatic but that's not the case (unless you ask my wife!).