I Can't Stop Blaming Myself

Discussion in 'Support' started by demi, Feb 12, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. demi
      No Mood

      demi Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2012
      My T had become barely audible until my spike after stupidly going to a concert at the end of November. Now not only is my T louder but in January I developed what I believe is Hyperacusis, as well as problems with tensor tympani muscle & eustachian Tube Dysfunction. ugh.

      I feel like I come to TT for support, but more so than not I hear negative things about none of these things ever going away. I need to just stop researching what symptoms and finding this stuff out, because there is no treatment for any of this.

      I just am hoping and wishing and praying that my T is just having a long spike, and that this other things will fade too.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. citigirl13
      Dreaming

      citigirl13 Member

      Location:
      North Yorkshire, England
      Tinnitus Since:
      17/1/14
      Hi Demi.

      I have had a bad day myself: I am scared that my T is noise-induced despite the doctor say she could see mucus in my ear. The ringing was low until driving and for some reason the ears feel pressured. I thought the ringing increased too :-( but have calmed down. Helps that it's pouring with rain so can't hear.

      You can't blame yourself. The way I see it, if you hadn't gone to that concert a loud restaurant or film would have set it off. Unfortunately the world is not a quiet place. You can't blame yourself.

      Hang in there. Try getting your mind off it. Go through the motions of feeling good and it will happen. Apparently if you smile it improves your mood, even if you're sad. We're all feeling for you and get where you're coming from. Thank god for this site!!!
       
    3. AliHT
      Amused

      AliHT Member

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      I feel your pain Demi!


      My H and T all began because of a series of decisions in which had I aborted even one I would have been spared. The probability of acquiring H and T the way I did is really one in a million... yet I have it. I've been through a devastating guild trip the previous weeks. This was a sort of a mini-death experience for me.


      What can one do? Absolutely nothing. The mind creates an illusion in which by the act of replaying old memories it presumes it can automatically go back an alter the past, which is quite inane. You need to understand it as such, the illusion of the past. Word forward. Relaxation is key here. Find refuge in the things you love!


      I'm new to this Tinnitus thing, yet I can't but help feel a sense of pride in having something to share with good people, even if that very thing makes us perceivably weaker, our strength is in numbers here. Stay strong!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    4. mikey13
      Mellow

      mikey13 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2/ 2014
      Can't blame yourself. something would trigger it eventually. I still wonder what did mine - was it the restaurant I went to that day? the mall? the bookstore? from driving? all of the above? doesn't matter. it happened,and here it is.

      maybe I'm out of line here,but have you seen or thought about seeking counseling or a therapist? I only ask because it seems like you're having a very difficult time dealing with your condition.

      someone had some good advice - do something, ANYTHING,just to keep your mind off of it. go for a walk, read a book,play some games online, go out to eat,go shopping,go exercise,adopt a pet to take care of. even if you have to force yourself all the time to do something,in the end you'll still be occupying your time - and your brain - with something other than T.
       
    5. mandi
      Wishful

      mandi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/4/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ear infection
      Praying for you, Demi. Do you have a tinnitus support group to go to? Any people you know with tinnitis? You can find groups if you google it. You certainly need support to deal with this. I am new to it, and talking to the leader of the local tinnitus support group really helped me a lot. Somehow Jesus will show us a way...but think we badly need other people to walk with in this journey. Blessings to you.
       
    6. mandi
      Wishful

      mandi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/4/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ear infection
      It's true, Demi, I keep rehearsing what I did to get in this mess... Trying to give it to Jesus, and have Him take my sense of guilt that I did something wrong. I think only He can do that. And that is a daily process probably too. Just think, Ronald Reagan had tinnitus and was one of the greatest Presidents our country has ever had. There is a way! Let's believe for getting to be better people through this, like he was, and not worse. He depended daily on God too.
       
    7. Off-Kilter
      Artistic

      Off-Kilter Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      This maxim gives me some relief from blaming myself (when I remember to do it):

      "Be a determinist about the past, but a libertarian about the future."

      This is some philosophy jargon, but basically it relates to the "free will" issue. As human beings we are torn between the objective conclusion that we have no free will, and the subjective conclusion that we do have free will. This is an eternal paradox of being a subjective mind in an objective world.

      Why not use this to your advantage?

      When you think about your past, think: "It had to be that way, it was inevitable."

      When you think about your future, think: "What should I do now?"
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    8. Sara_Bond
      Cool

      Sara_Bond Member Benefactor

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      28.10.2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      Hi Demi,

      I totally feel you. I'm always doing a rewind of all the events that lead to this state of mind. I have T and H (moderate), and honestly the one thats bothers me much is T. Even I have some earache, pains due to H, it's like I can bear the pain. But this sound even sometimes (mostly in the mornings) is lower and can have some relief, knowing is there, is just sthg that is driving me crazy.

      I think that H would slightly get away if you are careful, and exposing to noise step by step. Concerning the T, only time will help.
       
      • Useful Useful x 1
    9. Zora
      Kick ass

      Zora Member

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      1st time: Megaphone ;2nd time: headphones too loud
      Hey Demi.
      I am in the same situation as you.
      I got T in 2014 after a friend of mine shouted in my ear though a megaphone. So I had T but it was almost never noticeable. I still went to the club but always wore earplugs.
      Then in December 2015 I had a VERY depressed week. So to escape my situation back then I listened to music on my iphone via headphones on Maximum volume. Fucking stupid, biggest mistake of my life.
      ALTHOUGH i knew what T was and I already had a buzzing and hissing after the 3rd day, but I kept ignoring it :(
      So yeah...I dont know what else to say. I am only 20 and I feel like this has ruined my life forever. I have wished so many fucking times to be able to turn back time. But we cannot. I hate to say it but:"we have to make the best out of it" Now I am giving you advise I cant even follow myself :( Tinnitus is fucking horrible and sometimes I get crazy suicidal thoughts and find myself on websites on how to kill myself the best way. But I wont do that because I dont want others to suffer. My family and friends love me and I am sure yours love you too.
      But I suffer. And I will suffer.
      I read all 284 success stories on this site, but yeah habituation has not come to me...yet.
      Pm me If you want to chat.
       
    10. Zora
      Kick ass

      Zora Member

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      1st time: Megaphone ;2nd time: headphones too loud
      @demi did you wear earplugs when you went to they concert?
       

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