I Don't Want to Live

Discussion in 'Support' started by Kelsie, Jan 7, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      exausted, depressed, anxious.. Only 17 and 2 weeks in and the thought of not being alive is becoming a very pleasing thought.. I'm so young and to think of living with this my whole life is killing me, don't think I'm gonna make it through this, might give up.
       
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    2. RaZaH
      Not amused

      RaZaH Member Benefactor Team Tech

      Location:
      Reykjavík, Iceland
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012/04
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Benzo + loud noise
      Hang in there, its very important at this point in time to relax , seriously !
      This might make the difference between getting rid of this crap.
      Go to the pool ,do some activities, I know its hard but its crucial not to get stuck in this loop.
      I wish someone would have told me that at the beginning.

      2 weeks ! You are well withing the time limits of getting rid of this , even if it takes more time.

      Its absolutely crucial to find the strength to ignore this at this point !
       
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    3. ceauses97
      Speechless

      ceauses97 Member

      Location:
      Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/12/15
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music/chemotherapy/hypercalcemia
      only been two weeks, atleast wait before you kill yourself. Its only considered permanent after 6-8 months. Might as well fade away soon. who knows, if youre lucky it may be gone tomorrow.
       
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    4. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma from airplane descent, noise exposure? ETD? TMJD?
      You're way too young to be thinking this way. If you are only 2 weeks in, it may get better. You could try a course of Prednisone. If 99% of your body is fine, just start to think positive about finding a solution to your noise.
       
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    5. Michael2013
      Happy

      Michael2013 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      September 2013
      Hi Kelsie,

      One thing to always remember is that this is HARD to deal with for most people who first get tinnitus. I once felt the same way as you, but I am fine now. I live a happy life despite the fact that I once thought there was no way I could live like this or support my family (especially with a little one on the way at the time). But for the vast majority of people with tinnitus, they recover and go on to live happy normal lives.

      One of a couple of things will happen for you, your tinnitus will go away or reduce in volume or severity (given how long you have had it, this is a very good possibility). Or you will adjust to it and your brain will simply put it in the background to the point where it will not even bother you. You won't even notice it's there. It will just take time to get to that point.

      My advice to you would be to focus on the success stories you can find online and then just know you will one day be able to write your own.

      -Mike
       
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    6. PatrickG

      PatrickG Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Stockholm, Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punch/kick to the right ear
      @Kelsie I know how you feel... I'm 35 and had severe T for about 11 weeks now and the first few weeks up until recently have been awful. But it's starting to get better. I felt the way you did, I really did! I have two close friends who got severe T in their twenties and they got better within a year and have no problem living with it. They, and many many more. Most people actually get better with time. The people that are writing here on the forum is a really smart portion of all the affected.

      And since you T is so new, it can vanish soon. Keep your hope and head up, you will get through this. I know how hard it is in the beginning but you will get better and you will get stronger and become a changed but more humble person. You have to know you can.
       
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    7. SteveSkis92
      Dumb

      SteveSkis92 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxicity from Electronic Cigarettes (Propylene Glycol)
      Hang in there @Kelsie. I know this is a painfully difficult and exhausting thing to deal with sometimes, but things DO get better. I'm just about one year into my tinnitus and not only has it improved, but my feelings towards it and my view of life have changed too. For the better!

      I agree with what others have said here that you are WELL within the range of this going away. Take care of yourself and let your body heal. Lots of water, exercise if possible, and a healthy diet will only help right now!

      I know it's tough, I had similar thoughts when I first got T, but hang in there. Things often get better with time! This forum is filled with lots of nightmare tinnitus stories, which is absolutely tragic, but not very common. You're way too young to be thinking like that. Please feel free to PM if you'd like. There are people here to share support and advice during this difficult time. Don't give up!
       
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    8. daniel1111
      Shitfaced

      daniel1111 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Amsterdam
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced, repeated exposure with loud headphones.
      @Kelsie , this is exactly how I felt 2 weeks ago. DON'T GIVE UP!

      I couldn't even imagine living the next 6 seconds at some points.

      Today, I haven't felt bad about my tinnitus one little bit.
       
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    9. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      @Kelsie ,
      I know tinnitus is tough going and the unwanted emotions and lack of sleep make it tough going.

      It will get better duck and life wont feel so hard.
      I know we have no magic wand and its the here and now thats hard going.

      Try not to forward think about the future with tinnitus as their is every chance it will go away or calm down and not as bad.

      Like others have said read the successful stories for comfort and take strength from them you can get to that better place with your sound too.
      Always happy to talk with you if in the uk at no cost to you.

      Keep posting for support ...lots of love glynis
       
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    10. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      Good news!! Got word of this holistic Healer, who specializes in nerves and fixing things like tinnitus, migraines, depression, many things through Koren specific technique, vibration therapy, and halo botanical light therapy for tinnitus.. reported 95% of people who come for tinnitus treatment either have it disappear or lower drastically in volume.. Excited to get checked Out to see what she can do. Got an appointment today. friends who have seen her swear by it!
       
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    11. Cheza
      Wishful

      Cheza Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barking dogs/stress
      Oh, Lord. :banghead:
       
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    12. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      I would look into it before you part with any money as I know so many people who have tried so called treatment plans to no avail ...lots of love glynis
       
    13. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      Got referred by one of my professors who had lived with T for 10 years.. Tried halo and kst and swears that is what got rid of her T.. Willing to try anything, especially things straying from mainstream medicine as I am not a fan at all of our medical/pharmasuitical industry... Prefer to stick to alternative medicine.
       
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    14. Charron
      Badass

      Charron Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Kent uk
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Sshl???
      We all hope it works for you, let us all know how you get on, there are lots of people here with good advice, I too felt like u a few weeks ago, now I'm doing fine, thanks to the people on this forum, good luck to u and hugs xx
       
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    15. Cheza
      Wishful

      Cheza Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barking dogs/stress
      And next you'll be giving us the website for this "healer," who probably does "long distance healing."

      That's what made snake oil sellers so popular. From the HALO Multiverse website:
      "Multi-botanical solutions." A fancy term for Bach Flower Remedies.
       
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    16. Andersson
      Worried

      Andersson Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2012
      I been to a few things like Qi-therapy etc and I always went into them neutral.
      Did not really help my tinnitus directly, but some helped me lower other things in my life like anxiety etc, which helped T in turn a bit.
      I also believe in it like my mother, that have fibro and arthritis in her knee. She did qi light therapy and put 2 nails in my mother and her knee was good for almost 2 months, she been to chiropractictioner, acupuncture, physical therapy etc before but nothing worked. This did.

      Her ex have rheumatism and he could not straighten his fingers, it was like a claw. He had that for 3 years, been through EVERYTHING in the social healthcare system to try and fix it, nothing worked.
      This QI-therapy lady made him being able to straighten his fingers in 4 sessions, it still is good after years now.


      Sadly most those things are very expensive and I cannot afford to go regularly.
      I would love to give TCM a try as well but none anywhere close to here, and quite rare overall in my country to find a good one.
      I never went to things like that to "cure" my tinnitus though, but to see what it's like overall for my body.

      I believe in alternative medicine a lot, but curing T, no.
       
    17. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      @Cheza i am a strong believer in Edward Bach and his teachings.. Read a few of his books including Heal thyself.. So I know about it. Like I said, I prefer any type of alternative medicine. I am not looking for a cure by any means more or less something that can possibly provide some relief.
       
    18. Thericker

      Thericker Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2010
      Please do not give up. I struggled very badly and contemplated same thing. I'm so lucky I did not do anything. My T completely disappeared after 4 LONG months. Give it time
       
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    19. Lmsdocjeff

      Lmsdocjeff Member

      Kelsie, start with the basics and remember to breath. Dealing with T at first is so overwhelming we all get to the point that we feel drained, sad, angry and also feel that if one more person tells me it's all gonna be okay, I want to scream!! We all have unique experiences with T in our lives. There will be well meaning people tell you that they know how you feel. The truth is, they don't! No one knows how T is effecting you and how your feeling about it but you. I developed T early in my life. I felt life no longer held anything for me. Well... I've been a Psychologist for over three decades now. Yup, I'm a doc with T. Look beyond where you are right at this moment. What were your plans before T? Do they even need to change? You have amazing support in a fantastic group of people right here. Let us share and lift some of that burden.
       
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    20. Lmsdocjeff

      Lmsdocjeff Member

      Now there you go! Take the Bull by the horns! I am so impressed that you have decided rather than sit back and feel overwhelmed you are talking, researching and taking action!!
       
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    21. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      @Lmsdocjeff have you gotten used to your t, or has it went away or lowered?? Thanks for the kind words, looking deeply into anything that can possibly help reduce the sound!
       
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    22. Kelsie

      Kelsie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/27/15
      @Thericker how did you develop yours? How old were you and how severe was it? mine came out of no where, no explanation :/
       
    23. Karen
      Talkative

      Karen Manager Staff Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      First time: Noise 2nd Time: Ototoxic drug
      @Kelsie,

      I've had tinnitus for many years, and mine was at its very worst at the start. I was distraught, and spent every day crying and thinking my life was over. Now, however, I've learned some coping techniques that make it a lot easier to deal with.

      I tried a lot of alternative therapies, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, yoga, reiki, and cranial sacral therapy. All of them were calming, but for me, none of them really helped my tinnitus. However, these therapies can help you deal with life much better, so it's worth a try. I just hope it isn't too expensive. I had to finally stop going to the acupuncturist, due to the cost.

      Good luck, and take the advice that all of us on Tinnitus Talk have to offer. We're here for you!

      Best wishes and hugs,
      Karen
       
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    24. Thericker

      Thericker Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2010
      Kelsie

      I was 32. It was awful. Very intrusive. I got it Jan 19th 2010 about a month after a bout w viral meningitis. Before they confirmed it was viral., the hospital loaded me up with antibiotics in case it was bacterial. I suspect but have no proof that was the cause of my T. I didn't know what to do or where to turn so like many others I tried everything I could. Changed my diet, had MRI, took lipoflavnoids and did acupuncture. After the first two months I went back to eating what I liked as I could tell it was having no affect on my t. The only things I suspect it may have helped, again I have no proof, was the acupuncture and or the lipoflavonoids. Around Valentine's Day 2010 I did take a 6 day presnidone steriod which dramatically lowered the volume that helped a lot but it was still very loud and super intrusive. I spent the next couple months and doing what I detailed earlier in the post. I remember the day before it went away for good I had an acupuncture session got home and was going through the worst spike of my tinnitus. I remember breaking down and crying. The next day it was gone. Maybe the tears knocked something? No idea. I just consider myself very lucky
       
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    25. Lmsdocjeff

      Lmsdocjeff Member

      Hey Kelsie,
      My T will change depending on the time of day, if I'm sleep deprived, if I've gone for an extended period without food, any kind of physical or emotional stress. I've learned to incorporate my T in various situations through meditation. There are various techniques you can learn that help your Reticular Activating System habituate and filter out the T so you can have a life.
       
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    26. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      I wrote some advice tonight for a person in very acute distress, and then forwarded that advice to another person bordering on the suicidal. All of them of course extremely anxious and sleep-deprived. I'll share the original post with you:
      "Medication for anxiety and sleep will probably help in every way:
      1. You will fall asleep faster
      2. Stay asleep longer
      3. Your ears can heal far more effectively while asleep.
      4. During sleep your mind/brain can recalibrate and stop trying to turn up the volume(causing tinnitus)
      5.[important] When you are awake, your neurons will not be manic, via your anxiety, inflaming your condition and preventing your mind from recovering.
      Your anxiety puts you at high risk(imo) for tinnitus, because utilizing the physical ears without messing it up, takes a balanced mind.
      Please address your underlying causes: anxiety and sleeplessness. Medication is the answer if you are not already on it. Being a "super-anxious person", you probably fear the side-effects of meds, but please fear your current condition more."
      It may not apply to you completely, but it illustrates the point. You want to get excited about treatment? Get excited about calming the mind during the day, and sleeping at night. Everything else you pursue is great; but imo, this above all else for the imm
       
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    27. Dmitry
      Creative

      Dmitry Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Music
      Kelsie...you will have to just BELIEVE me when I say that it gets better.
      The rate of recovery might be slightly different for every person, but it won't bother you so much later!
      You will look back in 1/2 years time and be proud of yourself and will enjoy life again.
      The whole point of anxiety/depression is it blinds you from the truth.
      I felt 100% the same when I first acquired tinnitus.
      Take some meds if you really need to
       
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    28. AnxiousJon
      Magical

      AnxiousJon Member

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Anxiety, Insomnia, and a Fan at Night
      Exactly,
      and once you get used to the tinnitus, you can give up the meds if you do not have chronic anxiety or chronic insomnia. The person I wrote that for had intense, chronic anxiety(like yours truly). Also as Dmitry said, I never recognized it as anxiety; I just thought reality was messed up; I was wrong; it was my head that was messed up. But whether that mental state of mania is caused by biology or an event in your life, you gotta treat it somehow; and yeah, if nothing else works(and for me I tried everything for a very long time), then please give medication a shot.
       
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    29. Vicki14
      Wishful

      Vicki14 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Scotland
      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress
      @Kelsie - I too have only just started to experience this horrific high pitch tone in my ears and have gone through all sorts of unwanted emotions!! Stay strong and draw support from all this wonderful advice knowing that there may be light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up!! Xx
       
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    30. beachbum74

      beachbum74 Member

      Kelsie, I just started this journey too and while I am praying for it to go away, I am doing what I can to learn to live with it and not let it control my life. I have failed on that for the past few days. I'm not eating, drinking, exercising, taking care of myself and I'm crying on a daily basis, multiple times a day but I just called my ENT for some anti-anxiety meds to help me get control over myself which I know will help my T. They appear to be doing so much research for this condition, especially since it is the #1 disability claim with Veterans, and I have to have hope that one day, they will find a treatment, maybe not ever a cure but a treatment to help those of us who are dealing with this. You are so young, what if you give up tomorrow and a treatment that works is found tomorrow? Try to focus each day on the good you have in life. I know it's easy to want to give up as I have been there with you but give it some time, focus on taking care of you and hopefully like many here have said, you will habituate to it eventually and you may still have bad days but there will be better days too. Hang in there.
       

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