I Have Hit Rock Bottom :(

Discussion in 'Support' started by Maddy, May 16, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Maddy
      Doubtful

      Maddy Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      31/3/14
      Ok so I'm in my second month of T and it's been a roller coaster of emotion at first beginning with complete despair and then turned into me being able to manage the t during the day and was getting just about enough sleep most nights.

      However as of the last two days my T has been extremely loud, louder than ever and especially at night! This has caused my anxiety levels to rocket and last night I really hit rock bottom. I was sharing the bed with my mum as usually the company seems to help with my anxiety but my T was ringing like crazy and I could hear it even over the radio. Lying there with my mum asleep next to me and nothing but the T filling my ears I honestly couldn't see myself living the rest of my life in this way.

      After about an hour of trying to console myself I got up and went out into the backyard into my pajamas and sat outside on the path in the freezing cold and just wept like there was no tomorrow! I have no idea how long I was out there, my dad found me outside at around 3:30am and took me inside where I remained inconsolable and neither of my parents really knew what to do or say. I eventually got back into bed and cried myself to sleep! How can I continue like this? I just feel like bursting into the tears all the time and being so tired really isn't helping either :(
       
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    2. dgn58

      dgn58 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1995
      Maddy have you connected with the British Tinnitus Association. They can help you with managing your tinnitus, I have heard some wonderful things about this association.

      Don't despair, over time you will find things to help you deal with Tinnitus. Sound therapy TRT, is one of the more popular programs. You will be fine, don't focus on it, keep yourself busy doing things, and ignore it, the best you can.

      BTA will help recommend specialist in the Tinnitus field.
       
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    3. Maddy
      Doubtful

      Maddy Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      31/3/14
      Hi there,

      No I hadn't even thought of that! Will get on to that ASAP! Thank you for advice and kind words they are so greatly appreciated!
       
    4. Michael2013
      Happy

      Michael2013 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      September 2013
      Hang in there, Maddy. The second month is still very early in the adjustment period. It takes time, but you'll eventually get to a much better place. For me, my second month with T was probably the worst in terms of anxiety. The best thing to do at this point is to find something you enjoy to occupy your time during the day, every day. Get up in the morning, get ready, and go out. Do something and stay active all day if you can.
       
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    5. Hudson
      Cowboy

      Hudson Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Maddy, you're still very early on in tinnitus. It can still quiet down immensely or go away. Even if it does not do that, the vast majority of people come to view it as a total non-issue in their lives. I know it's hard to imagine that, but it honestly does happen and has happened to me. Really avoid the thoughts of "My life is over." That just feeds your anxiety and gets you stuck in the loop of concentrating on your tinnitus and imagining impending doom. It may help to see a psychiatrist. I'm no doc but it sounds like you're having some depression and anxiety issues, which are all too common with tinnitus sufferers (nothing to be ashamed about, it doesn't mean you're crazy!). Of course, avoiding thoughts of "my life is now over" is always easier said than done. Time will be the biggest healer, but you can help yourself along the way by challenging some of those negative thoughts now. Hang in there, you will pull through this. :)
       
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    6. Hudson
      Cowboy

      Hudson Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      @Maddy,

      How did you get your tinnitus? It may be worthwhile for you to look into the AM-101 trials that are taking place now. They have multiple centers participating all over the UK. If your tinnitus was noise induced or due to an ear infection, it may be a very good idea to look into participating in those trials. I would give it a shot in a heart beat if I met their inclusion criteria.

      http://www.tinnitus-study.info/uk-study-centres
       
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    7. Asian

      Asian Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      4 weeks
      Same thing happened to me a few days back. It's understandable that remaining positive in such situations is extremely tough and the future seems scary. Sucks to be here man we understand. We have all been there and are still learning to cope and everyday is a new experience in the beginning. So every person on this forum will really feel the pain you are in right now. No matter how devastating and permenant it seems now, you have to believe that it WILL eventually get better down the road. Yes you may have some setbacks, but your ability to cope will make you proud and amazed of yourself some day and you will look back remembering this day as a bad memory. It just takes time and more time

      Take heart from all the kind souls on this forum, we will surely one day see a success story from you like many others have written theirs after their tough initial days. It gets better man. As others have said, occupy yourself and find ways to manage it meanwhile your body tries to adapt. It may disappear as well someday for you. You never know. Mine is loud as well and I am also in second month of T.

      I have other concussion symptoms as well and I can barely walk more than 50 steps at a time and forget about going out or travelling or hanging out with friends. I am not allowed to do that. Life has hit rock bottom and I left my job because of my injury. My fiancée left me and broke the engagement. Sucks big time. Hang in there buddy. Your attitude makes a huge difference in coping with T. What cannot kill you only makes you stronger.
       
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    8. kenny
      English

      kenny Member

      Location:
      london uk
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      HI Maddy, I think most hit rock bottom at first, I know I did, I had terrible thoughts about how my life is going to be, I am now into 8 months and really ontop of my tinnitus, I promise you will overcome this debilitating condition, I contacted the BTA and they were very helpfull, I purchased there sound oasis machine, it does help, I am sure in some months time you will be coping much better, just hang on in there, it does get better
       
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    9. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      Hey Maddy, don`t give up and don`t be too overwhelmed by al these emotions. Let it all happen, you are allowed to cry over this and curse every god in the universe! But don`t give up and find the things that give meaning to your life. I remeber the first weeks, I was wandering in a forest near my house, crying, falling on my knees screaming at god, begging ... One day this will be behind you, and nomatter how many days or longer it will take, use this experience to be the best human being you can be! The day relief comes or even before you will be like a Phoenix that rises from the flames! ... We know exactly where you are but maybe we know a little better than you where you are going to... it`s gonna be okay ;)

      x
       
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    10. citigirl13
      Dreaming

      citigirl13 Member

      Location:
      North Yorkshire, England
      Tinnitus Since:
      17/1/14
      Oh Maddy. We have all been there. Tomorrow I will have had T for 4 months and though I have gotten better with dealing with my T, I still have trouble dealing with it. A week ago i felt so down about it that I broke down in tears when my mum hugged me, and just sobbed, "it's not fair". And it's not.

      You are going to have some bad moments, especially in the beginning. That's okay. It IS okay to struggle with this. We talk a lot about positivity on this site - which is good - but don't forget that it is ok to cry and get angry. You have done nothing to deserve this. To be honest no one this site deserves this. Only mass murderers and evil people deserve this.

      I would advise you to take one day at a time. When you do hear your T just take some deep breaths and try to calm yourself. Tell yourself "my T is there, but that's okay, it won't be forever". Listen to relaxing sounds. If sleeping with someone calms you that's great. Try to keep your mind off the T. Hard I know, but the more you do it the less you think about it. I got annoyed today because I had fleeting T - but before that I had completely forgotten about my T! I was really annoyed because it reminded me about it.

      I also think that the British Tinnitus Association has a helpline - maybe try calling them? I live in the UK too but I haven't called them - I still believe that my T will go, though to be honest it feels like it will be a while with it.

      Also, try reading some of the success stories. They really help you. Good luck Maddy.
       
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    11. Grace
      No Mood

      Grace Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/14/2013
      Don't give up girl!!!! I know its a pain
      And scary and terrifying sometimes especially laying in bed and thinking god this is all i have to listen to.. But jist think of all of us and everyone else in the world that hears it too. Sometimes when i remind myself im not the only one it helps a bit. Your T should settle again, maybe your goin through a spike? Just dont loose hope, try and continue on with your day as much as you can.. Maybe take an anxiety med before sleep if your having a hard time. Your mind still has plenty of time to adjust and harden to the sound.. I know it sounds ridiculous but everyone can and will just takes time. But always remember your never alone, and everything will be okay. Just think theres only good to come!!!
       
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    12. Penelope33
      Torn

      Penelope33 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2013
      I know where you are, it's not easy but the tears get less as the days go by. I have been going outside every morning at about 4 or 5 am when I'm woken up with the noise. I sit and ponder, feel angry, upset.... The fresh air does me good, I come back to bed calmer. That's key. Do things that calm you. You will find every day easier until one day you will find yourself living like normal and you will think, hey I'm doing what I normally do....live for each day and dont worry about tomorrow.
       
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    13. jewellanne1010

      jewellanne1010 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/1999
      Hi maddy so glad you found this forum it has been a God send to me. Take the advice given and run with it. There is light at the ef of the tunnell. If I may say if you have a bible read the psalms it helps me
       
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    14. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Hi Maddy, like others say, don't give up and a loud spike is quite common for most T sufferers. But the newness of the experience and sensation may overwhelms the nerve for newer sufferers, as they don't know what the future will be. Back a few years ago I had nothing but catastrophic thoughts about my life in the future. So don't worry about it too much. I replied you in PM about how to handle loud spikes. I hope you will understand that loudness of T is not going to hurt us (be it annoying and nerve wrecking at times), but our despondent reactions to it hurt much more. So you need to handle the emotional side of the problem first. As I am typing my T is screaming off the chart, but my brain is no longer reacting to this mad ringing and life goes on. I couldn't do that before but time & a positive attitude plus some good approaches (CBT, or TRT etc) can definitely help people cope or accept their condition. So try to seek help now from this board, from BTA as some suggest, try to get some med to help your anxiety/depression or sleep, and see if you can get some masking to reduce your anxiety. In the mean time, don't despair. Read the success stories. At 2 months even most recovered members or T veterans were in a mess like you too. By reading their stories and their approaches, you will find some wisdom as tell as tips to handle your T better. So think about it, if you know you will be better in a year or two, why worry about the present struggle. It will get better. Take care.
       
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    15. Maddy
      Doubtful

      Maddy Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      31/3/14
      Thank yo
      So sorry to hear about your concussion symptoms as well as the T! You are a true insipiration, it must be so tough to stay positive in such a situation but good on you for preserving!

      Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, it means a lot :)

      All the best!
       
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    16. Maddy
      Doubtful

      Maddy Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      31/3/14
      To everyone that has commented thank you all so much for amazingly positive and supportive words! I can't talk you how much of a god send this website has been and all your advice and stories help me to feel much less alone! It's so easy to feel isolated but knowing there are others out there feeling the same is a massive help! T is a terrible affliction and none us deserve to have to suffer with it!

      The plan for now is it to try my hardest to stay positive and to book a visit to my doctor and ask for a referral to an ENT and also for some sort of therapy to help! I will also get into contact with the BTA :) thank you all again very much and best wishes to you all!
       
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    17. bill 112
      Studious

      bill 112 Member

      Location:
      Republic Of Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      You will be fine Maddy trust me you have a bright future ahead of you I remember when I first got T and fully habituated to it I even gave it a name after a while.I use to call it RIIIINGO:)
       
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    18. Susan1103
      Tolerant

      Susan1103 Member

      Location:
      Massachusetts
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/1988
      I have had T since my early 20's, I'm now 50. It's been a struggle to deal with over the years but I have made peace with it. It is constant and sometimes very loud but I no longer let it interrupt my life or my thoughts. I have found that putting too much thought and emphasis on it not only causes stress and worry but also makes it seem louder and more constant. You will get to a point where you can successfully ignore the annoying noise and be able to go on with your daily life without giving your T much notice. Mind over matter is a very powerful tool.
       
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    19. MattL
      Jaded

      MattL Member

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's

      Really? Sorry to tell you this but your mind is playing tricks on you. How old are you?

      Let me give you something to contemplate. If you walked into a hospital room full of people in wheel chairs, would you tell THEM that you had hit rock bottom?

      I know this message might sound harsh but it is reality, and you need to keep telling yourself that.
       
    20. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      @MattL , the post is 6 months old.
       
    21. MattL
      Jaded

      MattL Member

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's
      lol (y)

      Blame Susan...:dohanimation:
       
    22. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      Hi Maddy,
      I've had T since I was 14. I'm 56. I'll bet yours will be better than mine and go away or get a lot better in the future. When I was a teenager my ears would ring and ring and I'd keep playing loud music anyway.
      I started doing something a few months ago, that I learned here. It helped me a lot. I wonder if it would help people with T that have only had it a few months or years? I bet it would.
      When I hear the T and it's driving me nuts, I tell myself how I feel about it. I say, "It's driving me nuts." Or I say, "I think I'm more mad today." But I never, never tell myself what the T sounds like. I never say, "It's so loud I can't stand it." This simple way of measuring my feelings instead of the T is the best thing I've tried in all these years. Think about that - I got T in 1974. If you look back in my posts you'll see how strongly I believe that this can work for others. Because it worked on me.
      I bet people reading this think I'm goofy because this sounds too easy. I kept at and in a few weeks I started to feel happy and relaxed and one day suddenly realized there was no T !!!! But as soon as I thought about the T, I could hear it!! So this technique must somehow push the T away to a place where I don't notice it. I refuse to measure it, I only measure my feelings about it.
      Let me tell you what I tried in the past and it either didn't work or only worked for a little while -
      Reading.
      Running.
      Chiropractor doctors.
      Ear drops.
      Accupressure.
      Vitamins.
      Special pillows.
      Dental bite guard.
      Exercises.
      Masking sounds.
      Trying to ignore my T.
      Going to ear doctors.
      Meditation.
      Etc..... I tried a lot of things.
      But none of them worked as well as the technique I described. I learned it here on the forum.
       
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