People Are Cruel to People with Tinnitus and Depression

Discussion in 'Support' started by SeekIngAlpha, Aug 21, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      People are horrible to you when you have tinnitus and depression.
       
      • Agree Agree x 5
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    2. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      I think that people in general tend to be self-centered to the point of being obnoxious, and that being depressed and distressed about tinnitus just makes us more sensitive to that. That is, the worse I feel, the more likely I am to really get triggered by things people say or do, but I think they do those things all the time and feeling bad just erodes my ability to ignore it.

      It's a bummer, though; shitty people are the worst, and everyone is shitty for some portion of the day.
       
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    3. Sebastians

      Sebastians Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      13/10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Guitars, loud girls and guns
      Ehm, didn't you say:

      'Had it for 11 years and now through exercise and mindful meditation it has gone, however I don't know how to handle the quiet'
       
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    4. undecided
      Fine

      undecided Member

      Location:
      Greece
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown.
      • Funny Funny x 2
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    5. Sebastians

      Sebastians Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      13/10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Guitars, loud girls and guns
      @undecided
      I should check my white male privilege..
       
      • Like Like x 1
    6. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Everyone treats me like shit. Tells me that I have zero to complain about. Irony is they all complain about their shit but if I complain about mine they gang up on me.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
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    7. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Really rudeness from someone on the forum. It's unbelievable. Just reported you.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    8. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      Undecided, regarding your cause of tinnitus....

      !!! ?

      (If true we are all doomed)
       
      • Like Like x 1
    9. undecided
      Fine

      undecided Member

      Location:
      Greece
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown.
      Hey, I am just speculating here, no cause for drama.
      And in any case, I don't want to complain about my shit as @SeekIngAlpha has so eloquently put it.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    10. Alue

      Alue Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      People just suck in general. My tinnitus was caused by someone else. Even after he knew he messed up my hearing potentially permanently he was more concerned with not getting in trouble.

      Others that were involved in the situation were even worse than that. Because tinnitus was subjective it was made out like I was making it all up. I could go on, but it's a pretty shitty situation and just adds to the frustration, I get angry any time I revisit it.

      I was a misanthrope before tinnitus, I'm even more misanthropic now.
       
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    11. Madi H

      Madi H Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Feb 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure, probably headphones
      All of you please read my open prayer in success stories. It'd do you guys some good.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    12. Sebastians

      Sebastians Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      13/10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Guitars, loud girls and guns
      Well it made me giggle, until i saw you were serious..
       
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    13. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      (Disclaimer, this is just for Sebastians and is not directed at anyone in particular lol)
       
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    14. Philip

      Philip Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2013
      Pray...praying is for the damned.

      I've never been that desperate.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    15. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      I don't think I'm damned and I don't especially believe in God but I find prayer and daily gratitude for something nice that happened useful. To each their own ;)
       
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    16. Sen
      Caffeine

      Sen Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October, 2012.
      isolation and lack of empathy from others is an extremely typical part of having an invisible illness. if they can't see it, they can't relate. unless there is an obvious, visual or terminal diagnosis, it's far too abstract for most people to comprehend.

      i find it difficult sometimes to fault people for this, because i was the same way prior to my experiences. i'm even the same way now to an extent, although i find i'm more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.
       
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    17. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      People in general are cruel -- even though some don't realize they are being so. Like @linearb said, I try not to let it get to me.

      And I try to learn from it. I have realized, after developing tinnitus, that there have been times when I was insensitive, too. I never was very patient when years ago, a friend complained a lot about her chronic back pain -- because I couldn't see it and never had experienced it.

      Having said that: @SeekIngAlpha, if you have friends (versus people you just casually meet) who are "ganging up on you" when you complain about your tinnitus, you need different friends. I was a bad friend to that person with back pain. I deserved to be fired from that friendship, and kind of was. You may have tinnitus, but you also have choices.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    18. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      I've found everyone I've mentioned my tinnitus to has been very supportive. I have not had one instance where people have been hurtful or negative. That said I don't go around spouting about it to every Tom, Dick or Harry.
      For every dickhead out there there are two decent folk in my view. The internet may be different though as it seems to bring out the worst in people especially if they are able to hide behind nicknames.
       
    19. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      This is true. Try to find a way to make it visible. My family and friends didn't really comprehend how bad my eyes were until I figured out how to show them. I got an OCT scan that showed a massive black smudge in front of my macula. No one's laughing now.

      I must say that although tinnitus (and the eye bullshit) has effectively ended my life/put my life on a long hold and made me more bitter as a person, it, like matt has made me more lenient on others.
       
    20. Sam Bridge

      Sam Bridge Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music/gigs probably
      What is a normal day like for you vaba?
       
    21. Vaba
      Shitfaced

      Vaba Member

      Location:
      New New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Unknown
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Gradual, Progressive
      Well, I had to quit college (which was the only path I could ever allow myself to take, I've always loved learning) 2 years ago because I could no longer focus on anything or relax at all, as the tinnitus and visual degeneration had progressed past my threshold of tolerance. I can't hold a full time job due to total lack of motivation and the general pointlessness of it, so at home with my parents I work 3 days a week at a gas station, which upsets me greatly, because I was once capable of so much more.

      On a "normal" day, I wake up around noon so I don't have to be conscious for too many hours, skip breakfast, drink some coffee, and try to distract myself by playing video games. I eat maybe once, twice a day, and I drink heavily and often. I never go outside on account of the eye floaters making it total hell, so I am basically restricted to sitting in a dark room from morning til night. I've actually spent the vast majority of my time inside, isolated, since I turned 15 and got my giant floater, now that I think about it. Even at college, I avoided any outdoor activity.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    22. Sen
      Caffeine

      Sen Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October, 2012.
      That's pretty similar to my day, except I don't work at a gas station because of severe hyperacusis.

      I also don't really drink or play video games, at least not anymore.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    23. Sam Bridge

      Sam Bridge Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music/gigs probably
      Whats your day like?
       
    24. walkthroughwalls

      walkthroughwalls Member

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      possibly noise
      Yes, but it does makes you really value the friendly people too, in my opinion.

      The scientist in me would like to know why people can be so insensitive sometimes. @Sen 's explanation, "if I cannot see it, I cannot relate; tinnitus and depression are too abstract to understand", is quite good I think. But do you really need to know exactly what the suffering of someone else feels like before you can show empathy? If someone just tells you that they're feeling miserable, shouldn't that be enough?

      Yet, I -and probably many of you- have gotten these comments:
      "Depression? Why don't you snap out of it? Just smile! You are not going to do anything stupid, are you?"
      "Tinnitus? Oh, a lot of people have that and just move on with their lives... Why can't you? Just ignore it."
      "Ah, you're having a panic attack in the middle of a shopping mall? Let me and a couple of friends film you with our cell phones..."

      And once in a while, you're just having a below average day, someone senses it and talks with you for a while in a non-judging and genuinely caring way :)

      Does anyone have any ideas on why people can be so different when it comes to this?
       
    25. Madi H

      Madi H Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Feb 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure, probably headphones
      @Phillip Walker
      I've never understood that. I feel attacked sometimes for sharing my faith. What does it matter if I believe in something? Something I truly believe can help people. I understand a lot of Christians come under fire for being strong with their beliefs and spreading hate, but understand that they are not true Christians. The people on TV condemning people to hell are not Christians and the people that 'hate' gays are NOT true Christians. We are supposed to love everyone.

      Prayer is not for the damned it is for the hopeful. There is nothing wrong with not having a religion but don't go bashing mine because you don't agree. I'll pray for you even if you think it's desperate and (excuse my language) a lot of people on this site are fucking desperate as hell.
       
    26. Sen
      Caffeine

      Sen Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October, 2012.
      I wake up a 3am and lay in bed for a few extra hours with my eyes closed because I hate being awake and it's easier to lay in bed than to suffer through my day.

      Eventually I get so restless and bored that I force myself up, have some tea, do some stretches, maybe go for a little walk around my neighborhood in the very early morning when it's still quiet. After that I sit at my PC, read, watch twitch streams, or television all day. I've recently started making bad drawings in a sketchbook, so I guess that counts as a hobby.

      Throughout the day I feel depressed and anxious about whatever new symptom I'm experiencing as I wait weeks/months to see a specialist about it; lately it has been primarily my eyesight that has been bothering me, with cloudy and hazy vision that changes day to day or sometimes multiple times a day, in addition to ghosting, patches of blurriness in my peripheral vision, and other difficult to articulate bullshit. I saw an optometrist on the 4th of August, which turned out fine, and have yet to be contacted by the opthalmologist my family doctor claimed to have sent a letter to for a referral about a 2nd opinion.

      I eat one or two healthy meals in a day, rarely any junk food. I take my meds on time throughout the day, smoke a few hits of reefer in the evening, then go back to sleep at around 9-10pm. I repeat this process endlessly, living one day at a time, struggling to endure the suffering and regularly experiencing existential dread/self-loathing.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    27. SeekIngAlpha

      SeekIngAlpha Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2003

      So spot on.
       
    28. JasonP

      JasonP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2006
      Has tinnitus affected your faith in God or strengthened it?
       
    29. Christian78
      Alone

      Christian78 Member

      Location:
      Gothenburg
      Tinnitus Since:
      (Sep 2013)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      progressive tinnitus, time of expiring in next 3-6 months
      Please try and make them watch this:

      "I have tinnitus and I want to die"


      And then say that is my life
       
      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    30. Christian78
      Alone

      Christian78 Member

      Location:
      Gothenburg
      Tinnitus Since:
      (Sep 2013)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      progressive tinnitus, time of expiring in next 3-6 months
      I lost faith in God
       

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