Starting to Accept After 9 Months

I’ve always been a big music lover, meaning I’ve seen hundreds of gigs during the years and being a HIFI enthusiastic and I have record collection of thousands of titles. This all has become my past life, which I can’t enjoy anymore because of severe tinnitus.

I got some moderate acoustic trauma from my live music history, of course on the times when you forgot earplugs.. anyway I could say I used in 90% of those gigs earplugs. But the case which caused my tinnitus as permanent was after seeing a fireworks show, ahhhh – yes without earplugs.

This was December of 2017. Since that the past 9 months been a real rollercoaster ride and now I’m starting to accept tinnitus to be accompanied with me for the rest of my life. I got from moderate to bad hyperacusis as well.

First weeks were most horrible. After not sleeping for a week I went to see ENT. Result was the usual: ordered cortisone pills and hearing test. Cortisone pills was for vain and hearing test result indicated moderate hearing loss on high area on right ear, which got louder tinnitus. Few sleepless nights more and I went back and asked for something for sleep and I also told my anguish and agony of current situation at the moment. That’s started four months trip experimenting with different sleep and depression medication only to find out they deepened and worsened the severity of my tinnitus.

I even took 5 times overpressure oxygen chamber treatment, no help. Only med which gave a 4 hour sleep for night was Stilnoct. I even got hooked to that. After 12 weeks I decided to quit all other medicals as well (mirtazapine etc) This all caused bad rebound insomnia. I went near psychosis. I managed to get rid off all and even started to sleep little better meaning I could fall a sleep again after the first sleep period.

What makes my case of tinnitus so bad is that it keeps worsening. It's now about five times as bad when started. Within last 6 months my tinnitus has spiked at least 4 times. When spike occurs it worsens my baseline as well, meaning once it gotten up it ain't going to drop. This far I’ve tried to live as normal life as I could, but it's coming more difficult. Things that had worsened my tinnitus are medications and exposures to a sudden loud noises on a daily life. I’ve used alcohol few times a month (never mixing with drugs) when socializing with friends, finally admitting and finding alcohol also to be another spiker, I have to quit to get drunk anymore. I’m starting to understand people with severe tinnitus whose isolated themselves totally. After the last spike my sleeping got worse again.

Now I sleep only 3-4 hours which even aint’t deep sleep or contiguous. Can’t fall a sleep again, after sudden woke up. Feeling so helpless.

Anxiety rose again. I became owned by tinnitus.

 

Yeah man, enjoying music and audio in general with tinitus is like having water chestnuts in your Chinese food. It totally detracts from the overall enjoyment of the experience except you cant pick tinnitus out of your mind like you can water chestnuts. I understand you completely. I'm a musician and I have years of amateur/hobby recording experience. I can program synths and everything. This has totally broken my internal eq. Sucks. You're not alone man.

 

@Kaarlo I don't know what to say, but want to reach out a hand to another T sufferer. Too often we can get so wrapped up in survival that we can't see much beyond our circumstances. I'm glad you posted.

The loss of your wonderful music appreciation life is sorrowful, but you will find a way to cope. In fact with this T, perhaps you just haven't found the right combination of drugs/supplements. I can't say what is right for you...liquor helps my T and yet doesn't for you. But I sure hope you can try a few more things, and find something that helps.

 

@Kaarlo ,
Mertazepine at a low dose will help sleep way bellow the therapeutic dose for depression so it might be best long term for getting you a better night sleep.
I take 25mg of Nortriptyline and sleep ok most nights.
Sleep loss alone can alter your mood .
love glynis x