Terrified Sound Engineer

Hello, fellow sufferers.

I just had to get something out about this affliction as it is really starting to scare me.

I have been a musician and a sound engineer for most of my life, but I value my ears so much--in fact my whole creative and monetary world depends on them, so I have always protected them with plugs once my mix is set, or shield with headphones, etc. I still had some very faint ring, but two years ago my world changed forever.

I was working with another engineer I hired one evening because I was too tired to do a gig alone after a long Sunday church service, and he made a mistake that must have blasted 6k at far over 100 db directly into my left ear. It has not stopped ringing since.

At first it was maddening, and then gradually seemed to fade, but in the past couple of weeks, it has come back with a vengeance. I know he didn't mean to make that mistake, but it is very hard not to feel anger towards him. He has been doing it for years and it really was an absurd mistake to make with my ear directly in front of a speaker. I am covering my ears with plugs and headphones without input as much as possible, but how long can I really keep this up? I spent 10 years getting to the point where I could earn an honest living just mixing church services and bands. I know have some slight loss around 2 and 6k, but I have been doing this so long I can compensate. I have had no complaints from any of my clients.

I hope that these flare ups are always temporary--it seems to get really bad when the seasons change, as well as when I have a big wax build up. I am not sure what to say except that I am afraid of losing the business that I worked so hard to build. I know a doctor would tell me immediately to quit doing what I am doing for a living, but I have no other real job skills, certainly not ones that pay 40-75/hr. I am hoping to start composing again and selling little pieces to production companies. I was able to sell a little bit of music to the podcast WTF last year, which absolutely was one of the coolest things of all time.

I have a ton of music I composed, but could never get anyone to buy my songs, so it is all up at www.reverbnation.com/scienceforchildren

I hope maybe it might provide some enjoyment to fellow T bearers. I have sort of had writer's block for years, but with the T as loud as it is now, I have to constantly play real or imagined music in my head to get through the day. So, I guess my bright side is, I might be forced to make a bunch of new music that perhaps people will buy!

I have the utmost compassion and empathy for all of you courageous people, and I am so glad I found this page.

I hope your day had some wonderful moments that felt something like silence!

Sincerely,

Aaron

 

I feel for you. My tinnitus was set off in similar circumstances. A co-worker with a lot of experience set off a loud noise right next to my head. Only on top of that I was way underemployed for my skill level, took a job that was a big pay cut because I needed one and then I end up getting permanently injured at said job. Now that I'm dealing with this I don't feel up to interview at the skill level I was once at. It's hard sleeping at night and concentrating during the day.

It's hard not being angry.