Thought I Had Beaten Tinnitus — Now It's Back with a Vengeance — I Won't Give Up!

Hi Tinnitus Talk,

Firstly I just want to express my thanks to this community. It has been a great and positive resource for me in my journey with tinnitus. I have been a lurker for most of my time here, but if you search my post history you will see that I have posted once or twice in 2017 when i was experiencing a bad spike.

I have had some recent acoustic traumas that has increased my tinnitus significantly.

A quick summary of my tinnitus history:

February 2012 - Developed tinnitus after a loud metal gig. The T was very mild in both ears. It caused my some distress initially but after a very short time (maybe 2 months if memory serves) I had completely habituated and only ever heard it in complete silence. I started taking more precautions when going to gigs, always carrying a pair of ear plugs with me, but not always diligent in using it.

March 2014 - Developed moderate tinnitus after a night out at a club, on my birthday. This is where my real problem with tinnitus began. You can see my introduction post for how I was feeling at the time. In short, not good. But over the course of just under a year, I habituated to it and for the most part of the last 5 years I have been living a happy and fulfilling life with tinnitus (with several periods of severe spikes that were distressing but always went away). I have been very diligent about using ear plugs at loud venues, on public transport or just whenever there are or I think there might be loud sounds present. Tinnitus simply didn't bother me, it was just a neutral sensation that had absolutely no negative affect on my life and happiness. I must clarify that the tinnitus wasn't mild at this stage, it was definitely noticeable, but I perceived it as a neutral thing. My life was a tinnitus success story

But not anymore.

Dec 2019 - I was exposed to several loud occurrences within the space of about 2 weeks. These were mostly accidental with one or two careless incidents. I consider it very bad luck that all these events happened so close to each other. My tinnitus has now significantly increased in both ears, but more severe in my right ear. There was also initially a feeling of fullness in my right ear that seems to have somewhat dissipated but not entirely gone. I can hear my tinnitus over everything now, fans, people talking, traffic etc. Its always there. It is worse than it has ever been. My ears also feel a bit sensitive to sound now (I'm not sure how to describe it), but this has also eased up somewhat from the initial onset. I believe I also have some hearing loss but its hard to tell. I should get tested. My last test earlier this year showed I had normal hearing (even though I believe otherwise). I am also seeing an ENT next month, but not expecting anything.

I have my earplugs on most of the time now. For some reason, when its just me, my earplugs and the tinnitus, it doesn't bother me so much. But as soon as I take them off and try to listen to things normally, thats where the negative feelings start to kick in.

So far, this last month has been mostly bad days, but with a few good ones. I find that I can distract myself for short periods of time through work, leisure or exercise, but not for very long. Today I have had a very tumultuous day. Some great moments where I didn't notice it, some dire moments where I felt life curling up in bed and never leaving. Its progress I suppose, compared to a few weeks ago when I couldn't get my mind off of it.

So here I am, back on this forum, looking for reassurance, looking for support, and hoping to share my current experience.

I believe I can beat this. I believe in habituation, because I know it has worked for me in the past. I know I have beaten it before and I know I can do it again. It may be slightly different this time, and I may never be at the same level of peace as I was at pre-Dec 2019. I'll deal with it, I'll get used to it, and one day I will reach a stage where tinnitus won't bother me anymore.

I'm also a big believer in the power of mindfulness meditation. It is something I have been practicing for a few months now (initially not at all to deal with tinnitus, but some other problems elsewhere in my life). I am finding it a little bit harder to stay focused during meditation, but there have been some good moments. I'm sure I will get better.

One thing I have learned is that living in the present moment is by far the most important thing one can do to live a fulfilling life, and that is what I aspire to be able to do. To do the things I love because I love doing them, without paying any heed to the tinnitus. I have had some moments in the last few weeks where I have been able to do this, and I am very proud of those moments. They are few and far in between, but I will get better.

I have the rest of my life to live. When I'm on my deathbed I want to be able to look back on a well lived life and the confident knowledge that despite the odds, I did my absolute best in difficult circumstances.

I will not give in. I've beaten this bastard before and I will do it again. I will turn this defeat into a victory, by taking the opportunity to be ever more mindful about my thoughts and my life, and make the most out of every moment.

I will practice utmost diligence in protecting my ears and ensuring I do no further damage to myself. I have made some mistakes but I will not beat myself up for them. I have learned from my mistakes and will not repeat them.

I want to share my experience with you all, to seek support and offer support to others where I can. I don't want to be a lurker anymore, I feel the need to give something back to this community that has done so much for me, whether it knows it or not. Hopefully in some small way, this post and the ones that follow are able to help someone else find hope.

I dream of the day when my mind is no longer a slave to tinnitus. I believe it will happen. I've done it before and I will do it again.

Good luck to everyone on this forum. You are all incredibly strong for facing tinnitus.

 

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I got a bit complacent with my Tinnitus. I continued to DJ (twice a year) and went to gigs say every three months. I avoided nightclubs and wore earplugs during the gigs (and monitored the sound) but it got gradually worse over two years. I know now it was accumulative damage as ears are are just more vulnerable. The sound threshold is also lower so if I my ears can handle 90 decibels previously now can only cope with 70 decibels.

My Tinnitus is loud but the worse part is the Hyperacusis and how sensitive my ears are. Everything seems louder than it really is. Yesterday I had a setback as in changing rooms - the sound system was so loud only for 30 seconds but my ears are so sensitive today. I am now thinking that I will never be able to go to a music festival ever again which saddens me immensely.

Good you are positive and that will help you but your last setback maybe one that sure you will overcome but its going to be a hell of a battle compared to your previous two spikes. I still would stay away from loud sounds for sometime even with earplugs. Wish you well.

 

Hi @Sash

Yup our ears are compromised and accumulated damage really adds up for us. At the time we think "oh this isnt too bad" but the consequences strike later.

Give your ears a rest for a while and maybe avoid thinking of music festivals for now. I know it must be hard, I have been facing the same kind of thoughts too, I really want to go to Download festival this year! But I'm trying to avoid thinking about that and just focusing on the present. I have read on here that prednisone may help with recent traumas (up to 48 hours I think). Maybe you should go see your doctor and ask for it, you might be able to minimize the damage from last night!

Completely agree. I will overcome this but it wont be as easy as before, and as an avid music lover I will have to change a lot about the way I listen to music: no more loud speakers, no more headphones, avoid going to gigs etc. I am a bit worried that I am about to jump on a 21 hour flight in a few hours!

 

Yes you are right I will pass on the February one which was actually the only I was planning to do all year and looking forward to this so much. Oh well

Hope all goes well with your flight. Are you flying to UK. Out of interest do let me know how the 21 hour flight went and the impact on your ears. I am about to book a 14 hour flight and the way my ears are at the moment (ie sensitive) they will struggle with even a one hour flight.

 

You came back at a somewhat exciting time, albeit a bit early. If all our ears could’ve held out for the next 2 years, we would have reasonable therapies in place that should ensure some modicum of success with hearing restoration/tinnitus signal diminishment. Within 12-24 months, Susan Shore’s tinnitus device and FX322 should help a substantial amount of us (probably 18 months for Susan Shore, 24 months for FX-322).

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Truly hellish, this thing.

 

Sorry for the late reply. Yes I flew to the UK. The flight wasn't too bad at all. According to the soundmeter app on my phone, the sound level was averaging at 65 db. In any case I was wearing my earplugs for the entire flight except when eating, and even then wasn't too loud. I was flying an Airbus A380. My T seeemed a bit louder on the second half of the flight and after landing but may have also been due to lack of sleep. After a full night of sleep, it receded to my new baseline.

Over the last few days I've been quite busy with work and sightseeing and my T hasn't been too much of a bother. It's there and it's intrusive and I definitely notice it but I'm making a very conscious effort to focus on the task at hand and not dwell on the T.


Although today a fire alarm went off at my hotel and then again in my office, which seems to have caused a spike in my left ear. Super annoying. Why am I cursed with such bad luck.

 

Hi there. Yes it's very encouraging to see how far research has progressed. When I first came across this site in 2012 things seemed really far off then. We live in exciting times!

 

Hope you are having a good time in a very Windy UK. Surprised decibel count was only 65 (unless you were in business class) as I travelled to India recently and it was hovering 85-90. I am going to take premium economy from now on.

Everyone seems to get my noise shocks so difficult to avoid . I personally think alarms, firecrackers and gunshots are the worse ever sounds for our delicate and fragile ears. My ears got damaged further by a house alarm and that added to hyperacusis too. When there is an any alarm just run !

Good you are keeping busy thats the only way to distract Tinnitus.

Enjoy UK

 

Psy?

 

No State of Trance Utrecht