Trying to Find a Reason to Continue

I am really struggling trying to find motivation to do anything at all. I got tinnitus pretty bad that doesnt get masked anymore, hyperacusis and headaches cause of all this crap. I mean... Obviously there is no cure, treatment or any plausible relief for this... So why keep going?

I don't know what else to do, I just want this to go away, I lost all my motivation to do things because they just don't matter anymore, I don't want any other thing ever, this is all that goes in my mind, I forgot what it's like not to feel sad or in desperation nor what it's like to not have all your wishes and aspirations to be bottled down to one single impossible thing.

This is the part where Suicide seems the only possible relief and yet it's so hard of a feat not just for me but for everyone around me. I just don't know what to do anymore...

 

Hi Emanel,

I hope you are well. I completely understand your feelings towards tinnitus. I too have it in both my ears, morseo in my right ear. It has played on my mind a lot and I find the most useful solution for me is to listen to white noise during the night which reduces it and also trying not to think on it or notice it.

I am saddened to hear that you feel suicide is your only solution. But know that you are STRONG and you can fight this battle with your ears. There are various things that are available to reduce the tinnitus

Have you spoken to a doctor regarding this?

 

Sorry to hear that this is a problem for you too. I can't believe how many lives this problem ruins and still there is no good solution for it... not even some pills to even take the effect for a few hours... By now I would even settle for that

I did go to a doctor, he them sent me to an audiologist who just tested my hearing, said it was under normal levels and simply said it was related with stress, so I should "relax" about this.

Which was exactly what i did one year ago, I tried to relax and not worry about this, and it only gotten worse... much worse, maybe because I relaxed about this too much... there were a few incidents where I was exposed to loud noises and now it kills me everyday knowing that maybe if I had been more careful with this since day one, I would have never reached this point, by now my T doesn't get masked, the H is unbearable most times and the T is now reactive which just makes it even worse.... Honestly habituation was possible a year ago, but now I don't think it is, i genuinely feel that I don't want to live with this for the rest of my life, so yeah there seems to be no solutions
I wake up everyday already feeling hopelessness and even sad for having waken up, no day brightens me anymore....

 

I'll quote @GregCA's text:

What have you tried to treat your tinnitus till now?

Was it THAT loud? Concerts?
I feel for you. Whenever you wanna talk, just hit me.

 

I am really sorry for your condition. But just have patience, yes there is not cure as everyone knows but you will see from most people on this forum that it will get better over time. Your tinnitus will decrease some, your perception of the sound will change and in a year or two you can have a nearly normal life. I am a strong person, at least I assume that and it took me over six month to accept it when I got the the first time and now after a new offset I still have trouble after three month but life is great.

I can help you with masking sounds. Usually there is a tone that you can find that does something like an inhibition, that means it will stop the tinnitus for 30-180 seconds and you have to replay it all the time, helped me at my really bad days, now I found a masker (cidadas) that works all the time.

Stay away from loud sounds as much as possible but do not overprotect, have my a bad hyperacusis ...

Here on the forum you will find friends who will help you over the bad times but 99% it WILL GET BETTER.

Please stay strong and I wish you all the best
Wojtek

 

I know what it feels like (be sure you're not the only with this kind of regret thoughts....) just try to learn with your previous experiences and protect yourself the most you can (avoid loud places, etc...) and the issues will tend to settle down (even if will take more time than you expected...)

H can be treated (or at least relieved) with persistence....
I had a very bad H and still have reactive T, so here is my advice to you:
(do not need to spend money on this experience)

- Try at first place "white noise"; "pink noise" or similar that sounds nice to your years in your usual environment (at home) and tune it at same perception sound level of your T (on the first 2 or 3 days);

- Then (next days) tune it just a little less the sound level of your T;

- Better if your sound system can surrond all the space where you staying (without using headphones) as you have reactive T;

- Do some hobby (something you use to enjoy before) during this "experimental" therapy and be persistence for 21 days....lets call this a "trial"

- Maybe sooner than 21 days you will see that your focus on this issues will go to a "2º layer" in your mind and your ears will be more able to stand the H condition.

If you see some results after this "trial" you should continue because the more you use this therapy, better for your H condition.....

SO, There is a reason to keep going (at least just try it....for free)!

Also, it seems you dont have hearing loss "under normal levels" / believe me....that is STILL a good thing!!!!

At last:
Be hopeful this condition will have a solution in a not long future (just take a look at research threads here on TT) and im sure you want to be here to see it!

Just keep strong!

 

There's ALWAYS a reason to continue. If I can get through a day like yesterday then anybody can do it. I promise you, my T was off the scale, my ear was full feeling and I was falling down. It was horrendous, but today's another day. Still not good but better.

 

Not much to be honest, tried to stay away from loud noises and it never gets better, just seems to get worse at any loud exposure i get, or with time, I really can't tell cause there is no scale to measure it, I just know its a lot worse than a year ago. Also been trying magnesium for 7 days, still no improvement whatsoever.
I will check the research and treatmets tab and see if I can try something else... Even experimental drugs I would be willing to take just for a chance for this to get lower, its impressive how low your bar gets in order for you to get some peace again.

Well in retrospective since a year ago, a few incidents have happened, once there was a loud concert in the street and I was with my parents, after maybe 10 minutes I told them I was going to go home because I couldn't stand the loudness anymore. And then another time when I went out to a bar with some friends the music was very loud and im sure that didn't help, new years eve same thing there was loud music at the bar, only after that i got some earplugs, and I thought it would prevent further damage, I had already bought some tickets for me and my sister to a festival and I didn't want to let her down, but saddly I think even with earplugs the bass was so frekin loud that maybe had some effect on me again.

Thank you so much for your support.

 

Thank you for this, I have seen similar tips, but i never tried it being afraid that it would worsen my T because it is white or pink noise it seems very unnatural for your ears, at least from my perspective. Maybe I should give it a try.
Something I didn't mention was, i had H and it was kinda going away slowly by not being afraid to expose myself to loud sounds but everytime my T gets worse It seems that the H comes, I don't know if this is related to the T or the fact that I tend to isolate myself from sounds every time this gets worse. There is just so much unanswered and so much confusion in my mind. So frustrating and hard.

I keep trying to, but when you look back at how long this has been a problem to millions of people , and how much doubt there still is on the matter, it is hard to believe there will ever be some relief for this even, because a certain cure seems impossible to me honestly.

Thank you for your time and concern, I cannot express this enough

 

Its still hard to keep going and I don't know if I can keep going knowing that this will never go away, as you said, it is still a trouble for you. And some people cope better than others, maybe I'm not strong enough

 

Another thing is the fact that it is hard to know which sounds are going to be bad for you and which aren't.... So frustrating you can't know the balance between normal and damaging anymore. You start fearing every sound will make your T worse and I don't know how to deal with it... I have a young sister and she cries and screams sometimes and this infuriates me because my H makes this very hurtful and I am constantly worried this is going to worsen my T

 

You are strong enough and you will be .. life is never easy but it is amazing

This is my picture blog ... https://500px.com/wojtekkalka this life you can have with a bad tinnitus,.

First of all IMHO ALL lound sounds are bad for you .. I mean all ... over 85db do not do it ever, if you can.

Try a sinus sweep from 100o to 6000hz with a medium loudness level of it cancels your tinnitus for some seconds ..

Use cheap foam ear plugs when your sister cries, but don't be afraid, be prepared.

Trust me find a way it is worth it and a lot of people will help you.

SIncerely
Wojtek

 

Emanuel this is a really shitty situation. At this point we have to try treatments/strategies that may help us. You mentioned something about trying drugs. Well do a bit of a research and be extra cautious with drugs, as you may end up aggravating further your condition. Discuss this with your doctor.

 

Thank you for your input once more. Hope you have a good life

 

Btw your pictures are incredible! You have a great talent

 

What seems impossible today does not mean that tomorrow will remain so!

In fact, the tendency is to be the opposite....
And if there is no solution yet, it is mainly because it was (only) been given serious importance to a such problem only a decade ago (very little time for a complex issue), but in the last 2 years the advances have been immense.

We are in a right path, i believe!

However, what is a true fact is that in a couple of hours you have already received many reasons to continue.....

Dont you agree?!

We are all here for support and information!
Just keep fighting with us!

Cheers!

 

Thanks man, I am trying to stay positive ( sometimes) I am not a very optimistic person and honestly there are moments, lately most days to be honest, that I don't know why continue if this is going to be my life from now on, it honestly is the lowest my life has ever been and i don't know how to recover from a problem that seems to have little solution so far, and doing some research about tinnitus just makes me believe that sometimes it won't happen, even though a cure or even some pills to suppress the tinnitus is all I want at the moment

 

You are young chances are there will be more and more discoveries in the coming years...the last 10 years have already shown lots of progress in understanding tinnitus due to increased research, so time is on your side.

Keep on working towards your personal goals, work towards finding a job you enjoy and know that what you are going through has taught you more about perseverance than many people can fathom and one day there'll be something to help you out there if you haven't habituated by then.

Try to have some fun, reach out and interact with others as much as possible. I had a great evening in Saturday where it was so far at the back of my mind that I didnt hear it until bed time...

During that process at some point things will start to improve. Keep an open mind you might feel differently about it in a year or two.

We're all here for you...x

 

Thank you for that... I really needed to get some perspective. It is just super hard to focus on other goals when they seem pointless and not even something you want anymore, its incredible how something can take hold of you and suddenly switch all your aspirations. Hope I can get through this, just like I hope everyone with the same problems do too.

Hugs

 

You should have a look under the "Research" section. It may change your view
Requires patience, though!

 

Hey Emanuel,

If that girl in your photo is your g/f or wife, you have everything to live for! <grin>

Do not allow tinnitus to dictate your life; live it, enjoy it. Stop focusing on the ringing and it will leave you alone.

 

Nah that is my sister xD ´

And about not letting me dictate my life, I have been tried not to, but it seems thats all that it has been doing for the last months... I don't even play or listen to music, it feels weird and I always have the fear its going to make this worse, I have trouble sleeping, and trouble coping with loud sounds, sometimes even conversations, its actually painful.
I guess I just gotta keep trying

 

I can't say how true this is, it seems that you are what life makes of you, i just keep wishing that everything could go back to normal because I wouldn't worry about superficial stuff anymore...I think I would be different

 

Give it another year. And take it one day at a time. I'm suicidal right now due to a horrible setback, but I'd like to stick around and fight this. So I understand the feeling of wanting to die, although I want that to be my very last option.

What have you tried to make it better?

 

Hey man I am sorry to read you like this...

Try to relax with reading, relaxing music or even meds if you need them...

And if you can check the most ways to find out if you can change something in your like to help cope with your T !

I am going to see a specialist for my Jaw per example because this is something I want to check ! My Jaw is always tight !

Take care man !

All the Best !

 

Awkward!

 

Not much... I've tried to be a lot more careful with my exposure to sounds... I even completely stopped using headphones even though I love music.... Despite that, looking a year from now, I am a lot worse now, my T has multiple tones, is reactive and I can't mask it as I could before, and now I also have H... Been taking Magnesium but nothing as well... This completely sucks

 

Thanks man

 

Keep going my friend !

Do you still see your friends and family ?

Do you do any activities ?

Peace !

 

@Wojtek Kalka Wow - what an inspiration your picture blog is! Love it!!