Well, I'm Committed.

Today was an awful tinnitus day. I though about it, and how there's a good chance I won't have it as loud for much longer because of research, but there's also a good chance that nothing happens.

After today I realized that there's is no chance I will live past 2020 if my tinnitus doesn't get better. Today I finally made my strongest kind of promise about you tinnitus. A promise so strong that I've never broken it and oven made it only three times my entire life. I've promised that no matter what, if my tinnitus remains unimproved by January 1st, 2021, then it's going to be my last day. I've be genuinely tried to make it better, and I'm doing everything in my power to make my tinnitus better, but I'm scared that I may only have 2 years left. When you realize how short life can be, it really sucks. I sincerely hope everything's goes well

 

I'm going out in Jan 1st 2023 if my hearing distortion is not cured or if a cure is not on the way.

 

I didn't think about that but yeah, if I see a headline that says "cure for tinnitus to Ben released on January 2nd, 2021" or something, then obviously I'm gonna wait, but I feel nothing's confirmed then that's just too bad.

 

I don't know what I'll do the next three years without you????

 

how's your T? for you to want to end it all?

 

Good question. Technically it's pretty quiet but extremely hard to mask. 18dB matching.

 

Breaking Headline News - January 2nd, 2021

Researchers Have Found The Cure To A Condition Called Tinnitus.

 

Titanic - My Heart Will Go On ( cover by Big...

 

Is it about talking volume?

 

mm I have some bad T and painful H what a nice word we live in...but I cant go outside

 

Instead of repeating to yourself "Well, I'm screwed" and set a date to leave the planet, you can go the other way around and be "Well, I'm screwed, let's see how I can make it better."

One step at a time. If you'll already feeling bad, it can only get better.

It worked for me.

 

Rest In Peace, sweet prince

 

If you kill yourself you are going to let him win!

You really are gonna give up on the fight that easy???

 

Clint Eastwood ~ ''Dying Aint'...

 

Yo
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin'
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now
The clocks run out, times up, over, blaow!
Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy? No
He won't have it, he knows his whole back city's ropes
It don't matter,
He's dope, he knows that, but he's broke
He's so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better
The souls escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but super stardom's close to post-mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over, these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's known as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose 'cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmo who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partna, but the beat goes on
Da da dumb da dumb da da
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better
No more games, I'm a change what you call rage
Tear this motherfuckin' roof off like two dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin', the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin' and stepwritin' the next cipher
Best believe somebody's payin' the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
'Cause man, these God damn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up between bein' a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin' on and Too much for me to want to Stay in one spot,
another day of monotony Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failures not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not 'cause maybe the only opportunity that I got
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better
You can do anything you set your mind to, man

 

They don't make rap like they used too.

If I had good music software I would make this a song.

 

#ttalk @threefirefour

 

I’ll never really understand how much you’re suffering but your post does seem a little excessive. Your T loudness measured less than mine and I can deal with mine pretty well. Of course, mine is a static noise so I don’t know how that measures up. My main issue is that I seem to be slowly losing hearing. It is worse than it was 3 months ago during onset and my T is getting louder at the same time. If I am to be punished in such a cruel way and forced to live with severe hearing loss along with a screaming/ piercing T, then I can go ahead and make the same argument. Nobody here or anywhere else could possibly live in such a way.

 

I'm not on my computer with my DC sorry

 

No I don't think so. Mine is a hissing btw. I can hear it absolutely everywhere. If it doesn't get quieter than I'm just going to stop living no matter what. I made a promise so I can't take it back anyways.

 

Pretty much

 

I set a date, too. Last spring, I decided I needed to set a date in 2018. I am a planner: I put it on my calendar and wrote a goodbye letter. Then I committed myself to getting everything in order and living my life. Why sit around feeling sad if my days were numbered?

I had both good days and bad days that did not revolve around the volume of my tinnitus. Moments that were significant and insignificant. I took vacations, volunteered, cared for my family, and laughed with friends. I lost a dear loved one to cancer.

Somehow life moved on. And that date? It came and went, like any other day. I no longer saw the point in ending my life when I was relearning how to live my life.

I won’t fault you for setting a date. I’d just encourage you to set the date, then live what life you have.

 

You have other avenues to explore if your issue is TMJ/ neck related. Have you seen a chiro or a specialist that deals with TMJ? I had a friend deal with T for a few years and eventually it got resolved when he was treated for neck problems. Don’t give in without a serious fight. Keep working towards a solution. I’m sure you’ll find something even if the treatment results in minor relief. It might just be enough to give you peace of mind.

 

Yeah I am getting a brace soon. I need to visit a chiro. I'm even doing ACRN. Since it's a matter of life and death, I'm doing everything in my power for that reduction.

 

Cute post. You don't understand. I always keep my highest grade of promises. No matter what they are, no matter the consequences. If tommorow I wake up and 100% regret the decision of making that promise, I am still going to do it. That's why I only make them if I'm absolutely sure, and it took me two years to make it. Imo, this is a huge milestone for me. I finally took solid action on my tinnitus. It reduces or my lifespan does, simple as that. Black or white, no grey.

 

No I can just Hear it absolutely everywhere and I feel like it's too loud.

 

But earlier in the thread you said you would wait if a cure was announced for arriving January 2, 2021. That would not be keeping your promise either. If it’s black or white, waiting even a day for a cure is gray. What if it’s a week later? A month? A year more for a guaranteed cure?

 

Yeah that's true. But it's close enough that it pretty much counts.

Now my promises obviously matter a lot to me. I wrote it down so I can't changed it to get out of it. The only two ways out of it are if I ordered a cure, and it arrives in 2021, or if it's announced by a company that it WILL come out sometime that year. Maybe even into next year.

Also, I still have to off myself in the treatment doesn't work on me.