What Keeps You Going?

Hi all,

I have had tinnitus since 1985 when I suddenly lost the hearing in my left ear. At the time, I was diagnosed to most likely have Meniere's but just recently I was told that most likely I have Labyrinthitis. In any event, the ringing is still there 24/7 for 25 years. As you can imagine, I have gone through all the stages of coping: denial, grief, anger and now finally acceptance. It has been a very long road. I was a serious athlete and had to stop everything because I felt so sick all the time. And basically I had to start my life all over again. So, first I had to find a way to support myself. Then, I had to try to get some sort of activity in my life. And then try to have some sort of joy and happiness and contentment along the way. Luckily, I have always been artistic so that has really helped me along the way. I have tried: acupuncture, not eating salt, walking, yoga, biking, swimming, and reducing stress. My entire life had to change. The only thing that has truly brought relief to my tinnitus is anti-depressants and I wish I had known this a long time ago. I would have suffered a lot less. I also had instant depression that came with my hearing loss. And I had no manual to tell me how to deal with things and MEEI just said "good luck!" I don't socialize much anymore, I only have a few friends. I do quiet sports like yoga, walking, biking, swimming. I do a lot of things alone. It is too hard to manage with others sometimes. I have learned to enjoy/accept my solitude. Luckily, being an artist helps. And I have adjusted. I have two cats who keep me company and give me something to come home to. At night, I turn on my iPad to running water and birds. This calms me right down and I go right to sleep. I have just decided to start tennis again so we will see how that goes. I am 52 now and I am coping. I have also been in therapy for many, many years and I have a wonderful therapist. I learn and accept every day and try to find the joy in life. What keeps you going? Namaste

 

The fact that success stories like yours are about.. it makes me feel hopeful.
Also the fact that a cure seems *seems* to be right around the corner. I am a very cynical person but I feel like maybe there is light on the horizon.

 

That's great to hear that you're doing well. Has your T got worse over the years or stayed mostly the same?

I just know that giving up is not an option, I will cause more pain to the people I love if I were to just give up.

 

My ringing has been exactly the same from day one. It feels different when I get tired. I haven't given up, just accepted it. That's all.

 

What keeps me going? Three things:

1. I have an amazing old dog who is very dear to my heart, but she needs a lot of care. Without me, she likely would not survive. She gives me something to live for.
2. The tinnitus is better now than it was in the first few months. There are times when it's a 3 or 4 out of 10, which makes it easier to deal with those days when it's an 8 or 9 out of 10.
3. Not to be dramatic, but I have a gun. There's always the option of getting rid of the noise once and for all. I would like to find a provider willing to prescribe retigabine first, though, just in case I'm one of the lucky ones that would respond well to it.

 

My kids.

 

100,000,000 years of human evolution screaming in my veins and soul that survival is the most important thing.

Also, of course, my wonderful wife, warm fuzzy cats, motorcycle, and the general optimism that the future is not yet written...

 

The simple fact that taking your own life seems pathetic in my eyes. What a way to go huh? Tinnitus should be looked at as a blessing in a way because it puts you in the potion of life or death. You start to realize all of the things you should of done or wanted your life to be but never really got to it. Now is your chance to change things a become a better person. Yea our ears ring loud, but our heart beats even louder. We are powerful beings, don't let some noise in our ears bring us down. Love you all! We Will Cure T

 

Labyrinthitus? Really? But that should clear up? Or did you mean you had Labyrinthitus and it left permanent damage? Anyway you sound like you are doing very well. Have you thought about getting to know some Deaf people? How bad is your hearing loss? You might relate to some of the deaf or at least they might understand your difficulties. I am an interpreter for the deaf in New Zealand sign language. Although I would not wish to lose my hearing I thought at least if I do I have an idea of what it might be like and a language skill that could help me cope. Although sign languages have nothing to do with the language of the country - New Zealand sign language is not a code for English. You have to learn new grammar and concepts and new way of thinking. But it's very colourful and interesting and Deaf people would understand some of your struggles and what you are going through. I don't know, just thought it could be a possible way for you to socialise in a more comfortable way?

 

Thank you all for your replies. It is nice not to be alone with this. Yes, my hearing loss is permanent. But my right ear is still fine. We keep plugging!

 

MUSIC keeps me going.
Loud music gave me tinnitus so I turned it down and went acoustic. Music has given me everything good in my life, and the worst thing, this darned T. Since '74.
Please everyone, try this.. https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

 

Fear of fucking up a suicide attempt...I got nothing==parents dead brother dead--one brother left...No woman no wife no kids never married never had a girlfriend 52 years old...Hearing getting worse..Social life dead...19 years in and I am fucked

 

Family and friends, good red wine, cooking, sailing, low T days, cicada bugs and crickets, driving, more good red wine, wondering how much stress I can take, before going insane, pondering how this will pan out over time, or awakening to find out, this has really been, just one very long bad dream.

 

Life, love, and a possible cure.

 

Hi @sallyringgirl ,
I am in the same boat you are in. I lost all hearing in my left ear over two years ago and the hearing was replaced with chronic tinnitus. The hobby that I loved and invested the most in was playing music so that made (makes) things even more depressing. I have been saved by two very small people, my grandchildren. As much as I wanted to be done with noise, I could not hurt those babies. They would suffer terribly if I were to leave this world, and that is what is what keeps me going.

 

Oxygen ... chocolate ... (shhh dont tell joseph) .. and my cat ☺