Comments on Profile Post by mattryp

Sadly yes..

Yep! I no longer live in everybody else's world. I live in an invisible parallel world.

@Striveon @TheDanishGirl Yea, it really is a haunting existence. I'm struggling with a few other chronic health issues, so everything combined is overwhelming. I'm dreading the holidays, have a lot going on then.

And on top of that, my ENT did a rough job with a manual wax cleaning 4 days ago. He usually does a great job, but this time it was a bit painful. I coughed uncontrollably at one point, and he's like 'yup, that's the Jacobson nerve.' No apologies or anything, even though he knows my symptoms. And now my T and H are spiked, with some residual pain from the cleaning.

I cant interact with people at all now because my soul has gone. I was always quiet person but now just permenantly on mute.

Yes, sadly it has changed.

I hate the person I am now. She should go away and let the real Red come back. But that will never happen. The real Red is dead.

Wow, so I’m not alone in this right now. I feel like because of it, most of my decisions, and interactions with people are off. Then I retrace it in my mind, ways I could've positively altered the experience, by changing key decisions / things said. Then guilt, how I can't be more complete right now, how I'm letting everyone down. I've been here before, but this time it feels heavier, and it's a shitty place to be.