mattryp

I feel you...

i have to look at old pics/do not recognize the new me

Yeah. It hurts looking at them.

It's just really a painful way to live... told my sister that he's touring now, and she said we'd have to go (also a fan), but now that I looked up the details, and see that it's this coming weekend, in small venues, I have to just omit that info to her, and let it pass. And the whole thing / my life right now makes me feel like shit.

@mattryp Yeah I know it is painful. I am having some rouugh days myself, these days......where I just miss my old life with concerts and other loud events, so much it hurts :( I keep telling myself it won't last forever.......that there will be a treatment in the near future. The prospect of having my old life back one day, keeps me going.......for now at least.

@TheDanishGirl The next thing I'm looking into again is vagus nerve stimulation, because it's connected to so many systems, auditory being one of them. I read that it can help tinnitus. I've tried it in the past with my Scenar, and plan on coming back to it soon.

I miss music too...
The only music I get are the songs in my memories.

@Red Yeaaa, I've been doing the listening from memory thing too. Then I put the actual song on, and had to turn it down, realizing that the memory of it was sweeter, and had more clarity. Man, so depressing...

Yes, sadly it has changed.

I hate the person I am now. She should go away and let the real Red come back. But that will never happen. The real Red is dead.

Wow, so I’m not alone in this right now. I feel like because of it, most of my decisions, and interactions with people are off. Then I retrace it in my mind, ways I could've positively altered the experience, by changing key decisions / things said. Then guilt, how I can't be more complete right now, how I'm letting everyone down. I've been here before, but this time it feels heavier, and it's a shitty place to be.

@Bill Bauer Yea I'm thinking not to, but need to meditate on it some more. Just talked to a friend who thinks I should, but he doesn't really understand this condition.

Perhaps you can go to the ceremony / dinner and leave for the party when the music comes on?

Thanks guys. We actually agreed that I join them for the rehearsal ceremony / dinner a couple days before. I forgot how weddings have that. But that way, it's quieter, and we can actually have a convo / catch up.

@AZeurotuner Haha, I have the same reaction to those things, and have always respected the quiet cruisers. Props for owning one of those yourself. I knew a woman who was trying to explain the HD riding philosophy to me, and I kinda got it, but I don't get how those people don't have hearing damage from the wind / engine noise, esp when riding together. I'm sure that 99% of those riders don't plug up.

My town is swarming with them, and it's always good weather to ride in Tucson, Arizona, so they never hibernate... I hear them all day and night, very annoying, most can be heard from about a mile away. And trust me those guys definitely have hearing damage, they just don't care.

@AZeurotuner That's rough man, sorry you have to deal with that. I'm in the mountains, so we have motocross / atvs riding around too. But compared to 5-10 - 20-30 / constant HD riders, I'll just be grateful for what I have to deal with here, lol.