Hello everyone,
I'm 31 and have been living with tinnitus since I was 17, after a festival. As you can imagine, my tinnitus journey has had a lot of ups and downs. I won't go into the whole story now—it would take too long—but I'd like to share what's been happening over the past three weeks. Mostly, I'm looking for some reassurance.
The last few weeks have been hell. For context: my girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. This came not long after I stopped taking antidepressants (after six years). On top of that, work has been extremely stressful lately.
During the first week after the breakup, the heartbreak was the main struggle. That weekend, I went out for drinks with colleagues to take my mind off things. We ended up going to two dance bars in the city, and I spent about 20 minutes in each (wearing custom earplugs). Around 1:30 a.m. the noise, the crowds, and my emotions just became too much, so I went home. Once I got back, I fell into a really dark state. I even started writing a farewell letter, but tore it up shortly after. Once I calmed down, I went to bed.
The next day (September 20th) things got worse: I had a huge emotional hangover and my tinnitus suddenly spiked to a much higher level. I canceled all my plans because I felt completely broken. On top of the heartbreak, I now had tinnitus screaming at me, and guilt took over: "Should I have stayed home instead of going out?"
Now, a little over a week later, I'm trying to remind myself that spikes in the past have always calmed down eventually, one way or another. But to no avail: I'm seriously starting to lose hope. With the breakup and the work stress on top, I just don't feel like I have any strength left. It feels like the ground has been pulled out from under me.
This past week the tinnitus has shifted a lot. Occasionally (like after a hot shower) I'll feel some relief, but most of the time the intensity comes back shortly after and it scares me. I'm afraid—not just for now, but for the future too. Even with all my years of experience living with tinnitus, it feels like I'm back at square one. And because of the breakup, I feel very, very alone in this struggle.
That's why I'm posting here again after such a long time. I'm really hoping you can offer me some encouragement.
Best,
A.
I'm 31 and have been living with tinnitus since I was 17, after a festival. As you can imagine, my tinnitus journey has had a lot of ups and downs. I won't go into the whole story now—it would take too long—but I'd like to share what's been happening over the past three weeks. Mostly, I'm looking for some reassurance.
The last few weeks have been hell. For context: my girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. This came not long after I stopped taking antidepressants (after six years). On top of that, work has been extremely stressful lately.
During the first week after the breakup, the heartbreak was the main struggle. That weekend, I went out for drinks with colleagues to take my mind off things. We ended up going to two dance bars in the city, and I spent about 20 minutes in each (wearing custom earplugs). Around 1:30 a.m. the noise, the crowds, and my emotions just became too much, so I went home. Once I got back, I fell into a really dark state. I even started writing a farewell letter, but tore it up shortly after. Once I calmed down, I went to bed.
The next day (September 20th) things got worse: I had a huge emotional hangover and my tinnitus suddenly spiked to a much higher level. I canceled all my plans because I felt completely broken. On top of the heartbreak, I now had tinnitus screaming at me, and guilt took over: "Should I have stayed home instead of going out?"
Now, a little over a week later, I'm trying to remind myself that spikes in the past have always calmed down eventually, one way or another. But to no avail: I'm seriously starting to lose hope. With the breakup and the work stress on top, I just don't feel like I have any strength left. It feels like the ground has been pulled out from under me.
This past week the tinnitus has shifted a lot. Occasionally (like after a hot shower) I'll feel some relief, but most of the time the intensity comes back shortly after and it scares me. I'm afraid—not just for now, but for the future too. Even with all my years of experience living with tinnitus, it feels like I'm back at square one. And because of the breakup, I feel very, very alone in this struggle.
That's why I'm posting here again after such a long time. I'm really hoping you can offer me some encouragement.
Best,
A.
