Help, My Parents Want to Take the Custody of My Only Child Because I Suffer from Tinnitus!

Long story cut short: i got a pile of papers in the mailbox last week. My parents are suing me, they want to take the custody of my child and change his domicile.
I have not seen my son in the past three months.

Last time i spoke with my son it was January, when we were planning together my kidnapping him from that house. When my father heard and realised what we are talking about, he cut the conversation and that was the last time i got to speak with my son. When my father took him he broke the article 307 from the Penal Code, cause i had the custody rights.

I hear now, from my father, that my son is very ill.
He forbids me to talk to him. He says that i cannot talk to him because "he cannot reason now". This happened yesterday. I do not know what "he cannot reason/think now" is supposed to mean. I am very worried.
I bet that my son does not know about what my father intends to do (to get the custody rights, and what the consequences of that would be). I am sure that if he knew he would not agree. I suspect that my father intends to make it in such a way that my son would not appear in court. He will probably say that my son is sick and he cannot come to court, but he wants to stay with them.
That would be against the law, to give the custody rights to my father, while the child's opinion is not heard. Or maybe he intends to bring him to court, counting on the fact that if i see my son only then, in court, by that time he will finish the brainwashing that he has done with my son, and my son, who gets fearful and shy in court (we had a dispute in court before. Then the judge called my son near him, and they had a conversation i coud not hear, the court was noisy and they were speaking softly. I do not know what answers my son gave, but the judge decided then in my favour.
I do not know what may happen now.

When i mentioned to the agents of Child "protection" agency that my father does not answer the phone, they said that this is mere "problem of communication".
This is ABUSE, not "problem of communication".


My son has Aspergerger's syndrome. He needs me more than anybody.
My father is 82, and he is paranoid, violent, a lying bastard. He thinks he can lie to the autborities (police, child protection agency, schoold teachers), and so far he was succesful (only with the judge he was not so succesfull).
To be honest, i am afraid.

What he wants to use, to get the custody of my child?
Last year my tinnitus spiked. It got so bad, i was desperate. I could not find my way out of that hell. The tinnitus got so loud. ..
On sept 20th i wrote to Markku that i am desperate, because of the increase in volume.
@Markku, do you remember?
I got out of that spike with some medication, but i remained absolutely in shock about the spike that i had. I was in my 9th year of tinnitus, and i thought i went through all the levels of hell that were possible to experience on earth. I was wrong. There was another level. Because my tinnitus got so bad, (it worsened because of a huge huge huge stress) that i returned to the forum. I think on a couple of posts i mentioned my spike.
I remained really "shaken" about what happened to me.
Oh, by the way, when i told my father about the spike, he couldn't care less. He pretended he does not hear. Complete indiference!
It was hard to pick myself up from what happened, and all the year 2017 was a huge stress, it was a very bad year for me.
My father was coming to my house daily, to visit my son.
He noticed that the apartment got messy. He arranged with the Child "protection" Agency to pay me a "random" visit, and to make believe that he did not speak with them, that it is a visit unrelated to him. Gina Popescu, while speaking to me, she turned herself in, against her will, that she had spoken with my father.
When they began to take pictures of the boy's room (there were some towels thrown on a chair, other towels hanging from the handle of a bike that was supposed to be in the balcony, things like that, and they took pictures of two desks that i have many many things on. To be honest, i do not even know where to put so many things, i do not have the space. On top of one dressing that she took a picture of, i had many many books. They were books that i bought either for my son, or books that i bought trying to get cured of tinnitus (alternative medicine, mostly, you know the genre, "tetha healing" and the likes. Desperate, sick people are able to buy anything that promises them a hope for healing, for the right price).

I tried to explain that i was very sick with the tinnitus. I tried to speak, but they did not want to listen. Gina Popescu is a "psychologist", amazingly, (i was very surprised when i saw that above her signature) but she does not let people speak about their problems and she changes the subject when i speak about something that is not conveniant to her intentions.

Anyway, i could not tell her that it was because of my tinnitus that i could not clean for days on row (she interrupted me when i tried to speak, did not let me continue my sentence, only took some pictures. She jumped on the couch that my son was sleeping on (he was sleeping when she came, and she told me to turn the lights on, because "he is not sleeping", but the lights hurt his eyes. She made a picture with herself and my son, sitting next to him and making a "selfie". My son likes to sleep without shirt, only pijama pants. He is almost 17. I wouldn't have dared to sit next to him while he does not have a shirt on. But she did. I see that that particular picture she did not put in the file. That picture magically disappeared. I think that what she did was unappropiate.
She told him that she brought him another "blonde", not the "blonde that she brought the year before, but another blonde". Honestly, my son couodn't care less about the colour in which the agents of Child "Protection Agency dye their hair. Very unappropiate, in my opinion. Maybe it did not cross their minds that my son probably likes girls of his age, and they are a bit old for him, to give a shit about the colour of their hair dye? My son told me that in the past the agents never listened to him , they sent him to another room while they were speaking with my mother . Whatever...

My son is very understanding about my tinnitus and i expressed my regrets that i am not in shape to do the cleaning, but chances are that i will get better, and i will clean then. He understood the situation. He really did. He is a very good child.

I remained behind with the cleaning because of very bad tinnitus, but they do not care about that.
I put a poll above regarding this issue.
For you, sufferers with loud tinnitus, i ask you: where you ever so sick that you could not clean?
..or do something else that you had to do?
Were you ever debilitated by your tinnitus?

I cannot believe that this is happening to me. I am having a health problem and, instead of being helped, they intend to take the child away from me, a child that was waiting with patience for me to get better and clean, maybe even together, cause we had had the conversation about this issue.

On the file it is prepared for taking my custody rights, there is not a single mentioning that i have (sometimes severe) tinnitus. They did not find this to be "relevant". A form of lying is not to tell the whole truth, to omit certain things, on purpose, like my parents and the agents did.
To take somebody's child from him/her because of a consequence of a health problem, like severe tinnitus, it is unbelievable to me. Outrageous! I hope this will not happen.
I intend to show the judge the result of the poll (if i see that other members were ever in this situation, of course).
Please do not lie in my favour. This is for the Court, "the truth and nothing but the truth".
Answer "yes" only if the REAL answer is "yes".

Thank you.

 

Yes, absolutely, when my T was at a severe/catastrophic level.

 

@Dana,
I feel so sorry for you and no mum should have their child taken away from them and no contact also.

The court should stand by you and give you any help you need for yourself and son and grandparents to help also.
My sons were about 8 and 15 when I started with Menieres and sever tinnitus and under the sever hospital asthma unit and was hard but you manage and say yes to family to help you out when needed .
I hope you get your son back where he belongs.
Get a doctors letter to support you even court to say you are physically fit to look after your son and fight to get him back.
Lots of love and hugs.
Glynis x

 

Thank you @glynis for you support and advice. They will help me a lot, maybe even make the difference. I will go to my ENT for that letter.
Thanks again.
I appreciate.

 

I have some situation changing news: i have just got to speak with my son and recorded the conversation. He told me that he does want to see me, the opposite of what an agent of the "child & parent abusing agency", who claimed that he has in writing from my son that he does not want to see me.
As expected, my son did not even know what my parents are preparing for him and me.
I hope those proofs will have some weight for the trial.
My son's opinion is essential, they can not override it.
They have to ask for his opinion if the child is over 10 years old.
Whew, i feel a tiny relief.

 

Dana, glad you got to talk to your son. Sounds like you need legal representation if you don't already have it.

 

I really, really, really don't know how to help because this is way above my paygrade. I just commented to say I really hope this works out for you. What an awful situation.

 

Thank you @Michael B. I got Friday a lawyer, i think i should hold on to her.
Can anybody believe that the agents in my father's district talked to a boy that was illegally taken from his mother, who was not able to see his mother for such a long time, condone that situation, the boy to live with the abusive grandfather and even give him temporary custody rights until the trial? I asked the agent : "Madam, do you know that this boy did not even talk, let alone see his mother in such a long time? She said: "I spoke with the boy and he said that he loves you, but does not want to see you." I repeated : "Madam, are you saying that he does not want to see me, accepting penal responsibility if this is not true? The second she heard "penal responsibility" she swallowed her tongue, changed the subject twice. I repeated the question each time, and seeing that she got in trouble ...she hung up the phone. Seems that she found no other way to get out of trouble but by hanging up. That double convinced me that she is lying. The words "penal responsibility" seemed to work like magic, changed everything.

Can one believe what these people are doing, contributing to an abuse of a child and mother, instead of protecting them, and...they are payed from taxes, collected from the money earned by other people, some of them working really hard and tiring jobs to make this money?
It just seems surreal to me.

 

Thank you, @threefirefour, that was very sweet of you.

 

The poll question is simple, but there is a difference between unable to do chores and unable to do chores to a point where child protective services feels you are endangering your child.

However that said, from Dana’s post it seems there is a lot of background regarding her child and her relationship with her parents. It almost seems as if her condition is unfairly being used as an excuse to claim she is unable to parent.

She’s a single mom, too, and that itself creates countless challenges. Managing those challenges while having a chronic condition like tinnitus is undoubtably very difficult. I think anyone would struggle under that weight.

@Dana I am sorry you are going through this. I am unfamiliar with Romanian laws, though I was able to look up penal code 307 that you referenced and it is related to diversion of funds. I suspect other codes may have been violated, too. Are there any free legal services available to you?

In the U.S. there are a lot of facets examined regarding child custody. Courts in the U.S. would look at what happened that your parents felt inclined to take your child, has child services investigated you before, what efforts (legal or otherwise) did you take in the last three months to get back your child, and has that initial situation changed. Are you now in a position to better care for him? Seeking help for your condition? Not necessarily help for tinnitus but help for the anxiety that can come along with it. They would want to ensure that returning him to your custody would be a stable and permanent move. That what happened when you had a spike was a onetime incident and that going forward you will be better able to cope if (heaven forbid) another spike happened.

I think you having tinnitus for nearly 10 years and only struggling to manage it and parenting during this recent particular incident would actually be more helpful to your case.

You mentioned he is 17. Again, unsure of your country’s legal system but in the U.S. the legal age is 18, so any custody rulings would be void then because a child would be an adult. However, you mentioned your son falls on the autism spectrum, so that of course can complicate competency to be declared an adult.

I hope all of this does not come across as harsh. I simply what to give you an idea of what factors may be considered. I wish you the best, I am sure the stress and uncertainty of this situation is awful.

 

I really wish you the best when the court day arrives. Your father is rather older at 82 to be caring for a 17 year old child with a disability. Are there government funds he receives for the care of a minor? Is that his motive?

 

@Tinker Bell , i do not know what you may have gotten doing a search from US, but article 307 from the penal code in my country refers to not respecting the court decision regarding the custody of a child, and my father broke it when he took him and did not answer any phone after that

https://legeaz.net/cod-penal-actualizat-2011/art-307-cpen


Regarding the other issues brought in discussion i will answer later, now i have to do with something that i cannot postpone.

Thank you very much for your help, you are probably a mother (or no?)

 

Thanks for clarifying! I did another search and found the corresponding code in English. Definitely violations within the mentioned code. I have to say, Romanian laws are interesting to read! Sorry about that, I think I inverted two numbers when I was first reading.

I am a mother, too. Cannot even imagine the distress you’re going through. I have no legal background (other than some university classes), but you should absolutely seek out professional legal aid to help you.

 

@Starthrower
Sorry i took so long to answer, and it will not be a complete answer not even this time. His reasons are not money. Regarding money, in order to get the custody, he claims that he has more money than he has in reality.

He always wanted my son to keep him company. Although he still has some activity (he does audits from time to time, for extra cash, besides the pension) he stays most of the time home, and he wants company. Somebody with young blood, like my son, seems to him the perfect choice for an old person like him, who does not get much attention from elsewhere.
It is about his incredible selfishness, to not be alone with just my mother, with whom he never got along, although in front of the Child Protection Agency they play theater, they pretend to get along fine, only to resume bickering and fighting and insulting each other, after they leave.
What is worse is that, when asked why do they fight all the time, they always put the blame on somebody else. When i was living with them, up to early 20's, it was me, my mother used to reproach me that i destroyed her life because, when she remained pregnant with me, she became obligated to stay with my father. Other times he was telling me that they fight all the time because of me, as if i were the subject.
What is really bad is that now they put the blame for their permanent fighting on my son.
They made him cry many times, they made him so depressed while he was living with them that one time i learned, after they tried to hide it, that my son is in the psychiatric hospital, because he wants to commit suicide.
When my son was telling them about his wish to commit suicide, my mother accused him that he wants to do that because he is too lazy, because he does not want to learn for school....
My parents are monsters.
I received the day of the trial, 2nd of April, next Monday.
I read that the Child Protection Agency is suing, not my parents. That make me suspect soemthing very bad: my parents may not show up at the trial, so the judge will not see what they look like, how they talk, how they cannot answers to some questions of mine.
I wonder how this could be possible, a juge to rule for custody in the favour of some people that he does not even see?
My own son may not be present, they may present the excuse that he is too sick to come.
If my father shows up, that's good, because last time the judge did not like him (he sued me three times, always for different reasons. The reasons change, the goal stays the same. He wants my son to keep him company) The first time i was not there (tinnitus) and the second time, although i had a bag of documents, proofs against them, i could not utter a word, i suffered a blockage.


Sorry for answering too late, but you opened a can of worms, which made me remember very unpleasant things.

You hit the nail on the head. "What is the real reason?"
Well, not funds, but company.
And he presents his income to support his claim, as of you can buy a child, another person's child, with money. He thinks money can buy him anything.

As it would be normal, i was supposed to inherit a part of the house i grew up. My mother and father plan to take me out from the will, and put my son instead, so he stays with them. He lured him with this house since he was very little: "See this house? It will be yours, you do not need mummy, forget about mummy".

He did and said other things too.
So upsetting..

Thank you for your support, i appreciate, i really do.

 

Dana I understand. Believe me. You were used as their scapegoat for their own mental issues and bad relationship. Place the blame on you all your life. This takes away so much self confidence and belief in one's self.

I have limited time right now. But the important fact to keep in mind is that this is NOT YOUR fault. Try to build a lot more belief in yourself as I read in your words above.

It is so hard to shake the evils of one's parents off. Those are sort of ingrained in your soul. But it can be a cycle that can be broken.

Can you get an independent report of some sort from a therapist?

Sorry you had to think about that stuff. But hopefully this is one of those times when you will be able to take charge of your life and get your son out of there. It won't be easy.

Many hugs to you Dana.

 

@Starthrower

About what kind of report are you referring at, what kind of therapist?
-a report about how i manage to function, although i have tinnitus (My parents or the Agency do not mention anywhere that i have tinnitus. My father says that "i have tinnitus in my butt", excuse the vulgarity, i just quoted him, sorry), or
-a report about my ability to parent my son, in general, leaving tinnitus on the side, an evaluation of me, in general?

Glynis suggested something similar, to get a letter from a doctor, but i do not know what kind of doctor she referred to. I said that will try to get one from my ENT, but i am not sure that is what she meant.
A psychiatrist, maybe?
A psychologist?

I am waiting for clearer suggestion, @glynis and @Starthrower

I have only two business days to obtain it, though, and i have so many other things to do (meet with the lawyer, analyse papers, write "speech", etc)

Thank you for your interest.

@Starthrower
You say you do not have much time, right now. If you do not have time to write it's ok. I am sure Glynis will answer, and, if not, i will try to get an appointment to a psychiatrist.

I cannot go to my GP because i lost my insurance card, and i cannot see her without it. I am not even sure that my father returned me the card after i asked him to go to my GP and get a prescription for Rivotril when i had that spike. I was in such bad shape that i could not go to the GP myself. He did go, to my surprise, but when i remained absolutely "still" after that shocking spike, i mean absolutely horrified, overwhelmed by fear that something like that may happen to me again in the future, still scared by how bad a spike can be (i quit clonazepam cold turkey because of lack of supply, which is, i know, a big no-no, but i had no choice), when i was still in post traumatic stress syndrome, he called the Agency to see the mess (not the "mess" of me, about me they say that "i do not have tinnitus, i am crazy"), but the mess that i posponed to solve for when i will feel that my displaced heart will take back its place, a mess that he could have fixed, no big deal, he could have done that, if he were a human being).

Returning to the subject of tinnitus:

To people who ever took clonazepam: always have some supply handy! I had, i think, excitotoxicity/glutamate storm, they say on Wikipedia that it may happen right after quitting cold turkey clonazepam, but i had it many months after quitting clonazepam, when i thought i am over that. It happened also after a huge stress, i must mention that. (I think i wrote a post about that, but i do not find it now). Maybe i wouldn't even have had this chemical fire in my brain if i hadn't been through that huge stress. I think the stress was a huge factor. (About the stress i do not want to say anything, but think of a 10 on a scale from 1 to 10).

Ok, long post again, sorry about that.

 

This may be the only post that i wrote on the public forum about that huge spike.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...tus-but-it-stopped-working.24058/#post-279918

 

I am so sorry you are going through such stress I can only imagine how desperate it must feel right now for you.

Dana you need to obtain your medical card. How do you do this in your country? Can you apply for another by calling your doctor and telling them your situation?

Second I was thinking probably like @glynis that a letter from a therapist or your doctor about your medical condition.

It sounds like you have an attorney? Talk with the person about what steps are needed to protect your rights as a mother and explain the past history like you did in your post above regarding the mental abuse from your parents.

This must be very stressful. Believe in yourself and see your own abilities. You write so well in posts to other people. That is the person you are and not the person you feel when you are dealing with your parents. Shake that off somehow with help from a therapist. It isn't easy and it takes small steps.

Hugs to you....

 

Hi Bliss,

I had to write my post early this morning because I knew you were in need of advise. And I have been thinking about your situation.

The medical card situation. I sense that this is holding you back a lot. Can you apply or start the steps before your court date on April 2nd? I have a feeling if the judge starts to question you on how you are improving your life and you say you lost your medical card - he won't want excuses. He will want to see you taking steps. This is a big factor.

So no excuses except perhaps about the last time it was used and you were not sure if your father still had it. But just in case you have taken the necessary steps to replace it. The the judge can ask your father or his attorney if they are in possession or has he ever been in possession of your medical card.

If he lies about this it will show up on record. He was at one time in possession of it but you are unable to locate it if it was returned.

Just maybe a few thoughts to go over with your attorney.

Remember when in court make no excuses but show the steps you have or will be taking towards your health situation.

 

Sorry about your situation with your son. Hopefully, you can find a loophole. You have to go over the law and see if there is a chance. If I had to think of my mother caring for my kids, ain't happening past prime. She couldn't do it when they were young. Are your parents medical certified?
.

 

So sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have people to lean on during hard times? Maybe you could find a local support group to help you deal with all that.

I hope that in time you and your parents can figure out a better situation for your kid.

Best,
Zug

 

Can you get legal representation?

When your son is 18 will he be able to choose?

 

I haven’t been around much lately so only just saw your post.
I just want to say I’m sorry that, on top of chronic health issues, you’re dealing with something as horrendous as this.
Family relationships can be very complicated and while some are lucky to have all the support in the world others are put through hell.
You’re a strong, smart woman and I’m sure you will find a way to reunite with your boy.
Please contact me if you need to!
Fingers crossed for Monday!