In Need of Support and Encouragement

Hi guys and gals, my name is Collin.

I've been lurking this site for a few months since my tinnitus appeared one morning in the late if April.

It's been an incredible debilitating disease for me. After 3 weeks of trying to "deal with it" as my my first ENT told me to do I ended up a wreck.

I have great difficulty sleeping and this lead me having to admit myself into the nearest general because I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts and forming plans. After a short stint in a psych ward I left with a brief prescription on sleeping aids which I was able to have renewed by a psychiatrist I am now seeing.

Sleep still is a struggle despite all the aids I take. I'm in my 4th month and am struggling to cope with this reality and the likeihood that this is something I will be living with for my life. As no cure is available and those that have found cures, they are as unique to them as the variants of T we each suffer from. I had a bad week. Barely more than 4 hours of sleep a day and my mental health is unfortunately tied closely with my sleep.

I spent almost the entirety of yesterday with my family seeking consolation and support, and crying for the majority of my visit. I can't fight this battle on my own.

 

Hi there

I understand how you feel. This is something new and scary for you, all of us went through this same feeling(s). It takes time to adjust to tinnitus and the odd/new noise that is coming from our heads. It probably took me a good 6 months or more to truly understand what was going on. The key is to try to relax, yes it is hard to do....but try to relax.

In the early days of my tinnitus, i'd talk a lot with my mom about it and did find some comfort in that. Talking it out and having someone listen to you can be very helpful. Tinnitus is a day by day thing, you just have to take it slow and try to deal with it. Stress and anxiety trigger tinnitus and can make it more annoying.

There are many ways to distract yourself from tinnitus and i suggest that you read about someone of them and just try to not have your mind focus on the sound. All of us focus or focused on the sound in the beginning and that just makes it harder.

We are here for you in this community....

 

Welcome to Tinnitus Talk Collin.
Tinnitus can be hard to deal with and the lack of sleep can soon have you low and full of unwanted emotions.
I'm glad you got help at the hospital and under a psychiatrist to help you also.

Sleeping tablets are great getting you asleep and a low AD for long-term use.

Find some nice relaxing music that you like and keep it playing as you need it and there are sound units or free apps etc to play below your tinnitus through out the night.
We are here around the clock to support you so your not alone as we all understand.
Love glynis

 

@Collin Carter - have you started looking for a root cause? Some are fixable...

 

Welcome @Collin Carter ,

I'm glad you sought help. Suicidal thoughts due to tinnitus are not uncommon. I understand your frustration and feeling like it may never go away.

@tiniturtle wrote the following, excellent, post about suicidal thoughts. As one who has been there, I agree with what he says and would recommend reading it through and considering the points he makes.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-about-suicide-or-the-ideation-of-such.23316/


If you have not found it yet, @Bill Bauer wrote the following post discussing studies that show a fairly high recovery rate from tinnitus ( https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/ )

Based on the referenced studies, a good percentage of tinnitus suffers recover in a relatively short period to time.

I know that this is not something that you want to hear, but many of us have had tinnitus for a long time. If you are not fortunate enough to have it end on its own, you may have a good chance a habituation.

Hang in there. You can make it through this. I know you may not feel like you can, but if you look at the introduction posts of many of the members here you will find many have been in the place you find yourself now, yet have found a way to keep going.

@glynis is correct, we are here for you. People are always here, so reach out if you need help. Many of us have been where you are, many of us have had suicidal thoughts, and we have made it through. You will find a lot of people here who understand how you feel. Let us help you.

I wish you well and hope that you find everything you need here.

Please keep us updated on your progress.

 

Others above have given you excellent advice. We know what you are going through as most of us have been where you are. Knowing that you are not alone will help you in managing your emotions. A big part of T suffering is mental and sleeplessness is often a result of extreme anxiety and stress from T. The body needs time to adjust to this new and alien condition. So be patient with this initial suffering. We tend to project a gloomy future based on the worst time of suffering so when we think we will be living with T with suffering like the worst time, we tend to collapse mentally as the brain simply doesn't know how to handle that. I was in a mess also initially with ultra high pitch dog whistle T and then severe hyperacusis. I had prior condition of PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder for decades before T. So T & H just triggered relentless anxiety and panic attack on auto mode daily when my loud screaming T woke me up. I never thought I could survive these harsh suffering and of course dark thoughts like what you are feeling now were with me daily. Luckily I didn't proceed to do the unthinkable, the one way ticket to a total unknown. I began to read lots of success stories and tried to copy success and applying their respective strategies. It has helped me tremendously and today I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. I invite you to check out the success stories and read as much as possible to give you hope and to help you turn around your suffering. Hang in there. Good life can be back. Believe it. Take care. God bless.

Here are some success stories including mine own:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

The most read success story on TT with a simple but effective method:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

It is possible to turn around our suffering by changing the approach, as in these two stories:
Paul Tobey who is my first mentor of T way back:
http://www.ata.org/sites/default/files/my_choice_concert_pianist_personal_story_tobey_june_06.pdf

Jade with T louder than the 800-ton mining truck she drove:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/6-months-tinnitus-still-going-strong-but-so-am-i.3226/

 

@GregCA I have tried to find the root cause. It came after I had a sinus infection in April that I was slow to seek help for until it was very bad. After I had gone through most of my medication, prednisone I heard the tinnitus. First ent I went to said it's likely a side effect of the prednisone. But it's been months since I took it and nothing changed. The second ent I saw a few weeks ago suggested it may be neurological and I'm trying to get into a new doctor who specializes in tinnitus. I've been obsessing lately of curing it. It's to the point I don't care if it's snake oil and a placebo effect. I crave silence.

 

I think a logical next step for you could be to do a hearing test (audiogram, rinne/fork tests, tympanometry if you feel comfortable with it, etc), then possibly imaging (CT, MRI).

Don't we all...

If your T is fairly tonal, you could try sound therapy.

 

I was in your shoes before, I wanted to hear silence so so badly again. I tried numerous things and nothing has worked. I do wish silence for you and myself and others that suffer. If you get that silence, then I'll be very happy for you and anyone that gets it. If silence, doesn't come, then just take it day by day. That is what all of us do, take it day by day.

It's a journey and i wish all of us lots of love in this journey....

 

@billie48 thank you so much for your reply. Its difficult(impossible) not to cry reading all these responses. It's helps to know there are people out there who understand. Who have felt this pain. I want to keep fighting. I've been trying so hard. Seeking help wherever I can, my family has been a tremendous rock for me to lean on. I will read your posts and hope for help.

 

@GregCA I took one at each ent visit. Each came back with results that my hearing was good. Nothing abnormal. I think I will try and get an mri. My last ent who was more on the neurology side told me from my symptoms that it doesn't sound like something a mass or growth on a nerve would cause. My tinnitus is chronic and is always the same tone. Not sure if the volume fluctuates, I'm thinking my anxiety mostly makes it feel that way.

 

Unfortunately seeing something abnormal is not a necessary condition, it's only a sufficient condition. You may still have hearing damage and not be "visible" or detected by any doctor.

Yeah, the imaging is generally used to rule out possible issues. They rarely show something useful, but they sometimes do (ask me how I know).

Then you are probably a good candidate for sound therapy...

 

@GregCA a tell me how the MRI was useful.

 

During my acute stage, I found amitriptyline helped me sleep. It is non-addictive and it didn't make me feel drowsy the next morning...

 

Hey Collin! Welcome to the forum!
I am glad to hear that you have a supportive family because that was a big help to me and my own journey with hearing loss and tinnitus. My family clearly wanted a broken me as opposed to no me at all. Nobody can really understand what we go through except for the others on this forum but it is good to have family members who try to understand.
You have been dealing with this for four months. I was still very afraid, depressed, exhausted and suicidal at four months. Now, it has been four years and I am happy. Yes, I would prefer to have my pre-tinnitus life back and I continue to hope for a cure, but I am grateful for what I have and I am happy to be alive and loved. I hope you find great support here, Collin. Hang in there!

 

For me:
The MRI was useful to rule out an acoustic neuroma.
The CT-Scan was crucial to detect signs of otosclerosis (and rule out semi circular canal dehiscence).

 

I will talk with my psychiatrist about this drug. I just started last night Olanzapine (Zyprexa). I had an incredibly difficult morning this morning, despite how it helped me sleep. My mind didn't jump into feedback loops of worry and I was able to sleep relatively quickly. It's supposed to suppress dreams, ironically I had a rather terrible nightmare at sometime in the night.

I don't know if it was the nightmare or my medication of wellbutrin. I had to leave work today because I was so distressed. I only just recently have been able to calm down and stop the tears. I'm getting taken off the wellbutrin because other the last 3 weeks my anxiety has gone up, pretty much the exact time I started to really consistently be on top of my medication. It might have been doing more harm than good. I don't know.

I'm rambling, I tend to do that when I'm not altogether. I think I got my point across. I will definitely be interested if my sleep continues to be an issue. I, once an borderline ridiculous skeptic, am now incredibly open to various avenues to helping me with this.

Also could you elaborate on what you mean by acute stage?

 

@GregCA then I will get on that right away. Better to sure these days. I don't like leaving things to guessing much anymore.

 

@Kolisar

Kolisar thank you so much for the words of support. I really don't know the words to properly thank you and everyone on here who has been willing to help me. I literally am choking back tears. It means so much to me that there are those that understand. That know this feeling and to hear from their own fingertips that this is not how it has to be. It can be better. I can be better.

I looked into each of your links. I found it incredible at how recent the post by @tiniturtle was. And how badly I needed to read those words. I haven't and never wished to take that route, but in despair you begin to consider all alternatives. I wish for life and this helped. Helped me believe there is more than just this incessant nuisance that seems so much more than it likely is.

I pray (ironic since I have such difficulty with faith and spirituality) that I am of those that are lucky and am rid of this over a period of time. But I'm not a person that likes to sit on his hands. I will actively pursue ways to better my life. From what I understand there are changes in diet, exercise and therapies available. I have been trying to become somewhat of an adept at understanding as much as I can about this disease.

Thank you again for your words and for your support.

It means more than I could possibly express.

 

@fishbone thank you so much for your words and support. It's been a tough day, but these messages truly helped me. Gave me perspective and let me know that this is not something I must fight on my own. I will take your suggestions to heart and look into ways to help distract myself. Keep my mind from constantly sound checking.

Again, thank you.

 

I'm glad that it helped you. I feel like I might have written that post for myself. Maybe I needed it. I've never been in so much pain in my life as I am right now. I still don't know how to manage it. I feel like I lost everything I cared about.

 

That was early after the onset of T, when my T was loud enough (and I wasn't habituated yet) to make me weep uncontrollably multiple times a day, every day.

Amitriptyline is an antidepressant. It begins acting as an antidepressant only after a couple of weeks. It works as a sleep aid right away.

 

Hey, Collin. I too had a hard time sleeping. I realize that not everyone has the same type of T, but this really helped me get a solid nights rest. http://www.soundpillow.com/

Additionally, the gentleman who owns this company has tinnitus, so he understands the struggle we go through on a daily basis. I know it's tough, but you have to focus on the good things in your life. Everyone says that time heals all wounds and if you just give this time, your body will learn to adjust. I wholeheartedly believe that.

Keep your head up and please know that you can overcome this.

 

That describes me to a T. I can't control my emotions. I'm weeping every day. I will talk with my psychiatrist about this. I don't know if it would help. As my anxiety is now heavily around my sleep. The moment I lay down it just spikes.

 

My T gets louder the moment I lay down...

 

I feel the same way. Sometimes my T feels the same way. Sometimes it feels like it gets louder throughout the day. Since it's subjective I can not tell if it's actually. If it's just perception or real.

 

You could play a constant tone on your computer, and then find a volume that matches the volume of your T. You could then try playing that tone at the same volume the next day to determine whether it is louder or not...

 

First got T seven years ago from a syringing. After a few years I adopted to it as I think that it settled just a little, although it was still loud.

Received somatic high pitch T about 4 months ago from lower dental front implant being placed. Jaw pressure with bend neck and sounds being able to travel to my ears during implant. I also now grind my teeth more and using a mouth guard doesn't help.

My somatic T moves from ear to ear or feels like it's coming from my brain, but mostly it's an unbearable high pitch in left ear.

My somatic high pitch T is getting worse and it's totally unbearable. I'm not good with any so-called safe medications.

So far, there's are no answers for me, dental, neck therapy or sound therapy.

I posted this under the wrong thread. I just wanted to post this under the thread:
Poll: Have You Experienced Permanent Worsening Of Your Tinnitus.

 

@Collin Carter I'm so sorry. I can relate to the ways that your T spikes even louder. This board is a great place for support and research. Bless you my friend. Maybe your T will settle down a bit. Mine did the first time with subjective T. Stress is an issue for the entire body. I'm not sure if you did the following: Complete panels of blood work, a physical, having ears checked and dental exams. I'm not writing this post to give you opinions and advice. I can't find answers myself even though I know my cause. I just want to say I care. My heart is always with those with tinnitus.

Subjective T usually will settle down a little in time. Somatic high pitch has treatments, but finding treatments to work can be easy or difficult. I have high pitched somatic T and I can't find treatment that helps, but I will carefully continue with various treatments. That all we can do.

My mistake was not getting jaw support and bending my neck at the dentist, along with not having the dentist break with drilling, especially into jaw bone. I let my guard down thinking that having a front lower implant placed wouldn't affect my original T, as other dental visits for regular fillings didn't effect my T. The point of this paragraph is to never let your guard down without researching medical treatments and drugs first.

I wish you the best. I hope that you can find a focus point for some treatments. Greg

 

@Bill Bauer I've also been experiencing some painful pressure in my ears for the last couple weeks. Idk if that means anything. It wasn't there at the start of the T. But it's been a noticeable change.