Aloe_Blossum

It's like my whole life makes sense now that I have this issue. This is forcing me to do the hard work on attitude, emotions and being reasonable that I should have done 20 years ago. I'm 37 years old and a new Software Engineer. Champion of future science and technology.
Timeline:
July 2019: Major grief event
October 2019: Major (temporary) illness
October - present: stubborn case of chronic gastritis
End of February: "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Prior: chronic tmj (5 years), chronic piriformis syndrome, intermittent major depression, anxiety/sensitivity to negative emotion/panic - 20 years.

I'm actually a hard working and reasonable person to most of the outer world. My inner life is an extreme struggle. I'm always trying to get better along a number of different dimensions. I'm optimistic but often feel very frustrated.