randomuser
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randomuser

Member, Male

Rock bottom. Zoloft or death. Wish me luck. Nov 29, 2015

randomuser was last seen:
Dec 5, 2016 at 1:55 PM
    1. Tamika
      Tamika
      How are you going with the Zoloft? Any improvement?
      1. randomuser
        randomuser
        Luckly, yes. I feel much better now. I'm trying to avoid forums and focus on my life, I have a lot of things going on and t should be the less of my worries. Thanks for asking.
        Feb 5, 2016
      2. Tamika
        Tamika
        That is great news. A success story
        Feb 5, 2016
    2. randomuser
      randomuser
      Rock bottom. Zoloft or death. Wish me luck.
      1. Blackbird26
        Blackbird26
        Good luck! I am sorry you're in such a bad place ..it will get better
        Nov 30, 2015
      2. uae96
        uae96
        you live in an amazing country man! spain ! ive been there many times , get out to places more and meet new people if you do not have hyperacusis , going out will help alot on depression and youre country is the right place for it!
        Nov 30, 2015
        Blackbird26 likes this.
      3. randomuser
        randomuser
        Just came back from the pdoc. As expected, he has given zoloft to me, low dose. I expect a slight spike or nothing, but I need urgently to lift my mood. Will keep you updated.
        Nov 30, 2015
        uae96, Blackbird26 and grate_biff like this.
    3. randomuser
      randomuser
      I'm starting to become a burden to my family... this is far worse than t and all the suffering
    4. randomuser
      randomuser
      I'd like to be strong enough to end it all
      1. randomuser
        randomuser
        Yes, SUICIDE, t is louder than ever, withdrawal is kicking me hard and my brain is not ready for more shit (ssris). I can't stand this anymore, seriously, wanna die. I'm not an attention whore, just a human wreck :(
        Nov 19, 2015
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        Probably is not only T, but many other things, but obviously T is a major player in this shit storm.
        Nov 19, 2015
      3. Bran350
        Bran350
        I know it's tough man. My dad has had it for over 20 years, and myself 24, managed to get this crap. My situation sounds very similar to yours in regards to T and life in general and I am more than happy to talk anytime man. I know it's rough.
        Nov 20, 2015
    5. randomuser
      randomuser
      kind of desperate now, this is not life at all
      1. Richard zurowski
        Richard zurowski
        Same here. It's tough going.
        Nov 18, 2015
    6. randomuser
      randomuser
      Today is slightly louder on my left ear, wtf is this shit? Why this f* t keeps changing daily?
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        Btw I really wonder if this thing called "habituation" applies to people with ocd and unstable t. Just asking.
        Nov 15, 2015
      3. Sgguy46
        Sgguy46
        at some point, we all have to accept that it will change when it wants to and there is nothing much we can do about that. We can only control our reaction. I know it is hard. Trust me ,,, i know it is hard.
        Nov 16, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        Some days, like today, I feel like life's not worth living. But I'm a coward.
        Nov 16, 2015
    7. randomuser
      randomuser
      Hi there! ranting again! tired of this endless shit! After few good days, bad days strike again. Damned benzos and stress and stuff.
    8. randomuser
      randomuser
      Feeling down again, hopeless. I see no exit to this endless suffering, and lack of light doesn't help.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        Mine is unmaskable. Its absolute volume is low, but I can hear it over everything, either white noise, crickets, rain, trucks or whatever. It's like ambient noise + t (5 db?). Only in the shower.

        Anyway, I am resigned to suffer, life can be good or bad, or worse, I have to accept that my destiny is not to be happy.
        Nov 2, 2015
      3. Sailboardman
        Sailboardman
        My T can be heard clearly, driving in my car, windows open and radio on. I have severe hearing loss in my right ear at 65-70db, from 2-8K. Standard test. My T has been measured around 65db. My hearing aid masker is set at 65db and I sometimes can't hear it over my T. It sucks!
        Nov 2, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        I have no hearling loss. Well, I can't hear anything above 12 kHz, but since I'm 37 it might be related to age. I abused fireworks in my childhood.
        Nov 5, 2015
    9. randomuser
      randomuser
      As every single f***ing day, here I am ranting. Want to end this all, but I can't. God help me please.
      1. randomuser
        randomuser
        Yesterday the noise was tolerable, today is not. Can't swallow a "magic pill" for anxiety. Stuck at work. Only want to stay in bed relaxing, but I can't. F**k my life.
        Oct 29, 2015
    10. randomuser
      randomuser
      Back to square zero. I can't believe this is due to withdrawal, I don't buy it, no way, feeling worse every single day.
      1. randomuser
        randomuser
        Today the noise is fairly low, like 2/10, but the anxiety and depression is skyrocketing. And I'm now at work making mistake after mistake.
        Oct 28, 2015
    11. randomuser
      randomuser
      The solution is not here, and I keep coming here for a solution. Get over it, damnit!!!!!
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        The problem is that I feel that I wont be any better after tapering, t will still be here and no klonopin to alleviate, am I right? Thinking on opening a thread
        Oct 25, 2015
      3. Blackbird26
        Blackbird26
        Well true...but take into account the healing your brain will undergo once that damn drug is gone..It takes time but for all you know your t will fade or you will habituate kpin free!
        Oct 25, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        Well, my dose is ridiculously low and only had minor spikes, I would like to be confident that it will either get better or stay the same. This is extremely important.
        Oct 25, 2015
    12. randomuser
      randomuser
      Giant setback, this is neverending. And I keep coming here and this is bad for me.
    13. randomuser
      randomuser
      Please use your facebook "like" buttons, it's easy and every little counts.
      1. RaZaH likes this.
    14. randomuser
      randomuser
      So, if things dont improve in several days, travel to Spain, appointment with a neurologist and Trobalt. I can't do anything else.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        And about the neurologist, if you are under medical control it's safer, losing a kidney is far far worse than having a ringing in your ears... i have also extremely mild floaters and an increase would be as bad as a tinnitus, altough you can "switch off" your floaters easily.
        Oct 19, 2015
      3. randomuser
        randomuser
        I read that some users are getting a t worsening after quitting Trobalt, so now it's not an option. Better suffer than suffer more and more. S****
        Oct 24, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        And things are not improving at all and I am scared of trobalt, endless suffering, why????
        Oct 28, 2015
    15. randomuser
      randomuser
      Shit, sleepless night, roaring ears and absolute desperation. The aut affair has affected me a lot, I see no hope and don't know what to do
      1. View previous comments...
      2. OnceUponaTime
        OnceUponaTime
        Go figure... I was cooking up a storm because I found that that helped me relax! And also talking to people helped me...Try to find something you enjoy and that helps you relax. Try to take chamomile tea a couple of times a day.. also Tension Tamer (helps my husband) I do not like the flavor...lol
        Oct 19, 2015
      3. randomuser
        randomuser
        I work as a research scientist (nothing related to T btw), and I also enjoy cooking, the background noise masks my T perfectly :D. I had a bad day, tonight my little T is almost gone, as happens most days, and my fears of worsening due to withdrawal are slowly but surely disappearing. Sometimes I have a linden infusion to help with sleep.
        Blame the benzos!!
        Oct 19, 2015
        OnceUponaTime likes this.
      4. OnceUponaTime
        OnceUponaTime
        Ok then.. let the cooking begin! Research Scientist...u should start researching RTG in your downstairs secret lab!!!!! lol....You should be better in no time! :)
        Oct 20, 2015
    16. randomuser
      randomuser
      Logging off. See you in a while, I am going to do my best not to enter in at least one month.
      1. RaZaH likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. randomuser
        randomuser
        Nothing, linden but doesn't do anything at all. Tonight will sleep for sure, I'm quite tired right now.
        Oct 19, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        And, ladies and gentlemans, my promise has been broken after few hours. Ahhh the anxiety.
        Oct 19, 2015
      5. OnceUponaTime
        OnceUponaTime
        :) It is ok. I guess we kept you by asking you questions. I will pray that you may sleep well through the night again and that your body can be refreshed and awake full of energy and health. :) I take chamomile tea a couple of times a day and I take Calms Forte to help me relax. (all natural and I sleep well ) I buy it at vitacost.com. Hope today is better than yesterday.
        Oct 19, 2015
        randomuser likes this.
    17. randomuser
      randomuser
      Seriously? Anxiety and now a spike? WTF???
    18. randomuser
      randomuser
      I should stop visiting here, seriously, is doing more harm than good. There is an atmosphere of absolute despair and hopelessness.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        Yeah, land of sun and beaches and cuts in research lol
        Oct 18, 2015
      3. Blackbird26
        Blackbird26
        Sun and beaches....what more you need? ;) I love the beach..and the sun..I always do better in summer
        Oct 18, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        Me too. Autumn is sad, such a short days and lack of light, especially un north europeos. Where are you from?
        Oct 18, 2015
    19. randomuser
      randomuser
      What have I done to deserve this??? Why can't I handle a very mild T, I was doing fine 3-4 months ago and now i'm completely unable to cope.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        I know, I know, have had an emotional setback. Hope to be back to my old self soon
        Oct 17, 2015
        Blackbird26 and RaZaH like this.
      3. Blackbird26
        Blackbird26
        They happen. .You will get through this. Hang in.
        Oct 18, 2015
        randomuser likes this.
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        Thank both for commenting. Having a really really bad day (low volume but lower mood)
        Oct 18, 2015
        Blackbird26 likes this.
    20. randomuser
      randomuser
      Fucked up. Don't know if is the AUT affair despair, the depression, the autumn, the noise, the benzo withdrawal or whatever.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. randomuser
        randomuser
        Btw I am withdrawing from clonazepam with liquid titration, I use rivotril (liquid) and is really easy to adjust up to the microgram. I was at 0.5 mg for 12 months and withdrawing since (beginning of 2014)
        Oct 16, 2015
      3. Blackbird26
        Blackbird26
        that's good..you are proceeding correctly. .unfortunately yes, insomnia is a major first symptom of w/d from kpin...don't be scared just know you may need to switch to V for awhile.
        Oct 17, 2015
      4. randomuser
        randomuser
        I prefer to end taper with K, i'm micro-tapering and it's better to continue this way. Yesterday was crap, scared, crying and desperate. Endless suffering, my personality is also prone to this kind of negative toughts.
        Oct 17, 2015
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  • About

    Gender:
    Male
    Tinnitus Since:
    05/2013
    So this is my personal home page for ranting. Well, I got t some time ago, probably due to stress or a cold, but I'm not sure. I only see an endless ocean of suffering, despair, hopelessness, helpless, depression, anxiety and dark toughts. Currently quitting clonazepam, this probably isn't helping at all.

    Everybody says that everything is about our reaction. Mine is bad, really bad. Noise is, probably, "soft" compared to others, but my reaction is pretty bad and the noise annoys me a lot, more than I can express with words. My brother has t, he doesn't suffer. My father has pretty loud t, he is happy. I'm a depressive sonofabitch which suffers a lot for a thing my family does not. This only makes me feel weak and a pussy compared to them. I compare myself to other people all the time. The only thing that alleviates me a little is writing, so here I am ranting again, again.

    To aggravate things more, living abroad, alone, does not help at all. Still, I have support from my family via skype or phone, but this is not enough.

    I miss silence a lot, I miss my old self (who was as depressive as me but at least he had peace and quietness when needed). I see no cure besides a true pharmacological, objective noise reduction and this is slowing my ""habituation"" (let me laugh loud here).

    My work does not help also. Stressful work as a researcher, lots of deadlines, work to do. I'm losing my motivation and probably will quit the job soon, although I don't have what I have to, aka I am a coward. Probably suffer a lot is better than suffer even more.

    So this is me, a self-pity, depressive grown-up man who should have a family, a work and live a normal life, instead I am thinking about my t the whole time, about how nice my old life was and how healthy people is. I know, the answer to this is to change my thinking patterns, but this is incredibly difficult and I don't have the strength to do that, so probably the best is to leave me alone.

    Updating! Feeling shittier than ever. Nobody cares, probably nobody has read this. Endless suffering, right?
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