During the first 2-6 months after the onset of T, it is normal to cry uncontrollably. This stage ought to be over before you know it.
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@Bill Bauer I also think the medicine is one reason for my huge mood swings. Prednisolon is known to cause bipolar type mood swings and I did have a large dose. Now I am tapering off. Hope it helps.
I cried a lot in the first 6 weeks or so. I cried infront of my GP and my psychologist. It's only natural, you've had a serious trauma. Hopefully the prednisone will do its thing.
@Drone Draper Thanks. I know it's ok to cry :) I just miss my music so much. It was big part of me and great way to emotionally express myself. Well, maybe someday... Thanks!
I've gone back to music now, 4 months in. Playing my acoustic. Fingers have gotten soft. You can get back to it eventually, just don't force it.
@Drone Draper I won't. And I was thinking about that in the future I will not mix my own music anymore. I've always done my own mixing, but, to save my ears, I guess its just better to pay someone to do it. I was trying to save money so I learned to do it on my own. Guess I saved at wrong place. but it's too late for what if's.
You can't blame yourself. Life happens and must be lived forward. There are people who make split second mistakes and end up losing limbs, in wheelchairs and worse. We just have to move forward. Focus on the Success stories in this forum and in real life. Things can get better.
I actually did enjoy doing the mixing. I can do my own tweaks and learn in the process. That's why I am so sad. I really did enjoy twisting all those buttons 
You are right. My mind is changing back and forth...I know it's useless to blame myself. It will eventually pass. I've done some really stupid things in my life, eventually I've forgiven myself. I am human afterall.
I feel you, man. I bought a new PRS electric guitar the weekend before T, thinking "Oh boy, I'll enjoy this!". I've played it twice and it's now collecting dust.
You have to be able to forgive yourself. It won't happen overnight, just like habituation or being able to focus on other things in life. It's a constant process that goes back and forth. Hopefully you will have low/no T and it won't even be part of your conscious thought.
@Drone Draper Thank you. Your words really help. :) Worst in this is that my family doesnt understand. "so what? Just live with it" they don't understand the way I have used my ears. They don't understand how it feels to suddenly lose your hobby like that. That saddens me the most. I feel so alone. I am lucky this website exists.
Ears to a musician is like hands to a boxer or legs for a runner. Without them, we can't do the things we love. Know the saying "fish gotta swim"? We have to create. Nietsche said "life without music would be a mistake" That's true. But also for us "life without quiet is hell".
There are a few people on this forum who have this predicament. There's a guy who had to sell his piano because it was spiking his T. Manny, Ed209 and Jazzer are all musicians, the latter two have gotten back to making music.