On the morning of May 26th, I woke up, and that day, my life ended. It was a day when I should have died, in a real sense. I've never been this hopeless until this ear problem happened to me. I was always in the mindset of "Whatever happens, I'll somehow bounce back and handle it," even in the worst situations. Whether it was losing loved ones and not being able to attend their funerals because I was abroad.
Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
Or when my mom and dad underwent transplant surgeries with life-threatening risks, or when I faced financial difficulties at various times, or when I was supporting my family through their psychological hardships—I was never caught in such a whirlpool. Anyway, I don't want to take up unnecessary space here. On the morning of May 26th, I woke up, and my life ended.
No matter how hard I try, I just feel like I'm barely hanging on, like someone who's dying. If I had the choice, I would have preferred to die on the morning of May 26th. Dying would have brought peace rather than enduring this much pain. I was living my life happily and peacefully, and then one morning I woke up, and everything changed.
You're not wasting any space at all by writing about your acute problems. In fact, it's clear that all of this is overwhelming, so it's essential that you confide in a professional.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope I can offer you some helpful advice. It's incredibly important to focus on improving one of your distressing hearing issues, and with time, it's more likely that you'll see progress.
Today, I met a colleague in the city for a drink. People can't imagine how awful all of this is. I'm usually the communicative, funny type, but right now, that's just not possible. And just because you're not visibly bleeding from the head, it's unimaginable to others.
Afterward, I felt even more depressed and went back to my endurance training. I get so out of breath that my head is buzzing, whistling, and feels like it's under pressure, as if it's taped up... but somehow, it gives me a better sense of my body.
I hope you can do something like this too, despite your surgery. It's crucial to avoid feeling even more trapped. I'm often close to tears, but somehow I can't cry anymore—I'm just too exhausted by it all.
@tomytl, I'm trying to get myself out as much as possible. The moment I step outside, the sounds start to unbalance and daze me. Most of the time, I even wear earplugs on the street or at the market. I wear them at night when necessary, but whether it's day or night, inside or outside, it doesn't matter—there's a dullness in my perception. Everything feels different: seeing, hearing, feeling.
I've never experienced this before. It started along with my ear problems. Since issues related to the inner ear are still not fully understood, doctors often attribute these conditions to psychology or anxiety, and they unnecessarily prescribe things like benzos, making the situation even worse. This is precisely why I never wanted to take an antidepressant or benzo from the beginning.
I still don't, but I also don't know where this will lead me. The problem with my perception started after I suffered damage to my auditory system. When I researched the symptoms, I found things similar to dp/dr. My experiences closely match these descriptions, but there's no definite treatment for this condition either. Now, I'm wondering if I should mention this perceptual disturbance to the doctor.
Or if it would only make things worse. One of the reasons for my hesitation is that inner ear problems are not well understood and often misinterpreted by doctors. Despite suffering an acoustic trauma, they didn't give me early-stage treatments even though I insisted—fucking NHS. I walk every morning and evening to avoid getting trapped in this chaos, but there's not a trace of the joy it used to bring me.
It's like eating my favorite meal without the spices or sauce. Yes, I'm doing the things I used to enjoy just to avoid getting stuck, but they bring me no pleasure at all—it's completely neutral. I have no expectations for the future at this point. My days are filled with physical and psychological pain. Breaking up with my girlfriend is also a great pain for me.
Normally, if it weren't for the ear problem, it wouldn't affect me this much, and if the ear problem hadn't started, we wouldn't have broken up in the first place. At 26, trying to make a living and plan for the future, having all this happen to me is really not something everyone can handle. And I can't handle it either, but at least I'm not using heavy drugs or attempting suicide. Not yet…
Before these problems, I had never taken psychotropic or anti-anxiety medications—they were completely unfamiliar to me. But after the first setback, I had no other option, and an anti-anxiety medication helped me break the negative cycle after just one dose.
Even now, I occasionally rely on them, but consciously in very low doses. However, all of this should be discussed with a trusted doctor. I've always had a deep respect for substances that can alter you—I don't drink alcohol, and I've never tried drugs in my life.
@tomytl, Which anti-anxiety medication were you using? What kind of effect does it have exactly? Was it a benzo? I think that sooner or later my life will somehow continue, even if in a bad way, but without a trace of my former peace and happiness. I don't think the medications would help with this.
Yes, your life will go on, and hopefully, mine will too. I have these same thoughts, and suddenly all of this stuff pulls me down again. But I'm convinced that it will get better with time... Of course, only slowly, but even a slight improvement can make a huge difference, as it always has before.
Ten years ago, during a severe setback when I was at my limit, my doctor prescribed Temesta. I took one, which helped me sleep and somewhat calm the chaos in my mind. After that, I only used half a tablet occasionally to help me sleep better. It also helped push my tinnitus little into the background.
Just today, I made a nice observation that I can separate different sounds better, and that the sounds on the left and right don't seem as drastically different, even though I have 40% hearing loss on the left. However, this constant pressure is completely overwhelming me.