Believe me, I know how you feel. Mine isn't nearly as loud as it was in the beginning, but it still causes me a lot of anxiety. I alternate between "I'll be fine" and "My life is ruined" every other minute. The hardest part is not knowing what the future holds. I'd be fine if I knew for a fact it would resolve and a general timeline. I try to see each night as a new chance for healing and remember that most people do recover, regardless of age or cause, even if it takes awhile. I have recovery stories taped to my doors and walls. Each day is long, but hopefully one day soon this will just be a bad memory. Keep in mind it's still early days. Many, many people don't see the first signs of recovery until after Month 6. There's still time.