- Jun 1, 2025
- 1
- Tinnitus Since
- May 14th 2025
- Cause of Tinnitus
- One 9mm Gunshot Indoor
Hey everyone, I'm 24 years old. I got my CCW in April, and I made a huge mistake. Long story short, I had a negligent discharge in the bedroom my girlfriend and I share.
It happened during what was supposed to be a dry fire drill, but I failed to check the firearm properly. I pointed in what I thought was a safe direction, but I ended up firing a 9mm hollow point into the thickest wall in the house. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and no one heard the shot or reported it. The only things hurt were my ears, my pride, and my feelings. The silence that followed was broken only by the ringing in my ears.
I have honestly never felt so dumb or embarrassed. I was doing everything I could to learn about this new hobby that I had become so passionate about. I love learning new things. I've also been in a bit of a rut lately, anxiously waiting for certain opportunities and deadlines to come so I can move forward in my career. I'm trying to shift from working at the airport to finally pursuing my dream of becoming an electrician.
I've struggled with moderate anxiety and depression in the past but have always managed to pull through tough times without needing anything more than some good weed, exercise, and walks or talks with my dogs and my girlfriend of five years.
Up until two weeks ago, I felt like I was finally gaining momentum after a couple of hard years trying to get back on my feet. But now, I feel like I lost a piece of myself, and I'm desperately trying to get it back.
After the accident, we rushed to Walmart to buy ear drops because I had muffled hearing and ringing. But as soon as an advice nurse picked up the phone, she told me to go to urgent care and skip the drops. When I went inside to tell my girlfriend, I was suddenly hit with hyperacusis. Every voice and shopping cart in the store felt like a shock to my system. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I truly believed I was going deaf and would never hear my girlfriend laugh, my dog bark, or jokes from my friends and family again. My love of music and film felt like it would be taken from me. That moment traumatized me just as much as the gunshot itself.
We went to the hospital, but I had to wait two hours before I could be seen. By that time, the muffled, underwater sensation had mostly faded. There was no pain, no leakage, and no visible damage to the eardrum, according to the doctor. Just a severe headache and high blood pressure caused by constant panic and anxiety attacks, especially at night. I tried to sleep through the pain and ringing, expecting it to go away, while my parents and loved ones downplayed the possibility of it being permanent.
The next day, I was referred to an audiologist. My hearing test came back mostly fine, with a slight dip in one ear—presumably my right. I was prescribed oral steroids for ten days, but I only managed to take them for a week. I started experiencing cramps and pain in my hands while eating and driving, along with severe panic attacks that made me feel like I might die in my sleep. My girlfriend had to hold me while I lay there in fear. I never knew one mistake could hurt this much.
Both ears have been ringing nonstop for the past three weeks, but it is much worse in the right ear. The left ear has mostly quieted down, which gives me hope. At night, I sometimes manage to drift into a semi-awake state and mentally tune out the high-pitched brassy whine I hear constantly.
Even though the right ear and the slow progress are messing with my head, I truly hope and pray that this won't become chronic. The uncertainty and grief over losing silence, coupled with having to put my dog down tomorrow, have been breaking me. I try to keep myself busy at work and stay distracted while I heal. I have had some better days with the tinnitus. But the stress and shame I feel for putting myself in this position have taken a huge mental toll.
I took an unpaid week off work and started taking Hydroxyzine just to get through the anxiety and sleep. I couldn't eat for three days or sleep for more than three to four hours during the first ten days. I was crying constantly, lying in bed under a heater or fan, hating myself.
I'm doing a little better now. I'm working my airport shifts while doubling up on ear protection for most of the time until I find a quiet room where I can hopefully tune it out or use some white noise that won't trigger my symptoms.
My girlfriend has been really supportive and reminds me that it was an accident—although a stupid one. But I know I need to forgive myself. It is hard to believe I am still normal or that I didn't change our lives forever. The idea that I may never be able to train in MMA, learn to shoot again, or be a DJ is devastating. I'm so young, and if this doesn't improve, I'm scared it will only get worse as I age.
Peace and quiet used to be what grounded me. As an only child and introvert, silence meant safety. This experience has made me realize how much I took for granted on those days when I thought I had a reason to be down. I am trying to rekindle that inner spark and return to the cheerful, positive version of myself who always believed in better days. But I won't lie—this whole thing has made me dread the future.
Any advice, support, or real talk about how to deal with this kind of situation would mean a lot. I just want to feel like myself again. Hopefully an even better version of myself—but at the very least, someone who can begin to heal. This whole process has been incredibly difficult and, at times, deeply sad. I'm hoping for the best.
It happened during what was supposed to be a dry fire drill, but I failed to check the firearm properly. I pointed in what I thought was a safe direction, but I ended up firing a 9mm hollow point into the thickest wall in the house. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and no one heard the shot or reported it. The only things hurt were my ears, my pride, and my feelings. The silence that followed was broken only by the ringing in my ears.
I have honestly never felt so dumb or embarrassed. I was doing everything I could to learn about this new hobby that I had become so passionate about. I love learning new things. I've also been in a bit of a rut lately, anxiously waiting for certain opportunities and deadlines to come so I can move forward in my career. I'm trying to shift from working at the airport to finally pursuing my dream of becoming an electrician.
I've struggled with moderate anxiety and depression in the past but have always managed to pull through tough times without needing anything more than some good weed, exercise, and walks or talks with my dogs and my girlfriend of five years.
Up until two weeks ago, I felt like I was finally gaining momentum after a couple of hard years trying to get back on my feet. But now, I feel like I lost a piece of myself, and I'm desperately trying to get it back.
After the accident, we rushed to Walmart to buy ear drops because I had muffled hearing and ringing. But as soon as an advice nurse picked up the phone, she told me to go to urgent care and skip the drops. When I went inside to tell my girlfriend, I was suddenly hit with hyperacusis. Every voice and shopping cart in the store felt like a shock to my system. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I truly believed I was going deaf and would never hear my girlfriend laugh, my dog bark, or jokes from my friends and family again. My love of music and film felt like it would be taken from me. That moment traumatized me just as much as the gunshot itself.
We went to the hospital, but I had to wait two hours before I could be seen. By that time, the muffled, underwater sensation had mostly faded. There was no pain, no leakage, and no visible damage to the eardrum, according to the doctor. Just a severe headache and high blood pressure caused by constant panic and anxiety attacks, especially at night. I tried to sleep through the pain and ringing, expecting it to go away, while my parents and loved ones downplayed the possibility of it being permanent.
The next day, I was referred to an audiologist. My hearing test came back mostly fine, with a slight dip in one ear—presumably my right. I was prescribed oral steroids for ten days, but I only managed to take them for a week. I started experiencing cramps and pain in my hands while eating and driving, along with severe panic attacks that made me feel like I might die in my sleep. My girlfriend had to hold me while I lay there in fear. I never knew one mistake could hurt this much.
Both ears have been ringing nonstop for the past three weeks, but it is much worse in the right ear. The left ear has mostly quieted down, which gives me hope. At night, I sometimes manage to drift into a semi-awake state and mentally tune out the high-pitched brassy whine I hear constantly.
Even though the right ear and the slow progress are messing with my head, I truly hope and pray that this won't become chronic. The uncertainty and grief over losing silence, coupled with having to put my dog down tomorrow, have been breaking me. I try to keep myself busy at work and stay distracted while I heal. I have had some better days with the tinnitus. But the stress and shame I feel for putting myself in this position have taken a huge mental toll.
I took an unpaid week off work and started taking Hydroxyzine just to get through the anxiety and sleep. I couldn't eat for three days or sleep for more than three to four hours during the first ten days. I was crying constantly, lying in bed under a heater or fan, hating myself.
I'm doing a little better now. I'm working my airport shifts while doubling up on ear protection for most of the time until I find a quiet room where I can hopefully tune it out or use some white noise that won't trigger my symptoms.
My girlfriend has been really supportive and reminds me that it was an accident—although a stupid one. But I know I need to forgive myself. It is hard to believe I am still normal or that I didn't change our lives forever. The idea that I may never be able to train in MMA, learn to shoot again, or be a DJ is devastating. I'm so young, and if this doesn't improve, I'm scared it will only get worse as I age.
Peace and quiet used to be what grounded me. As an only child and introvert, silence meant safety. This experience has made me realize how much I took for granted on those days when I thought I had a reason to be down. I am trying to rekindle that inner spark and return to the cheerful, positive version of myself who always believed in better days. But I won't lie—this whole thing has made me dread the future.
Any advice, support, or real talk about how to deal with this kind of situation would mean a lot. I just want to feel like myself again. Hopefully an even better version of myself—but at the very least, someone who can begin to heal. This whole process has been incredibly difficult and, at times, deeply sad. I'm hoping for the best.
