I came here about eight years ago. I was in a terrible state. I mean, I can't even fully express how bad things were in terms of anxiety and depression. It was that serious. I couldn't get out of bed—literally. My loved ones were my lifeline.
But over the past six years or so, I've been away. I've felt... well. The tinnitus never went away, but I guess I habituated. For the past three or four years, I haven't even needed sound therapy. Not that it ever masked everything—I've got three tinnitus tones, and one is at such a high frequency that it's very hard to mask (awesome!). But the earpieces did help me sleep.
I genuinely never thought I'd get to that point. There were a handful of people on this site who likely contributed to saving my life. I even received messages from others saying a private message I sent or a comment I posted helped them. This is an incredible community.
I left a success story saying—who knows—maybe I'll be back someday. But if I did return, I'd be ready.
Long story short, I took a certain medication recently, and it seems to have really spiked my anxiety. I refuse to say it increased my tinnitus. It honestly doesn't seem like it has. But I did catch myself checking for changes, putting my fingers in my ears to monitor it—which, in my opinion, is a big mistake. So I stopped myself in my tracks. Monitoring leads to a desire for control. Control leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to tinnitus worsening, and the loop continues.
Whatever it was—whether the medication itself or just the fear of side effects—something short-circuited my brain. Now it feels like I'm no longer habituated. Well, maybe I'm back to where I was when I was about 30 to 40 percent along the habituation path. If that makes sense. I'm not back at the bottom of the pit like I was, but I've returned to *caring* about the tinnitus again.
I've also had some dark thoughts—you probably know what I mean—which has made me determined not to continue the medication. It's administered weekly, and I'm supposed to take the next dose on Wednesday. I won't be taking it. I don't really want to name the medication, but you can probably guess (you know the one that half the people you know are self-injecting these days?).
I still have a decent supply of Valium from the last time I needed it. It's hard to get from a GP in my country, but I was in such bad shape back then. It's expired now—it's been that long since I used any—but I don't care. I've been taking one per day just to take the edge off and help myself keep moving forward.
Having been through this before, I feel like it's only a matter of time before I regain mental control. And that really helps. My tinnitus is stress-related, and these past two weeks have absolutely confirmed that.
Alcohol helps me. I know it doesn't help most people, but for me it does. I don't drink much, but when you're going through a rough time, anything that helps can be valuable. "Whatever gets you through the night." I'm from Ireland—people here enjoy a drink (for better or worse), so no one thinks twice if I have a couple of beers in the evening.
One of the things that has helped me over the past two weeks is seeing that this incredible community is still going strong, still supporting each other. And also, the progress in research since I last checked in! Things genuinely seem to be moving forward in ways I didn't think would happen in my lifetime. I'm in my 30s and didn't expect to see a day when we understood this condition so much better. The neurotechnology research happening in the United States is amazing.
Sorry for the long post—I'm just getting my thoughts out. This has always been the place where I've felt completely understood. No matter what kind of tinnitus you have, someone here has had the same thing and has made it through.
For those who are new to tinnitus: you *do* get better. No matter your circumstances or what kind of tinnitus you have, you can improve. I'm living proof. Even though I've returned, I had *years* of normal living, even with multi-tone, multi-frequency tinnitus. And now I'm back on the journey—but I've been down this road before, and I know how it ends.
Positivity is so important. I hope everyone here is feeling plenty of hope.
But over the past six years or so, I've been away. I've felt... well. The tinnitus never went away, but I guess I habituated. For the past three or four years, I haven't even needed sound therapy. Not that it ever masked everything—I've got three tinnitus tones, and one is at such a high frequency that it's very hard to mask (awesome!). But the earpieces did help me sleep.
I genuinely never thought I'd get to that point. There were a handful of people on this site who likely contributed to saving my life. I even received messages from others saying a private message I sent or a comment I posted helped them. This is an incredible community.
I left a success story saying—who knows—maybe I'll be back someday. But if I did return, I'd be ready.
Long story short, I took a certain medication recently, and it seems to have really spiked my anxiety. I refuse to say it increased my tinnitus. It honestly doesn't seem like it has. But I did catch myself checking for changes, putting my fingers in my ears to monitor it—which, in my opinion, is a big mistake. So I stopped myself in my tracks. Monitoring leads to a desire for control. Control leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to tinnitus worsening, and the loop continues.
Whatever it was—whether the medication itself or just the fear of side effects—something short-circuited my brain. Now it feels like I'm no longer habituated. Well, maybe I'm back to where I was when I was about 30 to 40 percent along the habituation path. If that makes sense. I'm not back at the bottom of the pit like I was, but I've returned to *caring* about the tinnitus again.
I've also had some dark thoughts—you probably know what I mean—which has made me determined not to continue the medication. It's administered weekly, and I'm supposed to take the next dose on Wednesday. I won't be taking it. I don't really want to name the medication, but you can probably guess (you know the one that half the people you know are self-injecting these days?).
I still have a decent supply of Valium from the last time I needed it. It's hard to get from a GP in my country, but I was in such bad shape back then. It's expired now—it's been that long since I used any—but I don't care. I've been taking one per day just to take the edge off and help myself keep moving forward.
Having been through this before, I feel like it's only a matter of time before I regain mental control. And that really helps. My tinnitus is stress-related, and these past two weeks have absolutely confirmed that.
Alcohol helps me. I know it doesn't help most people, but for me it does. I don't drink much, but when you're going through a rough time, anything that helps can be valuable. "Whatever gets you through the night." I'm from Ireland—people here enjoy a drink (for better or worse), so no one thinks twice if I have a couple of beers in the evening.
One of the things that has helped me over the past two weeks is seeing that this incredible community is still going strong, still supporting each other. And also, the progress in research since I last checked in! Things genuinely seem to be moving forward in ways I didn't think would happen in my lifetime. I'm in my 30s and didn't expect to see a day when we understood this condition so much better. The neurotechnology research happening in the United States is amazing.
Sorry for the long post—I'm just getting my thoughts out. This has always been the place where I've felt completely understood. No matter what kind of tinnitus you have, someone here has had the same thing and has made it through.
For those who are new to tinnitus: you *do* get better. No matter your circumstances or what kind of tinnitus you have, you can improve. I'm living proof. Even though I've returned, I had *years* of normal living, even with multi-tone, multi-frequency tinnitus. And now I'm back on the journey—but I've been down this road before, and I know how it ends.
Positivity is so important. I hope everyone here is feeling plenty of hope.
