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My T started one random day in August. I was in the middle of a bad bout of the flu when I woke up to this loud two-tone sound that seemed to come from my left ear, which would go for a few seconds then stop then start again. I initially thought nothing of it and put it down to maybe sleeping on my ear wrong or one of the electronics in my room. However, it started up again that night and I remember googling it in bed and reading all the horror stories about it.

I was wrecked. I couldn’t believe I was in my mid-twenties and have to live with this the rest of my life. The thought of never having another moment of silence was just too much and I went to some pretty dark places in my mind.

I went through the motions of seeing an audiologist who did a hearing test (came up my hearing was fine in the measured range, no evidence of hearing loss) then went and saw an ENT who essentially said nothing could be done as we didn’t even know if was ear or brain related, or a combination of the two.

My social life began to suffer. I wouldn’t hang out with my friends anymore. My work began to suffer. I spent whole work days googling stuff about T and lurking on this forum. Even my hobbies of reading and photography fell to the wayside while I went through the first few weeks of T.

Now, I don’t know what caused it but from happening every morning and evening, it went to only happening sometimes in the middle of the night, to happening once a week, to eventually the two tone toooooteeeeeeetoooooooo in my left ear just went away. The last time I heard it for sure was in September 2016.

This isn’t where my story ends, though, and after a couple of months I had become so used to anticipating my tones starting up that I actually started to intensely listen out for them. You guys know what I actually heard? Raging tinnitus!! Yup, from both ears. Loud tinnitus that sounds like a mixture of crickets, a low static hum, and a constant ring. I was also pretty sure I heard an additional whistling or breeze blowing sound coming from my trouble left ear.

But you know what? I didn’t care! I remember having heard these sounds for the longest time. It was always my version of silence. I had just never associated it with anything negative or even noticed it really.

I’ve been living with tinnitus for years before a random spike during some flu made me start paying attention to what I was hearing 24/7. This wasn’t your quiet tinnitus which is a gentle ring only audible at night in a quiet room. Nope, I hear it over everything. The TV, my headphones, driving, and yes- sitting in a quiet room. It’s actually so loud and intense that it feels like I have this pressure in my head when I listen to it in a quiet space. Like a metal bar is being pushed against the back of my head. However, I can 100% say I do not care. The only thing that occasionally ‘bothers’ me is I can’t be sure if I hear a whistling in my left ear only or if I am just imagining it. I can never be certain that it isn’t just something like an air vent or echo from something and I just am hyper aware since that is my ‘problem ear’. Sometimes I think if I could hear it in my right ear too, it would help me deal with it since there would be balance J

What I am trying to say is that I had habituated to tinnitus without even realising it. To the point that if someone had asked me a few months ago if I had tinnitus, I’d say no even though it’s been raging in my ears for years! I’d say the culprit would be loud music from headphones since that’s the worst my ears would be exposed to.

I had a milestone the other night where I did some travelling out of the country and my room didn’t have any fan or noise generator in the room. So I went to bed in a completely silent room with my T blaring but absolutely no care at all from me. I did this another night in a row. I can hear stuff in there, but I’ve gone back to not getting stressed out when I hear it.

It’s my belief that this is really important. Don’t issue yourself an ultimatum where you want it GONE. It honestly probably will never go away. What will happen is that it’ll get pushed to the back of your mind where it won’t stress you out at all. Most people I talked to or read stories from have taken for granted how helpful it is when your brain decides to harden to T. They want it GONE and get depressed when it doesn’t go away. They never really give their brains a chance to acclimate and get used to the sound.

In about four months, I’ve gone from unaware of T to extremely stressed about T to I can deal with this T to 99% of the time I am not bothered by my T. I realise it could get louder one day, or new tones could pop up which will shock my brain but I am confident that I can adjust again.

If my initial tones come back, I’ll know that it can’t hurt me and that it will pass, if it doesn’t then I will adapt like I always do. I’ve had a couple of bouts of the flu since then but it hasn’t come back so fingers crossed it stays away.

This is getting long but I just want to leave people who are new to T with some advice that really helped me-

1. Sleep. Seriously do whatever you can to get some sleep as being rested makes everything so much better. For the first few weeks of August, I had maybe three hours of sleep at night and was miserable. I used a dehumidifier in my room to add some sound and managed to get back to 6+ hours a night of sleep.

2. Stay away from T forums. This place is great for connecting but it’s also a double edged sword in that you read so much negative stories and very little positive ones. This is why I am typing all of this out so that someone going through what I did can get closure knowing it does get better. You’ll only see people at their lowest point of their lives here, either dealing with their T for the first time or having something else bothering them but only blaming T (seriously how many stories of T start with someone having anxiety and/or depression)?

3. If you can’t stay away from T forums at least limit yourself to only the success stories portion. Read maybe 2-3 a day and go on with your life. Come back to the ones that make you feel the best and read them when you’re down. But remember, the nature of things makes it so that only a minority of people will actually come back when they are better. Like if I made a topic about not being able to live with T and never posted again after I got used to it, someone else will only ever read the bad stuff.

4. Start taking care of yourself a bit more. The silver lining of this experience is that I now have a better grasp of how important having good health is. I’ve started eating healthier, hitting the gym, getting into a regular sleep pattern etc.. I still have days where I eat whatever I want without a care for my sodium intake or w/e but it doesn’t affect my T, and I think for majority of people it won’t as well.

5. Stop thinking of where it came from. Seriously, I heard all possible causes for T from noise to blood pressure to stress to sickness etc. It’s most likely noise trauma or just aging, knowing for sure though will not make it go away. See an audiologist and see an ENT to rule out anything life-threatening and then don’t see anyone else. I can’t see how acupuncture, head massages, or the thousands of pills and supplements you can take will ever help. Time is the great healer.

6. Finally, take care of your ears! I invested in a pair of Bose noise cancelling headphones and have added a volume limit to my phone. Both to make sure I don’t have to crank my volume up to high. I also sometimes carry ear plugs, but lately I’ve been leaving them in a cupboard since I find myself thinking about T every time I pick them up so I’ve stopped carrying them unless I know I’m going somewhere noisy. However, I’ve been in bars and pubs with some loudish music and yelling people and haven’t had any negative impact when I don’t plug my ears. If I am going to a music festival or standing next to some speakers or something really loud, I'll plug up.

Really hope this has helped someone. I think I’m ready to walk away from this forum and try to put this all behind me. I’ll be back to answer questions occasionally but I’ve got my fingers crossed that I never need to make another topic here!

Thank you to the mods and admins for running a great site. Thank you to all the members who really take time out of their day to talk to newbies going through the struggle.

 

I like the mindset. Good stuff.
While I was reading your positive post, I noticed my T dropping. I strongly believe neurotransmitters in the brain can improve or worsen T. If my brain is constantly cortisol fueled, no way it will let go of the "danger" called T.

 

Yes, thank you for the post..I think I'm starting to experience serious habituation..finally..but still really want it gone..so I will have to try and accept it..and hopefully it will get even more habituated...which is technically like having it gone..)

 

That's great news! I think if I sat down and thought about it, my reaction to T is what really distressed me. When you habituate, you no longer have that reaction ergo your T is as good as gone!