Feeling Hopeless with Noise-Induced Tinnitus 7-8 Months In

Discussion in 'Support' started by magiccat, Apr 15, 2019.

    1. magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      Boy these past 7.5 months have been long... still counting the days although I know I shouldn't. This condition is incredibly hard to handle for me. I try to get out and meet friends and I manage to, but it still limits me from a lot of social activities, like going to pubs and so on... but the hardest part is waking up EVERY single day to this goddamn ringing/buzzing/static electric sound and hearing it throughout the day. It is so depressing.

      My ringing is super high pitched, loud buzzing in my head and both ears, although left is the worst one. What does it mean that it is high-pitched? Is it because higher frequency hair cells have been destroyed? My hearing is fine within the range checked by the doctors, but I assume I have hearing loss in the higher frequencies... sometimes the tinnitus on the left ear goes up so incredibly much I'm like "it can't get any louder".

      Just want my life back.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
    2. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I think mine is high pitched and loud, too. I also sometimes think it is 'too high' and get depressed when people tell me 'I will get used to it.'

      I have some hearing loss show up on the audiogram.

      I don't know how to deal with this and I wonder if suicide might be my only option.
       
    3. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      I feel you.

      I am pretty much on the same boat as you are, I want my old life back!

      My T started 1.5 years ago and this beast is still here.

      I think it has come to a point where we have to accept that we may not get all of our old life back. But You can for sure get 80% to 90% of your life back. I mean, some of the things will be different like for me, listening to music will never be the Same for example. But you can still go out and enjoy life to it’s full potential for other things.

      There’s also hope coming because there may be treatment available to us soon that may give some of us relief or even cure. There’s a device coming out called mute button that sounds very promising. Go to the treatment section to check it out.
       
    4. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      I used to think suicide is the only option too but stay strong and you can get thru it like I did. T can be very annoying when u put all your attention to it but slowly and surely it will get better and eventually you will not care about it as much. Although I am not one of those who habituated and but I can tell you it gets better everyday.
       
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      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    5. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      I feel the same, it is so annoying when its so high pitched.

      You will get over the suicide part. In the beginning my thoughts wandered dark places but that has gotten a lot better naturally. Yours is also very new, anything can happen :)
       
    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      I agree. I mean, a lot of things I am fine to give up. I have gone to many concerts already and after this experience I don't feel for it anymore. I just want a happy life.

      How loud is yours? Is it both ears?
       
    7. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      It’s very hard to say how loud but when it’s loud, nothing can mask it. The T seems to just compete with the volume of the masking. When you turn it louder, it gets louder too. But it is on a somewhat predictable cycle. 2 days loud, 2 days medium volume and then 1-2 days at barely noticeable volume. Both ears. I have hyperacusis as well where my ears hurt when listening to music.

      Obviously the medium days are easier to live with and the low T days I can be normal again. I am really thankful for that despite the bad days that can be hard to deal with.

      I didn’t start out this way though. When I first started, the loud days can stay for 4 days and there’s only May be one full day of relatively low T. I am again thankful that over time, it does get better.

      But the thing is, when it’s loud, it’s loud. The loudest days seem to never go down in volume in the past 1.5 years. It’s just that I get more days of relatively quietness where I can manage my life better.
       
    8. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      I see, but reading your post it seems like you have had a positive trend even though its been a small and slow improvement? And that is really good right? I am thinking that possibly you will have more and more days of relatively quietness and less loud days? T seems to really take its time....
      How did you get your T?
       
    9. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      It’s still relatively unknown how I got my T initially. I went to a loud concert but the T didn’t materialize until a few months later. So I really cannot say that it’s definitely the cause. However, when the T first showed up, it was relatively mild and it can disappear from time to time .

      I would give anything to get back to those days!

      But when my T first showed up, I thought the reason for it to be there is because of ear wax build up. As a result, I cleaned my ears by using warm water to flush the wax out. Yes, I did use vinegar and baby oil to soften the wax before doing that. But I can tell u, this is where the nightmare started! After flushing, I went into two weeks of muffled hearing and unbearable High pitch T and buzzing at the same time.

      At that time, I still wasn’t sure what happened and thought that was just a very slow healing period and may be there’s water trapped behind the ear drum or something. So I didn’t panic.

      Eventually I thought I was healing because the volume slowly decreased to a point where I didn’t notice it on a day. I felt so happy and thought this is how it cleared up by itself.

      But then the next day, the loud T starts back up and then this predictable cycle started till this day.
       
    10. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      Yeah. The trend is overall positive But the improvement is very slow. The ears can take a very long time to heal from what I read but you will feel better in time.

      I have had weeks of relapse where the cycle got back to my onset level but after a couple of weeks it came back to kinda of an equilibrium and again I feel better. It is hard not to go back to the negative thoughts when this happens but I realize that this set back is normal for us tinnitus sufferers.
       
    11. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      Ahh I see, hmm I wonder what caused yours then. Did you use earplugs at that concert? Mine came like a BANG after my acoustic trauma. It also feels strange that you could harm your ears by removing wax! Your muffled hearing came back to normal? As I have understood, the tinnitus will decrease when the hearing loss is restored, but I wonder how long it takes between getting hearing back and the tinnitus decreasing..

      Feels like yours has been going back and forth a lot, hope it can back off for good soon

      Thanks for you encouragement, I am trying to be patient. I have also had a couple of setbacks, its horrible, but as you say, they normally go back to normal. Unfortunately, my normal is still quite loud.... having hope!
       
    12. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      I didn’t use ear plugs at the concert. Stupid stupid me.

      Using water to flush out ear wax is a risky procedure imo for T sufferers. I know I have read a few people here who has gotten T worsen after the procedure. I have done this procedure twice in my life and the first time i was fine after. But the second time I was not. I have a feeling that T will get worse when you have T to begin with. If you don’t have T, flushing is ok I guess.

      My hearing did not come back to normal, even to this date. I still hear high frequency distortion when I listen to music (especially the sibilance, “s” sounds)But it seems to be getting better again very very slowly. I must have really hurt my ears after flushing them.
       
    13. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Maybe I didn't explain it enough? :-(

      It's very loud and intrusive. I have trouble sleeping. I only get 5 to 6 hours if I am lucky. I wonder about suicide every day although I am scared of death. But, my ears get inflamed by ear plugs and the ear muffs I have caused ear pain to my left ear.

      I had to lose my job and now I am on a low income that will get lower. My immediate family is small. I don't have much support. I live in a noisy neighborhood and can't move since I can't afford to. I own a dog and she is my world now but I almost cry because I cannot walk her where she wants because it's too noisy.

      My t is so loud and piercing at times (often) that I think I have no choice but to suicide eventually. I feel abnormal and not just disabled but that I am suffering alone. Our condition is invisible but no one can help anyway.

      We can go to therapy and talk about habituating but the previous life is over. Treatments and potential cures are all guesses and uncertainties that seem so far away. What if the only 'treatment' that would mean anything to me is full or near full elimination of my tinnitus? This is so up in the air
      Trials, holdups by the FDA and waiting years while suffering? Every day you are hoping some chance event doesn't happen to you that makes it even worse. It's no way to live.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    14. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      I know it’s hard to believe but if you hang in there you will get better. Not saying that this living hell is gonna go away but you will either fear it a lot less, or it really is gonna get better. I read that a lot of people can recover by a lot in the first 1.5 years to 2 years from their onset of tinnitus. I read that you are in your second month so the healing should be taking place.
       
    15. JasonP
      No Mood

      JasonP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2006
      Ask for a free hearing test and a free trial for hearing aids (that have maskers) at a local hearing place. I have an older pair of Siemens hearing aids that really have helped me. They amplify the external sound which can mask some of my ringing. Also, the maskers can help if the ringing bothers me.
       
    16. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      I am genuinely so sorry for what you are going through. My experience is similar, after getting also really severe tinnitus in september my whole life was turned up side down. I quit school, went home to live with my parents for 5 months and did not function AT ALL. I have never struggled with depression or anxiety panic attacks, and during the first 5 months I had them constantly, even had to go to the psychiatric clinic twice. It was a horrible horrible time, and I could not have had handled any job, so I understand that part must be very difficult for you. But here I am, still tinnitus and I have moved back to my apartment and started school again, still struggling but I am a whole new person anyway. Its like night and day. Things will get better for you, it took me 6 months to function again and that is normal, tinnitus can be traumatizing. You feel like your fighting and fighting and it gets you nowhere, but you will improve, it just takes a loong time.

      I am not the one to say "don't over protect" because I walked around with my ear defenders for the first 6 months, scared to death. But follow your gut of when you have to protect yourself and remember that everyday sound does not harm you. You will figure that out with time. In the beginning when I used ear plugs all the time (even at home at our quiet home at the country lol) it also irritated my ear. I used ear-oil which i bought at the pharmacy to calm the ears down and tried not to use ear plugs in normal situations.

      From my own traumatic experience - things get better.
       
    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      You couldn't have known. We make mistakes and like someone said "if you would go and do it again, that would be stupid". So don't beat yourself up for it. One good thing is I have warned all of my friends, and they now wear earplugs at clubs, i'm proud of that! haha

      Wow, i didn't know flushing your ears could cause damage like that! I have done it like a trillion times before I got T (of noise) but as you say, people with T might be more fragile.

      Great to hear it might be getting better and better slowly. Hope it continues to improve.

      Im a bit sad because the other day my T was actually very low throughout the day and I was like "IS IT IMPROVING?" but now its back to severe again..
       
      • Like Like x 1
    18. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Have you experienced any fading compared to 3-4 months ago?
       
    19. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      Some sounds in my right ear has actually faded or changed but its my very loud high-pitched head buzz that has always been the problem and that one is still there full force.. The left ear is the worst, it gets so loud at times it feels like someone is sawing into my ear so its super hard to ignore.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    20. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      Yeah same here. My T can get to very low volume such that it doesn't bother me anymore. Initially I got all excited when the volume is reduced and then the next day I was miserable again because a good day usually is followed by a return to full volume. But as time passes, you will be able to minimize such emotional roller coaster because you know what's gonna happen and you will be ready for it.
       
    21. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      Yeah true. How long did it take for you before you got these random days of "good" (quiet) T? Did you have those days from the beginning or did it take like a year?
       
    22. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      For the first 8 months I would say for every 4 days of loud tinnitus, I get 1/2 day to 1 full day of quieter tinnitus. usually the good day started well and then spikes back up after dinner.

      But then things changed for the better I would say. In around the 8 month to around the one year mark, I could get 2 good days after around 2 very loud days (with pain in ears and fullness and reactive responses where tinnitus gets worse when watching TV for example) and 2 bearable days (tinnitus is there but no pain, no fullness but TV still causes spikes).

      Recently, I think I have gotten one cycle of 3 good days and seems to have observed a general reduction of volume in my day 3s and 4s (not sure if this is in my head). However as I have said in my other post, the very loud days remain the same volume wise compare to the time of onset.

      Interesting thing is, with naps, I can sometimes disrupt these "cycles" but only during the quiet days. This means that I can take a nap and my quiet day is gone and it immediately resets it to be the super loud day.
       
    23. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      This condition is really both terrible and fascinating at the same time... i've never heard of "cycles" like that, interesting! Still, good to hear its a positive trend. But hoping for your "loud" days to calm down.

      I am getting closer to my 8 month mark, im hoping for a change for the better as well!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    24. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      Just believe you will get better like a lot of us here did. Don’t give up hope!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    25. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      magiccat

      magiccat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noice Induced
      I have a question though, since my acoustic trauma I have been taking Citalopram (citopram) because I was so depressed at first. I asked my doctor "can i really take this? I have heard others gotten tinnitus by SSRI anti-depressive, specially citalopram. But he was like "There is no risk, I have given my patients that for tinnitus 25 years back".

      Is there any chance my tinnitus getting worse by SSRI such as Citalopram? I have been taking it for 6 months and think I am gonna stop soon anyways..
       

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