Hello.
First, to anyone that actually reads this rather long-winded post, thank you.
I am new here and really just looking for people going through this maddening affliction like me. I am 40 years old and my entire life I have been healthy as a horse. I spent many years as a Zen Buddhist, many more teaching and study traditional Chinese Kung Fu. I have also have extensive mental therapy to deal with PTSD. Needless to say, I have several routes I have used to quiet my mind. None of which help me now that I have T.
My oldest son (from my first marriage, I have full custody) is 12 and profoundly disabled, both physically and mentally. He is 100% care all the time, I am an at home Dad, I do deliver pizzas 1-2 nights a week just to get out of the house and preserve my sanity. My wife supports our entire family, much to her credit. Luckily our house and vehicles are paid off.
My youngest turns 1 next month and is the complete polar opposite of his brother. By that I mean, he is excelling at everything and shows signs of being "advanced" in every way.We decided when he was born it was best for me to stay home with the boys, for a couple reasons. No daycare will watch my oldest and we prefer our youngest be raised by us and not family/daycare. I am generally a calm, energetic, healthy person, capable of dealing with stress with a high level of patience that my life has taught me.
Upon reading all that it may seem extraneous. I am merely trying to establish a background for what I am about to say.
When Jaden (youngest) was born I was urged to get a Flu shot and Whooping Cough( Getting the latter actually made perfect sense to me). I have never had a Flu Shot in my entire life. Logically they seemed pointless to me as the strain mutates so often. But, given my oldest and his history I was willing to take any precaution for Jaden. Directly after that shot, by that I mean immediately. I got sicker than I have been in my entire life. That is also when my T started.
Since then (a year or so), I have been sick more times than I can count. And more times than I have in 10 years. Typical colds, crazy powerful chest pains (I went to the ER, stayed overnight and had my heart and lungs given the okay), massive heartburn, migraines, neck pain, sinus infections...etc. etc. All with my T fluctuating but eventually getting worse. I have been prescribed more pills, nose sprays and garbage pharmaceuticals than I can remember. Some of which I just trashed after a certain point out of frustration. None of them have offered any relief.
I only have it in my left ear, I had an audiology exam done and have been seeing an ENT for about 6 months. The conclusion was "It is what is, you will have to learn to live with it." My estimation puts my hearing loss close to 2/3 gone in that ear. It is difficult to sleep, something I am used to as I am an insomniac. But in the past I managed to get to sleep by quieting my over active mind.(I am quite ridiculous really. Last night I laid in bed describing to my wife for over an hour how all of reality is actually nothingness that contains everything, but is still nothing. I will leave that description at that, before I go on and on. She passed out, as she often does. My voice lulls her off to sleep most nights. This is typical fodder for my inner dialog, that I share with only her) Nothing works anymore.
The constant noise in my left ear is so loud at times it is as if 1000 seashells are all vomiting their false ocean sounds into my cranium at once. It is maddening, which to a person like me that has always had total control over his mind, also very disconcerting. I am agitated all the time. For about 5 years I have held my PTSD in check, about two months ago I went off like a grenade with a pulled pin at a job I work 1-2 days at. For something so benign and inane it was silly. I blame my T for that as I am constantly irritated when I am away from my family. Even with really good insurance we have spent close to $2500 in co-pays and random non-covered tests to find out there is nothing I can do.
I just cannot except that conclusion. All these random and odd illnesses make me feel my body is trying to tell me something and support Dr. Google's (as I have come to call it) assertion that T is a systematic disease onset by one or several other things. I am completely disgusted with any doctor at this point, after only one year. They seem to only be a business and really could care less if you get better.
Again, thank you if you actually made it through all of this. I look forward to reading all I can on these forums.
First, to anyone that actually reads this rather long-winded post, thank you.
I am new here and really just looking for people going through this maddening affliction like me. I am 40 years old and my entire life I have been healthy as a horse. I spent many years as a Zen Buddhist, many more teaching and study traditional Chinese Kung Fu. I have also have extensive mental therapy to deal with PTSD. Needless to say, I have several routes I have used to quiet my mind. None of which help me now that I have T.
My oldest son (from my first marriage, I have full custody) is 12 and profoundly disabled, both physically and mentally. He is 100% care all the time, I am an at home Dad, I do deliver pizzas 1-2 nights a week just to get out of the house and preserve my sanity. My wife supports our entire family, much to her credit. Luckily our house and vehicles are paid off.
My youngest turns 1 next month and is the complete polar opposite of his brother. By that I mean, he is excelling at everything and shows signs of being "advanced" in every way.We decided when he was born it was best for me to stay home with the boys, for a couple reasons. No daycare will watch my oldest and we prefer our youngest be raised by us and not family/daycare. I am generally a calm, energetic, healthy person, capable of dealing with stress with a high level of patience that my life has taught me.
Upon reading all that it may seem extraneous. I am merely trying to establish a background for what I am about to say.
When Jaden (youngest) was born I was urged to get a Flu shot and Whooping Cough( Getting the latter actually made perfect sense to me). I have never had a Flu Shot in my entire life. Logically they seemed pointless to me as the strain mutates so often. But, given my oldest and his history I was willing to take any precaution for Jaden. Directly after that shot, by that I mean immediately. I got sicker than I have been in my entire life. That is also when my T started.
Since then (a year or so), I have been sick more times than I can count. And more times than I have in 10 years. Typical colds, crazy powerful chest pains (I went to the ER, stayed overnight and had my heart and lungs given the okay), massive heartburn, migraines, neck pain, sinus infections...etc. etc. All with my T fluctuating but eventually getting worse. I have been prescribed more pills, nose sprays and garbage pharmaceuticals than I can remember. Some of which I just trashed after a certain point out of frustration. None of them have offered any relief.
I only have it in my left ear, I had an audiology exam done and have been seeing an ENT for about 6 months. The conclusion was "It is what is, you will have to learn to live with it." My estimation puts my hearing loss close to 2/3 gone in that ear. It is difficult to sleep, something I am used to as I am an insomniac. But in the past I managed to get to sleep by quieting my over active mind.(I am quite ridiculous really. Last night I laid in bed describing to my wife for over an hour how all of reality is actually nothingness that contains everything, but is still nothing. I will leave that description at that, before I go on and on. She passed out, as she often does. My voice lulls her off to sleep most nights. This is typical fodder for my inner dialog, that I share with only her) Nothing works anymore.
The constant noise in my left ear is so loud at times it is as if 1000 seashells are all vomiting their false ocean sounds into my cranium at once. It is maddening, which to a person like me that has always had total control over his mind, also very disconcerting. I am agitated all the time. For about 5 years I have held my PTSD in check, about two months ago I went off like a grenade with a pulled pin at a job I work 1-2 days at. For something so benign and inane it was silly. I blame my T for that as I am constantly irritated when I am away from my family. Even with really good insurance we have spent close to $2500 in co-pays and random non-covered tests to find out there is nothing I can do.
I just cannot except that conclusion. All these random and odd illnesses make me feel my body is trying to tell me something and support Dr. Google's (as I have come to call it) assertion that T is a systematic disease onset by one or several other things. I am completely disgusted with any doctor at this point, after only one year. They seem to only be a business and really could care less if you get better.
Again, thank you if you actually made it through all of this. I look forward to reading all I can on these forums.
Member
