Good Days...Bad Days

Discussion in 'Support' started by Nich, Jul 24, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Nich
      Batty

      Nich Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Arkansas
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2014
      So Sunday I barely heard my T all day. Monday was a normal 'it's there, I hear it most of the time and it's annoying' day. Tuesday and Wednesday it was there, but quieter like it was when it first started. Amazingly, my mind just blocked it for large portions of the day. When I thought about it, it was there but otherwise it was gone. It was so awesome.

      Then after being baited with several good days, today its screaming loud again. I agree with what some others say. If this thing was more consistent it would be much easier to get used to. It would be easier to stop being reactive to it and letting it cause me anxiety. Today is 6 weeks since it started. And, I'm kinda angry. Just angry that i have anxiety where it wasn't there before. Angry that I don't sleep great anymore (and have nightmares all the time from the anxiety). Angry that I'm tired a lot from decreased quality sleep and anxiety. Angry that I can't drink caffeine or alcohol because of the anxiety and T spikes, respectively. Angry that I'm always somewhat sick at my stomach because of the anxiety. Angry that everything is harder. I guess I'm coming to the realization that the way i'm living is my new normal, at least for a while. Most days I seem to cope with that ok. Today I'm just angry. Things are still way better than 6 weeks ago but I just miss my old life. I still think with time I'll habituate (the fact that I'm already habituating to the less intense T seems really promising...this is probably happening because on low days I don't have anxiety about my T). I still think that like most anxiety/panic triggers my mind will at some point get tired of this signal and stop reacting to it. But, this first month and a half have been really suckey. Sorry to vent, but everyone else in my life looks and me and they don't really see that anything has changed. I still seem the same. Even though they are really supportive they just can't understand how miserable some days with T can be.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    2. ampumpkin
      Amused

      ampumpkin Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Montreal
      Tinnitus Since:
      Onset: 12/2007 Increase: 04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2007: Meds(Antidepressant) 2014: Meds(Antibiotics)
      Hello,

      I feel like the onset of T is like a bad break up... you go throught different phases, disbelief, sadness, anger, then back and forth until you walk your way towards acceptance. The good news is that after only 6 weeks, you are already on the road to acceptance. I'm not saying that acceptance fixes everything. It does not. But it helps when you're trying to live a normal life. And it will bring you closer to habituation...

      hugs :)
       
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      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. Carlos1

      Carlos1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Boston
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Root Canal
      Nich that's the hardest part for me my T varies from very low to very high. I sometimes go 3 - 4 days with low T and think that maybe I can get use to this T beast and then it gets really high and I feel like I'm back to square one. I keep telling myself on those high T days that the low ones are soon to follow. I find myself being very appreciative of what ever life brings me on those low T days. God Bless stay strong
       
      • Like Like x 1
    4. MichaelM
      Chatty

      MichaelM Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      mild since ´90 ´s. severe ->2013 on
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere´s Disease/acoustic trauma?
      After almost 15 years with T i cannot say that i have habituated. but I am still alive and kicking. When my T started i thought it was bad, i felt the feelings you describe. Little did I know what life had planned for me and my ear. Loneliness especially is always with me. I am alone with my tinnitus. It is sometimes a devastating feeling.

      After I got diagnosed with Meniere´s disease the sounds changed and new ones appeared and the volume nowadays is something i find hard to believe when i wake up and realize it..
      Stay strong. Find someone who understand, we do exist.
       
      • Hug Hug x 4
    5. Nich
      Batty

      Nich Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Arkansas
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2014
      Thank you all. I hate to complain, especially when some on this forum have tremendously worse problems than me. I stay positive most of the time but today has just been crappy. Hopefully it will get better!

      I went for a walk at lunch and gave myself a pep talk, "it's only a sound...it only has as much power as you feed it". Got me calmed down a little. Maybe the rest of the day will be better.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    6. Carlos1

      Carlos1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Boston
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Root Canal
      Nich your not complaining your just like the rest of us we come here for advice and to share our experiences that T brings us....Keep posting we're all here to help each other ...god bless
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    7. Nich
      Batty

      Nich Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Arkansas
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2014
      @ampumpkin If I could just stop reacting to it my life would be so much better. What's funny is that the original level of the T that caused me such tremendous panic and anxiety the first couple of weeks (before it went up a bit) is now what my mind is habituating too when I have low days.

      A big portion of what gets me on loud/intrusive days is the actual sound itself. It's high pitched and piercing like a dog whistle or something. And, I do pretty good for a few hours. But as the day drags on it just grates me more and more and more and makes it harder to concentrate and focus. As it bothers me more it moves to the front of my thinking and I perceive it as louder. Then the anxiety occurs because I fear it's interfering with my work. And, if it's a lucky day then the catastrophic thoughts enter and panic ensues. I seem to have about one day a week like this where despite my best effort I just become a reactive pile of crazy. I finally took a klonopin. Made the sound about 1/3rd to 1/4th as intrusive and I'm doing better. I'm telling ya, the loudness of my T is DIRECTLY related to how much anxiety I have about it that day. I HAVE to learn to stop emotionally reacting to it.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    8. Nich
      Batty

      Nich Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Arkansas
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2014
      I'm doing better. Klonopin, talking to my sis and husband, some food and a calm house have helped :)

      I had to diagnose some young people with some terrible things today too. And my other cases were very frustrating. I think some of that got to me.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1

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