Good Days...Bad Days

So Sunday I barely heard my tinnitus all day. Monday was a normal 'it's there, I hear it most of the time and it's annoying' day. Tuesday and Wednesday it was there, but quieter like it was when it first started. Amazingly, my mind just blocked it for large portions of the day. When I thought about it, it was there but otherwise it was gone. It was so awesome.

Then after being baited with several good days, today it's screaming loud again. I agree with what some others say, if this thing was more consistent it would be much easier to get used to. It would be easier to stop being reactive to it and letting it cause me anxiety.

Today is 6 weeks since it started. And, I'm kinda angry. Just angry that I have anxiety where it wasn't there before. Angry that I don't sleep great anymore (and have nightmares all the time from the anxiety). Angry that I'm tired a lot from decreased quality sleep and anxiety. Angry that I can't drink caffeine or alcohol because of the anxiety and tinnitus spikes, respectively. Angry that I'm always somewhat sick at my stomach because of the anxiety. Angry that everything is harder. I guess I'm coming to the realization that the way I'm living is my new normal, at least for a while. Most days I seem to cope with that ok. Today I'm just angry.

Things are still way better than 6 weeks ago but I just miss my old life. I still think with time I'll habituate (the fact that I'm already habituating to the less intense tinnitus seems really promising... this is probably happening because on low days I don't have anxiety about my tinnitus). I still think that like most anxiety/panic triggers my mind will at some point get tired of this signal and stop reacting to it. But, this first month and a half have been really suckey.

Sorry to vent, but everyone else in my life looks and me and they don't really see that anything has changed. I still seem the same. Even though they are really supportive they just can't understand how miserable some days with tinnitus can be.

 

I'm doing better. Klonopin, talking to my sis and husband, some food and a calm house have helped

I had to diagnose some young people with some terrible things today too. And my other cases were very frustrating. I think some of that got to me.

 

I wanted to revive this topic if bad days and good days to see whether what @Nich is describing here resonates with anyone.

I too have bad days and good days. Very often, what noise level and quality I wake up to is what I get for the whole day. It's quite anxiety-inducing because I don't know what I'll get on any given day.

On a bad day, I get something like a 4 to 8 out of 10 (I rarely get a full 10 these days, perhaps that's a bit of habituation). On these days, I can bear it for a few hours, then it starts to get to me. I've recently started taking Gabapentin, and I'm having a positive reaction to it. It seems to take the edge off quite a bit.

On a good day, I get something lower that is more manageable, and I feel more normal.

Occasionally, I get served an exceptionally good day. This happens like 1-2 days a week. On these days, it's like a 0.5 out of 10 or lower. Man, these days are the best. The only thing I perceive is reactive tinnitus (like being at a park makes it go bonkers, but it settles down quickly when I go somewhere quiet).

Does anyone else have good and bad days? What are your good and bad days like, and what is your disposition experiencing this kind of variability?