Having a Really Hard Time

I'm not coping, and last night was bad. Had a breakdown in front of my husband - and while I'm glad he was there, he hates not being able to help me

My high pitched ringing T is hard enough to deal with, but now I also have a low humming sound that actually masks the high pitched ringing. It sounds like a fridge/dishwasher or other electrical appliance.

It feels like my whole head is vibrating and makes me feel so claustrophobic because I just can't get away from it.

What did I do to bring on this new noise? This all just feels very cruel and like a kick in the stomach (I know you all know what I mean!)

The thought of this forever, intruding on my life and hearing it all the time is more then depressing. It's an excruciating thought

Sorry guys, I just needed to get it out to people who will understand xxx

 

Hey @Amelia.

Understand exactly what you mean, had one not too long back with my girlfriend, she's never seen me cry before during the 7 years we've been together & she felt & still feels so helpless

That noise is so familiar to me, mine started of as your 'stand' T & while I was trying to get used to that I got that same noise you have right now, or there abouts, like a washing machine mixed with a tv static, I thought I was going insane! My first thoughts were something like a brain tumor or something, made worse because my dad passed away with it a few years ago.

After a while though it slowly went away! I did plenty of running & lots of baths, whether that was a coincidence or not I don't know. Still, I reckon it's very much stress related because I've had it only a few times after & they were during my break down moments.

Keep strong, try & relax as much as possible, cry as much as you want (I feel so much better after a cry ^_^ all these years I've been missing out!) & throw out all your stresses here, I'll be more than happy to relate

 

Just remember things could be a lot worse. Little consolation I know, but sometimes that is the only way to be able to handle this "condition". I have had a very loud day between my ears, and it has had me gritting my teeth, but I still try a block it out as best I can . Mine is a multi-toned T, that is also reactive, and comes with a splash of hyperacusis . Have been on the edge many times in the last 7 months, with the little man sitting on my shoulder saying jump. And I've actually thought of jumping, because this is just a whole lot of stuff to deal with on a 24/7 basis. But I have been able to hang on because of my wife, who actually quit her job to stay with me, and help me deal with this "condition". I have to say I' m doing ever so slightly better accepting the realities of the situation, which is not to say I' m a happy camper, but I'm hanging. And I am always looking for new techniques, trials, approaches, and just any information that might help me and the rest of us along. Tinnitus Talk has given me an opportunity to share and learn from others with this condition. I might suggest you check out the thread called ,"Back to Silence". There is some interesting stuff there posted by "I Who Love Music" and "Silvine". It might distract you from you pain just a bit. Just hang in there, distract your mind anyway you can, and praying does help (if you have that inclination ). And as a last thought your husband can help by staying by your side, and comforting you, that's what helped me through my ruff times. There's lots of folks out here just like you. Mick

 

@Amelia

Just yesterday I cried in front of my wife. And she says that she cannot help me, which makes us even more desperate. My wife even thinks that T will not kill me, but her cancer could kill her. Of course she is right.

So trust me, this is similar for many here. We want to be healthy again, not only for ourselves, but even more for our loved ones.

My wife luckily says that although she of course would like having a smiling husband again, her life is ok. Things will get better. It just takes a long time.

 

Thanks. I know things could be worse (which is something I said to my husband last night) but for me I can't cope with the permenance of it and the changing nature of it. The what ifs are eating me alive.

 

Amelia, everything in life is for a reason, and there are times (actually a lot of times ) when we can't discern the reason. I personally was pretty hollow inside. Why, because I could be isolated from everyone and everything and was very content being that way. Problem was, I have a beautiful family that I was blind to the amount of love they were trying to give me, and I was too preoccupied with me to reach out to them. So I guess my condition was brought on by inability to return that love. The love you take is equal to the love you make, right. I have been changed by this in an incredibly positive way. Yes, a hard way to learn a lesson, but necessary I suppose. I look at people and things in a whole new light, while my head right now is hissing like a tire going flat at about a 9 on the Richter scale.

 

No need to be sorry. We all understand. I Try to avoid the rest of my life part with T. It just makes it harder.
I hope some days are quieter for you.
The holidays make it harder for me. Hard to be cheerful when we are so upset with this noise.
But as we move on with it, hopefully the acceptance and learning to live with it will be easier.
I hope you find strength and love wherever you are.

 

Kopesy, how many baths did you have to take to rid yourself of the plague? I've got the water running in my tub as I type. Mick

 

Haha As much as possible my friend! I think the combination of the steam & the way it relaxed the muscles in my neck was the reason it helped so much, even to this day when I bath I notice my T go down

 

Hi Amelia, Those "what if's" are horrible. I used to think the same way. Now I say to myself "Even If" this happens I will get through it. When you replace "What" with "Even" you will see a change for the better in yourself.

 

Amelia I'm in agreement with Karen ,the anxiety is the worst thing dealing with T ,no matter what your thinking about the noise ,that deep fear of it lingered ,still does to this very day .Its the constant changes in noise ,like your having .You just pray the next day will be a coping day .Ive had a few days I've thought long and hard at How do I cope ,but I do as you will ,this time next Saturday ,I'll think as I always do ,Got through another week .
I try to just deal with the day I'm in ,it's hard ,you know only to well you do it ,my husband 30 yr T ,but mines so different to his noise wise ,so he to sees me struggle .Just wish I could quick fix the lot of us ,No one deserves this misery no one .
Hope yours settles .best come here and tell us ,can't get rid of it ,but always here ,but you know that to .
Try and get some more sleep time in ,best if you can. It tires me out when it's playing up .Heart goes out to you Big hug from me to xxx