How to keep composing and enjoying music?

Discussion in 'Support' started by sword&shield, May 4, 2013.

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    1. sword&shield

      sword&shield Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      In about 2-3 days I'll be leaving for Germany, in order to attend a symphonic concert I've been eagerly looking forward to, for quite a long time. It's supposed to be a very intense and captivating experience for me, both as a (very amateur) composer and as an enthusiast of this genre, this style and especially these authors.

      So, it would be literally something filled to the brim with expectations and the most genuine inspiration... if it weren't for this unfathomable mark that occurred to my ears.

      Lately I feel like all of my musical passions, which I always strived for so honestly and which led me to so many amazing artistic discoveries, is being drained of its force by this noise.

      It's not the buzzing, the ringing, the tone in themselves. It's the fact that it all happened suddenly, with no legitimate causes to be associated with it and, worst of all, carrying the constant fear of it worsening more and more over time.

      Of course I try to enhance my confidence every now and then, reassuring myself that it may fade away as unexpectedly as it appeared. I try to keep composing and just ignore whatever anomaly in my auditory perception. I even suggested so to another user, right on these very boards. But right now, can I predict whether in one, two, twenty years it will improve or exacerbate me further? No, I'm completely clueless about everything and it's this that's ultimately driving me on the verge of this nihilism.

      Sometimes I really can't bring myself to work on my compositions with my beloved headphones, because in all honesty I keep noticing the sound, even though feeble and weak. I'm taking some Gingko biloba and some vitamins, with no perceived effect so far.

      I just wish I could fearlessly and completely enjoy music again.
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