Life Isn't the Same

Since onset 4 months ago, I thought I was making progress. My T had lowered in volume and my quality of sleep had greatly improved. Now it's only taken me two nights of bad sleep to realise the T monster can creep up behind you at any time. I don't want to socialise , I can't be bothered going to work, what is my future going to be like ? I don't want to exercise for fear it might get worse , I'm afraid to go snowboarding for fear I may my neck more and make it worse . Life just isn't the same. Why does T even exist..

 

I hear you, I have similar thoughts and 5 months after the onset I am. Living in constant fear. I want to socialise and work though, jut in relative silence. The fact that human beings must make so much noise all around all the time pisses me off. I can visit people at home or go to restaurants, that's all. I myself don't put myself in danger of acoustic traumas, but others do endanger me. If at least I could know it will not get worse, I could learn to live with what I have now, but this constant fear of it getting worse and not being able to sleep again is killing me on every day basis. There are worse and better periods. But you might have had worse two nights for other reasons ? Two nights is not a big deal, even without t you might have had it from time to time. I'm saying this, but last week I couldn't sleep one night because of T , for the first time in many weeks and it was enough to bring me to the mental bottom. Fortunately it was exceptional and hasn't happen since. Just remember we are new to this and still have a chance it will go away. But I will admit, life is not the same and will never be again, cause the fear will always be there.

 

I can identify with these feelings about life not being the same. All I can say is that there will be times when you are thinking about other things and at those times, life is the same as before T. For example, if you are busy doing something you enjoy or even just busy with work, you might suddenly realise that you haven't even thought about T for the last four hours. So for those four hours, life was the same as before T because you weren't thinking about it. And as time goes on, the duration of the periods that you spend NOT thinking about T gets longer and longer. That is my concept of "habituation" although it is clear that the word means different things to different people.

I know I am luckier than many people because T does not seem to affect my ability to sleep. My advice would be don't give up your job, don't give up your hobbies and don't worry about exercise making T worse. I don't know anything about snowboarding but in general, the benefits of exercise easily outweigh any possible detrimental effects of exercise upon T.

 

You've had a traumatic injury; life may never be exactly the same as it was, any more than my life will ever be exactly the same as it was before I was knocked off a bicycle by a truck in 2012.

That said, there's no reason you can't go snowboarding. I have T. I go skiing and ride a motorcycle.

 

@Gosia, "The fact that human beings must make so much noise all around all the time pisses me off."
Precisely!!! Although, the thing is, we perceive every *normal* sound/noise as extremely loud due to T. That's another issue of T it can't be **reactive** (in my case **killer reactive**).
You see, I'm not afraid. I'm pissed off that T is killing my life. I cannot do anything anymore since T explodes beyond sanity. What can you do when T gets so loud that you can't understand speech anymore? When your ears and head feel as if they are about to explode?