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Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Chris77, Sep 7, 2016.

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    1. Chris77

      Chris77 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxic drug (Wellbutrin)
      I've lurked about this forum for years now, never been one much for message board chit-chat, and most of my questions, concerns, etc could always be found somewhere in the threads so lurking was the most I have ever done here. I'm not really sure why i'm writing this now honestly, maybe i'm just tired of talking about this with people who cannot fathom the pain and misery of this affliction.

      "Oh just ignore it"
      "What's Tinnitus?"
      "Wait, you hear a loud hissing sound in your head 24/7, holy $hit I would kill myself!"

      Does any of that sound familiar?

      My story is like so many others here, I was dealing with some stuff after the birth of my fist child(anxiety, depression, worry) and my GP thought an anti-depressant would fix things right up for me, so 250mg of Wellbutrin and 11 days later I wake up with a broken TV hiss in my right ear. "Just stop the meds, it will go away " he says, that was 7 years ago, i'm still waiting.

      Some people want time machines to go back and give themselves the wining lottery numbers or make that left turn instead of that right, I would settle for just going back and smacking that pill bottle out of my 30 year old self hands.

      I was always so careful with my ears too, that's the great irony of this. I always wore ear protection when I did loud activities,never blasted my headphones, I've never even been to a rock concert, yet here I am.

      What's funny is the first few years, I coped with it just fine, it was an "annoyance" at night or in the office, but other then that....it really did not bother me beyond that. Oh, I did all the tests, ears, Brain MRI, cardiologist etc, and they all told me the same thing, nothing is physically wrong with you. So I moved on, and dealt with it, I would come to this board and see the stories of the people with the worst of the worst cases and after a silent prayer for them I would say, "Thank God that's not me"

      But this past January something changed, after almost 6 years of my T staying exactly the same sound and volume I woke up to it being markedly louder and since then it has only gotten worse slowly edging up in spikes every few weeks, that do not return to their baseline, ever. Why is this happening now? Nothing has changed in my life, no meds or stress changes, no loud noises or head trauma, why now after 6 years is it doing this? And i'm losing it, this is driving me to madness, this dentist drill in my head. All the things that could help me in the past are useless now, the white noise masking, the overhead fan, a walk around the block, I still hear it. Its been getting worse for months now and there is no reason to think it will get any better, forget cures, all this new stuff and new hope, its 50 years away if its a day. I don't have 50 more years left in me, I don't think i have 50 more days. I am reaching the end of my rope with this, I am miserable and edgy all the time,my marriage is on life support because of this, no one understands it, no one can.

      I am going to see a new ENT tomorrow who is supposedly an expert on dealing with T, I will see what she says. I'm not hopeful honestly, Its just me going though the motions before I come to the inevitably conclusion. In the least melodramatic way I can put this, I don't have it in me to suffer the rest of my days like this, I exist now, I no longer live, so whats the difference. My time is ruining out, I need nothing short of a miracle at this point.

      Well, goodnight and good luck, thanks for listening.
       
      • Hug Hug x 5
      • Like Like x 1
    2. Samantha R

      Samantha R Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Geelong Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Chris77. I am so sorry you are feeling the way you do - I am feeling a similar way, just noticed a tinnitus that I am sure I've had for years.
      It's driving me crazy. Like you, I had habituated or most likely knew I had it, but never worried about it.
      You got there before you will get there again Chris.
      We have to for our children.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    3. Samantha R

      Samantha R Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Geelong Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Chris77 I am worried about you. How are you doing?
      Please don't do anything drastic.... I hope your visit with the ENT helps a little....
      Xx
       
    4. Candy

      Candy Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unidentified
      @Chris77 hang in there, like u, Sam and other mummies in here I feel similarly, yesterday had such an awful day can't even go there...on a ok day I hope for a cure or a medical device that will improve it. When I loose that hope I feel down in the dumps. I don't even know why I have got this - constantly trying to work it out.

      U will habituated again, u did it once xxx
       
      • Like Like x 1
    5. AGAG

      AGAG Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      @Chris77, I was truly suicidal only a couple of days ago, was waiting a bit to give a more detailed update on the forum but I feel so much for you, hang in there - I can honestly say that good old Xanax has saved my life thus far. Have you tried it yet? It really had spectacular results for me - and I was certain it would not help one bit. Definitely worth a try if you've never taken it, maybe you can ask your ENT for it?
       
    6. Candy

      Candy Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unidentified
      Ladies, think about you all a lot, wish we didn't have to go through this...we'll fight this beast.
      I know my fight will take time, I will fall and get up again, will fall...it's a long road for me.

      Doing CBT, still struggling to accept this. Had to take 3 months off work, had a meltdown. Went back on Friday...quiet at the office, never realised, did 3 hours and managed to hold it together..after work went along the river and cried for 30 minutes while watching the beautiful swans, before drying the tears and carrying on...baby steps.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    7. Samantha R

      Samantha R Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Geelong Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Candy You have done an amazing job - going back to work is a huge step.
      Thinking of everyone all the time, I had a rough night last night. No sleep, and the hour or so I did get, I heard the T in my dream.
       
    8. Robert44

      Robert44 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud concert
      Wow this is another disturbing story....Sorry to hear what your going through.. I really worry bout these ototoxic drugs. I have mentioned on this forum about my son who has mental problems and he doesn't want to take med for it. He is only taking them cause I told him to try it. I'm very worried that this might happen to him. He's on Lexapro, He has enough trouble dealing with the mental problems and getting T would put him over the edge.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    9. Jeff M.
      Cowabunga

      Jeff M. Member Benefactor

      Location:
      La Jolla, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct. 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Chris, I am so sorry and I know exactly what you are feeling and experiencing, and sucks X a million!! I just encourage you to fight though. Fight for your marriage, fight for your kids! You can do this!! Don't give up! Praying for you!!
       

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