Musings of a Veteran...

At age fifty I developed tinnitus.
In retrospect, it was mild.
I went to see an acupuncturist - very nice lady - have any of you guys ever noticed just how very nice ladies can be - ‘course you have.
She stuck a whole load of needles in me, and then she left me all on my own (imagine my disappointment) to ruminate for twenty minutes.
She eventually came back, asked me if I felt any different, and did I enjoy it, and then stuck her hand out for forty quid.

Did I feel any different ?? Did I enjoy it ??
Putting a prick in my ear never ‘did it’ for me.
(Sorry to introduce a little adult jazzman’s humour.
I used to be one you know? Did I ever tell you about that...?)
Amazonian pygmys practice a similar ‘therapy’ but at least they ‘put you out of your misery’ and put dinner on the table for the whole extended family.

Just my opinion now, but if you are going to put your faith in acupuncture you might just as well get into homeopathy, where they get you to put six tiny little white ‘full stops’ - periods for you Americans - under your tongue to dissolve.
I’m sorry - complete cobblers to me, but then I am a cynic.
(Must be true ‘cos my wife tells me every other day,)
You could also try getting into religious mythology - another non starter for me, so I won’t go there.

Sorry - I digress.
Back to my ‘riveting’ story.

Four years ago, after one tragic incident, causing serious acoustic trauma, I went completely deaf in my left ear.
Forty eight hours later my hearing came back, though impaired, and my tinnitus level from that day to this has been severe.
I experienced ‘complete hell on Earth!’

For a very long time I felt tortured, tormented, alternately panicking and despairing.
If anybody was talking about tinnitus, I was listening, if they were writing, I was reading, if they were videoing, I was watching, if they were researching, I was keeping up.

But no more.

I absolutely understand the grieving.
The loss of silence.
In my case, the loss of my passion, my music, my artistry, my career, my total income.

BUT - at some point we have to try to get on with our lives.

At an interview with a tinnitus therapist she asked me how I coped.
I said “all I have is stoical acceptance - and I cried quietly.”
This lovely lady ( see - I told you ladies are lovely ) got up from her chair, came round to me, put her arm round this old guy, and said ‘we can do much better for you than that Dave....”
Kind words and a truly lovely gesture, but that is all they are really.
If she could truly help, of course she would.
Her incredible kindness helped me anyway.
I will not forget her.

I read just one sentence from another audiologist, who had seen this anguish many many times with her patients,

“.....learn to live your life the very best way you can...”

Now that is the mother lode.
The way forward.
Fishbone’s expression - ‘it is what it is.’
We can experiment with different coping techniques, relaxation, meditation, hypnosis, masking - anything that makes the path smoother, and we can learn better ways to go forward, or so I believe.

Look for positives.

Love to everybody,
Jazzer
Dave
xxxxx

PS .......er......did I happen to mention just how lovely ladies are?
Think I must be losing it guys......

 

I think this is the best approach, Dave. It is what I am doing, trying to live my best possible life while dealing with tinnitus. Life is a gift, I don't want to miss a moment of it, not one moment.

Like you I struggled in my childhood and my early adult years and yet I somehow found the strength within to pull myself up and out of those struggles and move on. I cannot give up or give in now.

 

............tha’s my Gal xxx

 

Very encouraging , Dave when you say accident, do you mean a car accident. That make your T worse?

 

I was deafened quite literally by a musician ‘friend’ standing right next to me.
I was the band leader and paymaster.
I paid him £200 for the service.
I am not a Christian and forgiveness does not come into it.
Taking an interest in both psychology and philosophy as I do, I have got past this stumbling block because it is the only essential way forward.
I will not live with bitterness in my heart.

 

Sometimes people find it easier to let the bitterness and anger in their heart than actually facing up to the issue. It then consumes you slowly and before you know, bits will filter through into your everyday life, the people around you etc.... it’s a slippery slope.
I fully agree though, it’s best to to try and live your life with a pure heart. Try to forgive and forgot.

 

Neither will I, Dave. Where would being bitter get us in the long run? Like @Jcb said earlier....