Several puns/quotes: 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7. Evening news is where the newscaster begins with 'Good Evening,' and then proceeds to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay checks. 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency please notify:' ..........I put in 'DOCTOR.' 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said that I was blaming you. 14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 23. Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be. 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 26. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 27. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 28. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.