Setback

I could use any advice on how to deal with a setback. I was doing well the past month( pulsating T for a year). I accidentally took a higher dose of my AD for probably a week or two, not sure, and developed a hissing T in my left ear. I went back down to my usual dosage a few days ago, but the hissing has remained and it has brought back the depression, anxiety and also dissapointment in myself on what I did.

 

Hi kevin b,

don't focus on what happened and why it happened because although you want to know the answer it will not make any difference to what your tinnitus does. Just focus on trying not to react to the noise whatever it sounds like. I have screamingly loud tinnitus with various hisses and other sounds but most of the time it is no longer a problem.

It's strange really that the solution to dealing with tinnitus so that you're no longer bothered by it is the most simple thing ever! Just don't react to it whatever it does and your subconscious will start to filter it out of your awareness, BUT even though the answer is simple, I found it to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. The fear it made me feel was so intense it was disabling at times, so I reacted and then the awareness was greater and so on in a cycle till I finally realized it was absolutely my reaction and nothing else that made it louder. So, be kind to yourself and know that time will help. You can't turn back the clock and undo what you did and it is probably the anxiety of worrying about what you did that's the problem, not the action itself. Distract yourself, use relaxation, do whatever you have to, even if its just an hour at a time. The more you practise not reacting, the easier it will become.

You'll get there. If I could have taken a pill to end my life I would have done so for probably every day for 5 years or more but now it's just a slight annoyance some days and I know that I have a choice in how I react to it. If my thoughts become negative it gets worse, if I get my mind onto other things I 95% of the time realize that it's gone from my awareness again.

'Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.
In our choice of response lies our growth and our happiness.'

I wish you well.

 

Beth,
That is what I needed to read at the moment.
Loud, screaming T in my head. As you said: If I could have taken a pill...
But I will go on and do my stuff.
If it takes 5 years, oh boy.
Thanks and take care,
Martin

 

HI Beth,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I suffered from depression before I got T, then got anxiety from getting T gave me the 3 headed monster. After a year I was finally starting to come out and had long strips of the day when it did not bother me. Now every morning it wakes me up and the negative thoughts get into high gear. You are right, the anxiety and dissapointment of did I cause this new hissing sound consumes a large part of my day. I have to be honest with myself, I am still better after this setback than I was. I actually had a decnet night, laughing with my kids and having dinner with them. It is such a lonely place to be because like most people on the site say , friends and family members can not relate. I don't even talk about it with anyone because when I do they wonder"how do you live with that noise all the time" just makes me sad. I still dream at times of it going away or relief or a cure on the horizon, that part I know can be conterproductive because you need to accept, but I still believe having hope is positive as well. Thanks for listening, I am glad you are doing better, I hope in time I can back on the road to recovery.
God Bless,
kevin

 

martin69,

It took so long for me because I didn't know what I should have been doing and spent the first few years looking for a 'cure' which was a total waste of time. You know what you should be doing at a much earlier stage so I am sure you'll get there quicker. Also I had massive anxiety problems stemming from the past. It took me a long time to believe 100% that it is the reaction that causes the problem not the noise.....I now know it to be absolutely true.

 

Don't get down mate. I had a similar thing. 8 weeks in with this odd morse code tone and I was getting in to a routine of TV at bedtime and not even bother masking, seemed to be working, but then suddenly at the weekend it spiked for no reason. I think it's settling down again, but clearly my thoughts of early habituation were a tad premature!

 

try some pink noise

 

Usually any added issues with AD's go away within time. A friend of mine had a hiss for about 8 months after stopping them but it eventually went away.

 

The thing That worries me is that this AD was really starting to help and I know I need them as I have struggled with depression for over 25 years. I have lowered back to the original dose but I am mad and scared I caused this new sound after I seemed to be getting better. Hate to sound like such a crybaby, but it really is a punch in the gut, but like many have said I guess it is better to move forward a few steps and to expect some setbacks.

 

Setbacks are normal and everyone here experiences them now and then along their T journey. AD alone might not be enough for you. It wasn't for me. Have you looked into CBT or something similar? CBT did more for me than any AD ever did (I tried 3) and one thing it does is to teach you strategies on how challenge negative thinking. Just make sure to find a good, reputable therapist. Do not accept where you are now. Do everything in your power and will to move past it. You owe this to yourself! You can do this!

 

Yes I am seeing a therapist for the last 6 months and he said he is seeing improvements. I had a great 10 year run with no depression when I was on Lexapro- which pooped out last Novmember. I probably took things for granted. drank too much and stopped seeing a therapist. On top of the new round of depression, T surfaced last february which caused me to spiral even deeper. I have to learn to build on the good moments I have, like last night laughing with my kids, but every morning I struggle to get going, things tend to get better as the day goes on. It is tough to try and stay in the moment, i usually look negativley into the future and see myself never getting better with the depression & T, something I have to stop doing. AD's have worked really well for me in the past and brought me out of some really bad depressive states so I and my doctors believe I probably need them for life.

 

Hi Beth.
Thanks for your answer.
I looked for cures only the first weeks. Then I stopped. The only interesting thing is RTG and AUT00063.
All the rest is scam.
For me, the loudness is a problem. When I had one of the few milder days, no problem living with T.
But I think, my T is really bad (I know, everyone thinks that). My whole head is buzzing. Sounds like the room (or my head) is like full of insects or like a power plant. Really difficult to describe. Not tonal, maybe because of the high pitch. Not reacting to this is really difficult. I really do my best living a normal life.