Starting Over...

I am not new to tinnitus. I got it when I was 17. I remember exactly how I got it and it was kind of strange. I had a freak moment where I coughed, but unlike like any normal person I didn't open my mouth. (Must have tried to have been discreet about it) This caused my right ear to pop violently. I instantly knew this was bad. My right ear began to ring and hasn't stopped since.

I instantly knew what it was - tinnitus. My Dad has it, except his is in his left ear. I remember him complaining about it when I was a kid when he first got it in his late 40's. He is no longer bothered by it as he has had it for quite a while. I knew there was no cure but I still went to my GP and was dismissed accordingly. I left feeling kinda jaded but the only thing I could do was get on with life. So I did. When I was 18 I started going out to clubs with my friends and didn't really think about my ears. I would only go out every so often. Of course my ears would ring louder when I left but they would soon settle down the next morning to the normal ringing just in the right.

Other than that I would take care of my ears. I would always wear industrial ear defenders when dealing with loud noise. e.g. Using noisy petrol lawnmower. I never listened to loud music intentionally only when stuck in some grimy club with my friends waiting to leave so we could go get pizza at 3 am.

The last time I went out was New Years eve. I hadn't been out in months and wanted to see my friends as I hadn't seen them in weeks. So I blissfully went out unaware of what my fate would be. Again I was stuck in the same old dodgy club with stupidly loud music. Honestly, I sat out for the most part in a quieter area as I really wasn't in the mood. The music was awful and there was no room to breathe.

The next day my ears rang like crazy. However, I knew this was normal and that they would soon settle down. I just needed to sleep it off. So I did. One week later my ears were still squealing and I knew I was in trouble. The months that followed were truly the darkest moments I have ever exeperienced. How could I have allowed this to happen? I was in bits. The hardest part for me was going about my daily business acting as if everything was fine to my peers in class. Whereas, in reality I was dying inside. I even had exams in January and I just had to force myself to study as best as I could with constant hissssing driving me suicidal.

Four months later I am still here. I have googled tinnitus to death everyday since. I even arranged an appointment at the tinnitus clinic for ACNM treatment but cancelled my appointment as my parents were not happy at all with the £5000 treatment. I offered to pay with my life savings as I thought my life depended upon it. However, I was forced to cancel. My parents thought it was a scam with that kind of price tag. In the early stages I was even fobbed off with 'Tinnitus Miracle' by Thomas Conman Coleman. I went on YouTube and came across a heartfelt testimony of some guy claiming it saved his life so I bought it. Don't buy it. My Dad said if there was a cure it would be readily available on the NHS and we would all know.

Right now I am trying to get used to my new noise. I vowed to myself never to set foot in a nightclub ever again. I have since refused numerous invites from friends and have felt like a complete let down. I explained to them that I have tinnitus but they don't understand. They keep abusing their ears and live in ignorance of my condition because they don't have it. I thought about taking earplugs but I didn't want to risk it as I only really trust industrial ear defenders with loud noise and they aren't very discreet. My only hope is that one day they discover a treatment to silence the noise within my lifetime. Who knows? In the next few years they just might. But right now I just have to keep going like the rest of us and live in hope for the future.

Dealing with this made me a much stronger person. I am grateful for this forum. Thank you.

 

Let your friends suffer the consequences. One of my best friends does the same and thinks the only fun things to do in life is party in loud clubs and bars etc, so I decided to not even talk to him anymore and let him live the way he wants. All my other friends are the same so I just say %$#@ them all. On the other hand, try this, you might save $5000:


http://generalfuzz.net/acrn/

 

@DannyLad I'm so sorry that your tinnitus has taken a turn for the louder. I do believe that you can eventually habituate and lead a happy life again. I got my tinnitus from one loud concert (I had never had it before in any form - just that once and that was it), so I know that feeling of "how could I have let this happen?" My father had it, too, but from war, maybe we're genetically a little more delicate.

I think it's probably a good idea to stay away from clubs, but when you feel better I don't know that you have to socially outcast yourself. Of course earplugs aren't quite as protective as industrial muffs - but in a loud-ish restaurant they can do the trick. I went with a date to a restaurant/jazz club a few weeks ago that was above my volume limit, wore ear plugs and could still hear him and the music at a safe volume. My tinnitus wasn't phased at all. If you think about it, most clubs are about 112ish db at worst. That's VERY loud, but with 32 db reduction foam ear plugs (used properly), you're down to 78ish db which is well within a safe area for your ears. Again, I'm not endorsing you going to loud clubs, but you can go out again when you feel comfortable as long as you're safe.

I have to agree with your dad that if there were a miracle cure, it would be widely known. I think the cure for now is habituation - which I know you can achieve. You made it here, and you're even talking about how you feel it's made you a stronger person so far - you are without question on the right track.

There will be ups and downs, at least in my experience, but eventually you'll find yourself having more good days than bad ones and when you notice it, it will be more minor annoyance than suicidal though inducing catastrophe. You can do it Just get good sleep, take care of yourself (body and mind) and keep coming back to talk with all of us if you need it!

Finally, I have to respectfully disagree with @Kimbo Slice. I agree it can be very frustrating to have friends who don't seem to care or understand about the irreplaceable value of their hearing, but that is exactly why we should work SO hard to warn them. If my friends don't understand how bad it is the first time I tell them, I tell them again and again until they get the point. If I've done everything I can and they don't care, I can't stop them, but I've gone as far as putting plugs in my friend's hands. No one, no one who does not have to should go through tinnitus. I feel like it's our responsibility to spread the word, especially to those we love.

 

What kind of earplugs are you using?

 

Actually there are certain people who I do care about, and I do what I can to help them. Europe is a completely different place and people out there are completely different and actually care for YOU. Obviously you haven't been to Canada. Out here I have 400 or so friends on facebook, and maybe 7 or 8 out of all those people actually care to even say hi, mostly people from England funny enough. None the less there will always be people out there who you need to weed out of your life. Of course you're choices are not for me to decide...

 

Hi @cullenbohannon, I just use 32 db reduction foam ear plugs you can get at the drug store - usually go for heros when I can find them. They do the trick for me, but I really go to places that are loud extremely rarely. If it's something you're doing a lot, I might look into something fancier - but I don't know.

@Kimbo Slice, of course I don't know your situation, but it doesn't sound like things are so different with people in our respective places. I certainly didn't mean to infer that you don't have people you care about, just that I personally feel we shouldn't "let friends suffer the consequences." Also, I have lived in Europe and Canada - don't be so quick to judge Anyway, my apologies if I in any way offended, not my intention.

 

Yes I know you weren't trying to offend me... We definitely shouldn't let friends or family suffer, therefore you need to know who your friends really are. If they don't even bother to say hi, they're probably not your friends no matter how busy they are with their own lives. Also yes they are 2 completely different places. In England, it's mainly small towns or cities where everyone groups together and knows each other as friends because everyone's bored to death and won't take your friendship for granted. Out here if you live in a big town/ city, you'll feel like you hardly know anyone.

 

Thank you for you're messages. Sorry for my late reply. I am going to go for a hearing test soon. I have made sure to avoid all loud noise since I made my ears worse. I do believe that how badly you're affected by it mainly depends on how loud it is. Before, I had it in one ear and it was a mild ringing. It wasn't so bad so I wasn't really affected by it.

Now it is much worse I feel quite disabled by it. My worse fear is not being able to concentrate and study. I obviously feel very guilty about making it louder. However, I am really glad I found this site. It's brilliant. I look at it most days to see if there is anything new in terms of research and possible treatments. This gives me a great deal of hope for the future.

 

Danny the loudness of your t, compared to how it was for you can make it seem like you will never overcome the new sound . This does not have to be true. Many people with loud t on here have habituated . I personally know people with louddd t who have habituated. While the treatments and progress being made in t treatments is a great hope you don't have to wait for them to get better and get your life back. My biggest fear like you was not being able to study. I'm trying to go to law school and I got hot with t at a time I should have been celebrating all my hard work and being accepted to law school. Anyway today my t is still pretty loud and can be annoying at times but it does not stop me from studying or concentrating on things. I think the main reason I couldn't was because I was afraid of my t, it made me feel hopeless like you. I find that the studying actually helps me get my mind of t. Start slow and, do what you can eventually you'll be able to study as you did before.