Suicidal Two Months After Tinnitus Onset from a Child's Scream

[Joeseph Stope]

This is a really thorny issue, and I wish the experts could come together and show us the right direction to take.

The conventional thinking among therapists is to get used to what they call normal noise. But may I ask, what is normal? The duration of the noise is also important, as is the distance from the source.

Now that we are using the word normal, it might even be that the onset of tinnitus due to noise exposure follows a normal distribution curve or something close to it. Another point to consider is that once someone already has the affliction of tinnitus and hyperacusis, they seem to be much more prone to further damage, or at least it appears that way.

Having said that, I would still agree with the conventional wisdom of therapists. The goal is to somehow get back into the routine of everyday life and try to accustom yourself to ordinary sounds.

To give the counterargument, it was loud noise that got you into this situation. More of the same is likely to cause further damage, possibly even more than for someone who has no history of tinnitus or hearing sensitivity.

It could be that there are at least two groups of sufferers: those who can learn to adapt to loud sounds again and those who cannot. That is not surprising, as there are several types of tinnitus too. Hopefully, the research community can provide better guidance on this pressing question: should we get used to sound, or should we avoid it?

With new imaging technologies and brain research, maybe this generation of audiologists and ENT specialists can come up with an answer.

Even better would be to find a cure.

 

[RattleKat]

Do you mind if I ask whether your nervous system was somehow primed for this before the event? Sometimes, when the system has been carrying constant stress, or past trauma has created a hyper-alert nervous system that constantly scans for threats, even a seemingly harmless trigger can set off a cascade of nervous system responses and create a wide range of symptoms.

Do you have any history of OCD, a perfectionist personality, chronic people-pleasing, or unrealistic expectations? You do not have to share anything personal here, but consider the questions.

Sometimes, when the nervous system has had enough, the brain's protective mechanisms backfire, and what was meant to keep us safe instead becomes the threat. The mind finds a way to trap us. The nervous system's job is not to keep you happy but to keep you alive. And what could seem safer than withdrawing from everything?

Your nervous system has found a way to force you out of the life you were leading. Ask yourself if there is any reason for this. Were you carrying an unreasonable amount of stress before this happened?

Many people interpret worsening symptoms as evidence that the auditory system is damaged and therefore more vulnerable. I played in very loud rock bands for 20 years. I endured 120 dB of noise for hours at a time in tiny rehearsal rooms, at gigs, in studios, and had multiple 100 dB-plus exposures every week for two decades. Yet I never had any serious problems—just mild tinnitus that did not bother me—until I became overwhelmed with life. Then, a loud gig, the same thing I had done countless times, triggered my nervous system and started the same cascade of symptoms you are experiencing now.

It took 20 years of standing next to drum kits for my ears to reach this state, but for you, it was a single scream. Our noise exposure is nothing alike. Perhaps instead, we share a nervous system trait that brought us to the same place.

I would recommend looking up Dr. Yonit Arthur (The Steady Coach) and watching her videos if you can, or reading her materials if you cannot yet tolerate sound.

Keep in mind that success stories do exist. I came across a woman who had hyperacusis so severe that she lived isolated in a basement for years. She later went on to conduct an orchestra! Her hearing was perfect all along; it was her mind that had faltered, and she recovered. You can heal. It is a tightrope walk between gentle exposure and avoiding scaring your system further. A delicate act that some cannot manage, but many do. Given your minimal history of noise exposure, a brain-based condition makes more sense than cochlear damage.

If I can offer you one piece of advice, it would be this: do not chase fixes. Every attempt you make to "fix" the problem tells your brain you are in danger and need fixing. It is counterintuitive, but the key to getting out is letting go of the notion that you are damaged or need to be fixed. You are shocked, you are scared, but you are not broken. If you can, try to gently re-engage with some of the things you used to enjoy. Go slowly, tell yourself you are safe, and do not push so hard that you scare yourself. Do not chase perfection. Learn to live alongside some symptoms first, and improvement will follow.

I am not a doctor, and of course, this is only my opinion based on research and experience, but I truly believe you can heal.

 

[Annina]

Do you mind if I ask whether your nervous system was somehow primed for this before the event? Sometimes, when the system has been carrying constant stress, or past trauma has created a hyper-alert nervous system that constantly scans for threats, even a seemingly harmless trigger can set off a cascade of nervous system responses and create a wide range of symptoms.

Do you have any history of OCD, a perfectionist personality, chronic people-pleasing, or unrealistic expectations? You do not have to share anything personal here, but consider the questions.

Sometimes, when the nervous system has had enough, the brain's protective mechanisms backfire, and what was meant to keep us safe instead becomes the threat. The mind finds a way to trap us. The nervous system's job is not to keep you happy but to keep you alive. And what could seem safer than withdrawing from everything?

Your nervous system has found a way to force you out of the life you were leading. Ask yourself if there is any reason for this. Were you carrying an unreasonable amount of stress before this happened?

Many people interpret worsening symptoms as evidence that the auditory system is damaged and therefore more vulnerable. I played in very loud rock bands for 20 years. I endured 120 dB of noise for hours at a time in tiny rehearsal rooms, at gigs, in studios, and had multiple 100 dB-plus exposures every week for two decades. Yet I never had any serious problems—just mild tinnitus that did not bother me—until I became overwhelmed with life. Then, a loud gig, the same thing I had done countless times, triggered my nervous system and started the same cascade of symptoms you are experiencing now.

It took 20 years of standing next to drum kits for my ears to reach this state, but for you, it was a single scream. Our noise exposure is nothing alike. Perhaps instead, we share a nervous system trait that brought us to the same place.

I would recommend looking up Dr. Yonit Arthur (The Steady Coach) and watching her videos if you can, or reading her materials if you cannot yet tolerate sound.

Keep in mind that success stories do exist. I came across a woman who had hyperacusis so severe that she lived isolated in a basement for years. She later went on to conduct an orchestra! Her hearing was perfect all along; it was her mind that had faltered, and she recovered. You can heal. It is a tightrope walk between gentle exposure and avoiding scaring your system further. A delicate act that some cannot manage, but many do. Given your minimal history of noise exposure, a brain-based condition makes more sense than cochlear damage.

If I can offer you one piece of advice, it would be this: do not chase fixes. Every attempt you make to "fix" the problem tells your brain you are in danger and need fixing. It is counterintuitive, but the key to getting out is letting go of the notion that you are damaged or need to be fixed. You are shocked, you are scared, but you are not broken. If you can, try to gently re-engage with some of the things you used to enjoy. Go slowly, tell yourself you are safe, and do not push so hard that you scare yourself. Do not chase perfection. Learn to live alongside some symptoms first, and improvement will follow.

I am not a doctor, and of course, this is only my opinion based on research and experience, but I truly believe you can heal.

Thank you @RattleKat.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my youth. While I was expecting my child, I became very worried about her health, and the doctors asked me to come in for weekly checkups.

After she was born, I experienced OCD symptoms for about a year. They had started to improve just before the tinnitus began. I had also been dealing with intense anxiety caused by relationship and other personal issues, right up until early last spring—shortly before the tinnitus started. I know I'm more sensitive than most people.

When the tinnitus began, I panicked and became increasingly anxious. It seems that all this anxiety has been building up in some way.

The tinnitus changes several times throughout the day. It sounds different in the morning than in the evening, and new sounds keep appearing. It's a combination of musical hallucinations and palinacousis. It hasn't been a typical ringing or hissing sound for over a month now. The biggest issue is how loud it is.

I've occasionally gone outside and done some things indoors without earplugs, but it never feels good or safe. I can't link the worsening to any specific noise. It just gradually got worse, so I don't know which sounds might be safe. It's difficult to understand my limits, because even when I feel pain, the symptoms are unpredictable. The only consistent symptom is the worsening of the tinnitus. So I can't rely on pain or discomfort to tell me when to stop sound exposure. The tinnitus worsens whether there's pain in my ears or not.

There's a lot of negative pressure in my ears. Every time I swallow, they pop very loudly. I've become afraid to eat because I worry it could cause more damage. For the same reason, I can't really wear earplugs anymore. The occlusion effect makes the popping and crackling sounds even worse when I swallow.

 

[Annina]

I may have pushed too hard. My tinnitus got significantly worse again this morning and has continued to worsen throughout the day. My ears also hurt. I'm not sure if it was because of yesterday or because my child screamed once from the other room.

I've now booked an Airbnb where I'll be staying in a couple of days. The car ride is scary, even though it's only ten minutes. I don't know what to do.

I keep wondering what I'm doing wrong. I was outside yesterday and today. When I'm outside, I wear hearing protection for a while and then take it off for a while. Maybe that was too much. But I'd still rather be outside than sitting in the dressing room. I just keep going in the wrong direction. I know these sounds aren't harming me, but my body clearly doesn't believe that. No matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to change the situation.

It seems like I can't even speak in a quiet voice anymore. My ears don't hurt and everything feels fine, but my tinnitus spikes immediately during and after a conversation. So I'm completely alone with this.

How do people with hyperacusis take a shower? I'm afraid I can't even do that without a setback. I go as rarely as possible now. Washing my hair is even harder. I also tried using a bucket of water and a sponge, but that isn't quiet either. We don't have a bathtub.

 

[J083PH]

Hi @Annina,

I've been going through something similar since early April. There was no noise that triggered the ringing—it just started one morning while I was at work, completely out of the blue. I only have it in my left ear. It began mildly, but within a week it became extremely loud and constant. It's a high-pitched ringing that made my life miserable. Strangely, the only thing that masks it is being in the shower.

During the first two months, I felt exactly like you described—trying to avoid any loud sounds. That's difficult in my line of work, since I'm often on the roadside with loud traffic and inside people's homes where dogs bark. For a while, it really brought me down. I stopped looking forward to anything. I still try to protect my ears, but not to the same extent I did at first. I've found that silence, or wearing earplugs, actually made the ringing worse and stressed me out even more. Now I only use earplugs when absolutely necessary.

I've seen an ENT, an audiologist, and a neurologist. I had an MRI of my neck and brain. Nothing was found that could explain the ringing, although they did incidentally discover a cyst on my brain, which just freaked me out even more. I'm currently waiting for an MRI of my jaw. If that also shows nothing, I've been told there's nothing more they can do. I do have some slight hearing loss in my left ear, and I believe that may be the main cause of all this.

In the last few weeks, I've been sleeping a lot, even during the day on weekends. I also haven't been doing much around the house. I've just been resting as much as possible and listening to what my body needs. Since I started doing that, I've felt far less stressed. Sundays tend to be the day when the ringing begins to fade, and by Monday it's almost gone. Of course, once the work week starts, it comes right back.

All I can say is: hang in there. Try not to stress, and get plenty of rest. The ringing will get better, and it may even go away completely. It's definitely not something that will constantly disrupt your life forever. I say this after spending a lot of time reading about tinnitus and all the possible causes. It's scary at first, but things can and do improve.